I haven't moved on yet but my husbands family were sweet enough to tell me that if I did find someone they would still consider me part of their family. In a way, I feel guilty about that, because I love them all and have been always welcomed at all their homes for the past 18 yrs. I hate to go visit now because I feel I am just a reminder of their brother not being there. I know they miss him as much as I do, only they miss the brother/son they had and I miss my husband that was so good to me.
I don't know what to say to his mom any more. I need to call more often but usually end up in tears, which she doesn't need to hear. She has buried two sons, a daughter, and a husband. She knows about grief and I don't want to add to it.

Personally, I dont think its anyone else's business if I decide to date again or not. If they have trouble dealing with it, then that's their problem not mine.

Other people's reaction (much like a reflex) has had little impact on me and seemed to cause me to distance myself from those people in my life. However, there are those people in my life who have given me a response (well processed thoughts) about me dating. One of the truest responses I've gotten is that I've never dated as an adult and it's almost like I am 17 years old in *discernment* age. I haven't had to really do such discernment of a man since; and even then I had my parents', sisters', and friends' discernment at my service. There should be a trusted circle of people like that for you now as you might be wooed into a relationship rather than making good decisions. I really would have liked more help discerning character when I first started to date; rather than reactions and judgement calls- which were not helpful at all.

That said, when I began seeing the man I am now; I said this to my eldest son: "We are seeing each other exclusively now. I'm not telling you this for your permission -- rather I would simply like you to know." He then asked me "Why tell me at all if you don't care what I have to say about it." (do you see the communication issue yet?!) I then precisely recited what I said before and added, "...that doesn't mean I don't care what you have to say, even if it is negative: but I am saying that I will not be told whom I can and can not date." Again- that said, it also doesn't mean that my family's thoughts and views won't be heard or respected...it's just that I won't be filling their orders and demands. You see?

Not a big problem for me. My children had seen me alone three years after their dad passed and were anxious to see me out and smiling more. I made a conscience effort to maintain the closeness we always shared. Some have said too close, That was a relationship that never was more than social and friendly.
After 9-10 months we drifted apart simpley as our interests were different.

Then I met Artie and as one who never believed in love at first sight, I fell for him immediately I always believed love grew and strengthened over time, becoming deeper and stronger as it was with my husband. This was like being hit with a bomb! Not what I expected!

My world drastically changed and we moved in together about a year later. My friends were all glad and supportive. My children were also happy for us and liked Artie very much. They saw how happy I was and that convinced them.

I personally am not the type to 'do as I please' and don't know how I would handle it if my children fought me on my decisions. Basically they never have. We have our disagreements, but come to understand each others choices. I don't feel I must have their approval, but I do want their support in what I decide to do with my life. They, as adults, have the same freedom of choice, with my support. And don't kid yourself, sometimes it's not easy. LOL. Sharon