HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
We have been talking for almost 2 months now. First message Sept 3. (that sounds pretty serious, huh?) ;) Anyway, against words of caution and other advice, I have continued to talk to him daily. He lost his wife in June and I lost my husband in March. We talk about that. We talk about moving forward. We talk about finding love. I find great comfort in that notion. And, he asked me to go on a date with him. WHAT? For some reason, the consideration of a date gets me all riled up. It's been comforting to talk through all of this with him. My fears and hesitations. My kids' concerns.
He has helped me figure out exactly "what" dating is. He asked me what my boundaries are. I get to set boundaries. Who knew? I can have boundaries in this crazy world? Well, I can also have time to figure out what my boundaries are. Hmmm....
He has sent me flowers twice and jewelry. "THIS" is dating this guy. I don't know how he can be so secure in it, when less time has passed since his wife died than for me and my husband. But, he seems to know who he is and what he wants and how to treat a lady. I feel very lucky... very special....
Several things are going on at once. Like I'm leading parallel lives. Getting more comfortable with this guy, grieving my husband, and learning who I am. Both the death of my husband and the relationship I have with this guy have helped me to discover me. I can live without both of them. I can be happy without them. I can be me and have my interests and friends and fun. Letting go is hard, but I have found that it does get easier with time. And, it does require time. I've gone through so many of my husbands belongings and gotten rid of a bunch, but have made a mess in the garage in the process. And there is more "stuff".
I've gotten rid of parts of me, too. What I thought was important has no bearing on who I am now. The rings, I'm not married anymore and I don't need the comfort of being in a relationship or marriage. I have guy friends who are very good friends as their wives are. If something breaks around here, they help me.
I've made the house more "me", changed some things to reflect my style. I've developed my own life, my own home. And it's really pretty. (It was a mess, when Mike died.)
So, you must wonder how I will go on a date with him. He plans on flying in on Dec 27, with his grown son. He will stay 5 days. (in a hotel) Meet my friends and my family. (Yes, they have to approve before I'll go on a 2nd date with him.)
I've made a really good friend.
I've gone through a really tough time in life (the shadow of the valley of death) and come out the other side, really happy with myself and with what life has to offer.
Looking forward to the future.
Enjoying today....
less worry, less doubt, less fear.....
He has helped me figure out exactly "what" dating is. He asked me what my boundaries are. I get to set boundaries. Who knew? I can have boundaries in this crazy world? Well, I can also have time to figure out what my boundaries are. Hmmm....
He has sent me flowers twice and jewelry. "THIS" is dating this guy. I don't know how he can be so secure in it, when less time has passed since his wife died than for me and my husband. But, he seems to know who he is and what he wants and how to treat a lady. I feel very lucky... very special....
Several things are going on at once. Like I'm leading parallel lives. Getting more comfortable with this guy, grieving my husband, and learning who I am. Both the death of my husband and the relationship I have with this guy have helped me to discover me. I can live without both of them. I can be happy without them. I can be me and have my interests and friends and fun. Letting go is hard, but I have found that it does get easier with time. And, it does require time. I've gone through so many of my husbands belongings and gotten rid of a bunch, but have made a mess in the garage in the process. And there is more "stuff".
I've gotten rid of parts of me, too. What I thought was important has no bearing on who I am now. The rings, I'm not married anymore and I don't need the comfort of being in a relationship or marriage. I have guy friends who are very good friends as their wives are. If something breaks around here, they help me.
I've made the house more "me", changed some things to reflect my style. I've developed my own life, my own home. And it's really pretty. (It was a mess, when Mike died.)
So, you must wonder how I will go on a date with him. He plans on flying in on Dec 27, with his grown son. He will stay 5 days. (in a hotel) Meet my friends and my family. (Yes, they have to approve before I'll go on a 2nd date with him.)
I've made a really good friend.
I've gone through a really tough time in life (the shadow of the valley of death) and come out the other side, really happy with myself and with what life has to offer.
Looking forward to the future.
Enjoying today....
less worry, less doubt, less fear.....
It's so easy to fall into doing what others think, and that's not living it's following someone else's rules. I get it, because when I chose to not go back to work a month after Don died many told me that was a wrong decision. I understood their reasons, but for me I chose to stop working and concentrate on me. It was the right decision for me and I am glad I choose my own path. You will be too, and nothing is unchangeable if you decide yourself. Sharon