HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

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horsepad 02/02/2015

I have been on line dating for a couple months and have met some very nice men. About a month ago I began dating a man who fell head over heals for me before we even met. I told him he needed to slow down. He listened but still let me know he felt I was the woman of his dreams. However, The longer we are together his text are diminishing, he's not as starry-eyed. I also know he is still getting on thet dating site. I feel like as my feelings grow maybe his are diminishing even though last week he said he would like to see more of me than once a week. I guess I wonder why would someone continue getting on a dating website if you are so "into" someone. He hasn't tried to kiss me or hold my hand. I have asked for a hug and he will give me one but never hugs unless I ask for one. Last weekend I invited him to my place, first time. I am raising two grandchildren and they were gone for the night. After dinner, he came into my home to get something he left there when he picked me up and then out the door he went. I had asked him if he wanted a drink but he said no I better get going. It was only 10:00. I am new to the dating world and not sure what to think. I appreciate he slowed down from our first date but I sure didn't expect him to slow down more and more as the days go on. I think maybe as gets to know he is realizing I am not the girl of his dreams. What would you think?

laney77 02/02/2015

I was set up on a blind date with a man that, like your guy, fell head over heals for me. So much so that I had to put the breaks on. We took a few months off from seeing each other and then started back up again. Texting with him was fun and exciting but our face to faces were not as rewarding. He too only gave me pecks on the cheek at the end of the evening. Finally I had a conversation with him that I thought we just were not connecting on an attraction level. That's when he confided in me that he was impotent and afraid that we would move to that stage and I would be disappointed.

My advice is to have an honest conversation with your new friend. You have nothing to lose and might get some clarity. Either way if he is not giving you what you need this may not be the man for you. Words are one thing but it is the actions of the person that really matter. I have found that online men are very good behind the anonymity of the keyboard but in person they can not back up what they type. Best of luck to you. Lori

johnGP 02/02/2015

LANEY,

I ALWAYS FEEL MORE MASCULINE WITH "CAPS LOCK" ON.
JUST SAYING.

papagena 02/02/2015

I too would try to have an honest conversation about as to why he seems to avoid a certain measure of intimacy. This said, easier said than done. It takes a lot of courage to ask. Maybe you could do that via email (IN CAPS TO MAKE YOU FEEL MORE FORCEFUL;>).

Joking apart, I have the feeling that all the signs are there to show that he definitely has cooled down and that he might not be someone for you. But this is just my feeling.

mel40 02/02/2015

John, that's funny!

Shrn 02/03/2015

I don't know this man, but with what you have told us my feeling would be to ask him if he wanted to see other people as well as you. If he questions why you have an opportunity to tell him. If he says no, it still opens the conversation. Sharon

sassiesoftail 02/03/2015

I also met a Gentleman through the internet. He lived in another state. We emailed, text, and then had phone conversations. He also had fallen for me right away. He was excited and intrigued that I had been married so long. He was looking for his last relationship, someone he could spend the rest of his life with. I kept him at arms length until I was sure that I felt the same about him. I then had a friend visiting the town he was in and I could share a hotel with her so I planned a trip to meet him.
2 days after planning the trip I felt him pulling away. The trip would not be for 4 weeks. So I gave him some space, which was really hard, because I had fallen for him. Then 2 weeks prior to my going there he told me he did not feel I was over my deceased Husband and not ready to move on. The 1 week prior he told me he had met someone else. I still made the trip and met him. We are so good for each other. We have so much in common it's scary. We kept in contact after the visit with the promise to remain friends, we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say. I thought I could do it, but I can't, I need to end out association.
So now I am heartbroken and find myself crying all the time again. I am grieving all over again.
I am now scared to open up again to anyone else.
I never thought at my age I would be crying over a relationship. I thought my only tears would be for my kids or Grandkids.
This thing called life is like a test I did not study for, and what a tough learning curve.
Hugs, Sandi

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