You're going into this, with a much better attitude. When I first started dating, I thought it would be easy to find "the one". It's not easy. Now, I say up front, I want to be friends, and see where it goes. If they aren't OK, with that, then good bye. I have met a few men over the year, that I'm still friends with. That just means, I talk to them on the phone every few weeks or email them, once or twice a month. I haven't found "the one" yet. I just joined SeniorMeet, and we'll see where it goes.

Good Luck and stick to your guns,
Paula

You are a braver woman than I am. I just don't have it in me to do any online dating yet.
Like you, I do NOT want to deal with the frogs while looking for the right guy. I guess I am not ready and perhaps I never will be.

I do think you and Paula have the right attitude- friendship before trying to get attached too quickly. I posted the "Dating" tips that I fully intend to follow if and when I enter the 'dating' world.

Wishing you all the best!! Please keep us posted... perhaps, you will give me the boldness I need. :-)
Hugs, Linda

I am reading a book called, "The Soulmate Secret, Manifest the Love of your Life with the Law of Attraction" by Arielle Ford. It is awesome and helps you define whom you are looking for when you are ready to start looking. It is a must read for anyone that is thinking about searching. I want to make sure that when I start looking someday I am looking for the right "lid for my pot."

Of course the first thing I thought when I started reading it is that my late husband was "the one"

But now he is not here so some day when I am once again looking for "the one" I want to at least know who I am searching for. I remember before Denny I had written a list of all of the qualities I was searching for in a person at the request of a dear friend. I wrote the list and put it away. On the top of my list was: Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice....then I listed about 8 other things like...someone to not walk in front of me, or behind me...but beside me. Anyway one day when I was talkign with Denny I looked at him and thought to myself he is so so nice...it is like he has nice written all over his face...

That's when my list popped into my mind and I realized he "was" my list!

So now I have learned even more about myself and I have a very similar...but new and revised list.

Here is my list: Affectionate, Caring, Considerate, Family Oriented, Fun...Funny, Generous, Great relationships with other, Happy, Loves Life, Loving, Nuturing, Spiritually Open...(has some sense of faith), Successful, Supportive..(of my career, hopes, dreams..etc.), Honest, Emotionally Healthy, Extremely kind, Fun, Sweet, Sense of Humor, Giving, Easygoing.

Some things on my list are the same as other parts so I am working on this list. I will write out what each of these qualities mean to me.

I know that this is a tall order when I am someday looking again and I know that I am not perfect. I do not care if he has hair or not....has extra weight or not...is short or tall....I do not care what he does for work as long as he is happy with himself and with life...I would totally understand if he is dealing with medical issues as long as he is proactive in that.

There are a couple deal breakers... No current drug or alcohol addictions, no violent past...etc.

So...how do you all like my list? This book is great to help us really get real with what we are looking for in another and when we do this...we know when we find the right person.

hugs to everyone..
-Diana

Good luck everyone! I love compromise in relationships - the ability to find a new normal with another person. I like to be exposed to divergent opinions, see things through someone else's eyes, and decide myself if it works for me. I don't have a list, but still believe that when it's right you just know it. That comfortable feeling that just flows. In yoga we say Namatse - the divine in me , blesses and honors the divine in you. Good luck with frog kissing!!!! Hope we all find "it" , in the meantime we have CAKE - right????!!!!!

Diana,

I read that book, and the class I took on empowerment, the man said he wrote down all the things he wanted in a relationship, and found them, until he found out she was completely nuts.lol I do believe in the law of attraction, and I just made a vision board a couple of days ago. Oprah has a link on her page, that you can make one, without cutting up magazines.

Good Luck everyone.

I cannot trust my feelings. I cannot jump into a relationship because it "feels right". That has been my downfall more than once. I have to use my head. I'm not coming off my requirements for a man in my life. I have the right to expect that he not smoke, not drink or do drugs, not use bad language, that he goes to church regularly that agrees with my values. I should not need to alter or lower my expectations because those are qualities I expect in myself and would be ashamed if I ever let myself fall into one of those categories that is not healthy (in my opinion). I'm beginning to be OK with either way - having a great man or having no man. It's in God's hands because I've turned it over to him. Thanks for all your comments!
Kathleen

Oh, and I'll add one more that may mean very little to many of you but to me it's a deal-breaker. That is facial hair. If I want to see a gorilla, I'll go to the zoo. when I look at the pictures of guys these days, they look like mug shots. I know styles come and go, but clean shaven gives me a VERY good first impression of a guy. That's just my values.

There is absolutely no reason why you should not find your prince charming. However, do not focus on what you don't want because you'll get what you focus on. The universe will deliver what you ask of it, but in order to get it you need to know how to ask. Never start your intention with a negative affirmation. I see that you are very clear on the vices you don't want your partner to have -- but I don't get a clear picture of what that great man you are looking for looks like, emotionally, spiritually, physically etc -- get clear on what you want, declare your intention and you will most definitely get it when you are ready for it.

There is magic in believing that love is all around us ready to find us when we are ready for it.
Connie

Diana, be sure to add unattached to that list! 8-O

Kathleen I have a thing, about teeth and nose hair. No hair and good teeth. lol

You know, deauxgirl, maybe it would be a good idea to start a thread where men and women both could say what they LIKE and DON"T LIKE in a man or woman. I think I'll start it now.

This post has opened my eyes. Thank you. I have been seeing someone a little over a month and I need to slow down my heart! He is a wonderful, honest, funny man, but is he really the one? I do not want to get hurt ever again. NewRoads, I too have lost 2 husbands and do not want to do that again. This guy is so wonderful, but he does have some medical issues, though you would not know it. I am 66 and he is 70 - he has had heart by-pass surgery, plus some other stuff. He acts and looks very healthy, but do I want to be a caregiver again? I do not! Right now we are in a stage with flittering hearts and senuality. I am going to call it the teenage stage. I had him over for dinner with my daughters on Friday (they both had met him before) and they really liked him even more. We had a very enjoyable evening. (My 2nd husband was not their father) Saw him briefly today when I returned a blow-up bed I borrowed for the grandsons. He lives in my neighborhood and at first I though that was a good thing, but now I am not so sure! I think if he lived farther away I would not expect to see him so often. In the beginning, we saw each other every night for a week, but that has slowed down and I am ok with that I think. This dating stuff is hard at our (my) age. What I want in a man is stability, honesty, loving, humor and he is all of those things. Full head of hair (I love bald too), no facial hair, nose hair, or ear hair. - You would like him NewRoads - LOL. Beautiful teeth and he can cook! Keeps a very clean house and is a good decorator! I just do not kow where I want to go with this. I have been a few other dates and like you NewRoads, thought that they might work out, but they did not, but I was not involved with them like I feel I am now. They were just dates and I did not see them again - my choice. After reading this Ialmost unhid my profile on SeniorPeople tonight, but I decided against it. Time will tell and I know I am trying to move things too fast! Darn! Thanks again for opening my eyes. Unfortunately he does not kiss like a frog! Kisses and sends me to the moon! Like I said - teenage stage!!

Can't help here...have never had to kiss frogs...looks have never been much of an issue with me...even less this time around...I fell in love with Joe, because of what I saw in him, in his heart, what I 'heard' as I read his journals, and his comments on others posts, nothing at all to do with his looks...there were a few things that I absolutely would not want in my partner, but they weren't physical attributes, they were negative character traits and destructive habits. Fortunately, Joe possessed none of those traits/characteristics/bad habits. When I did see a photo of him, and we finally met in person, I was quite content with what I saw, but again, it wasn't because he looked this way or that way...it was because his eyes reflected the man I had 'seen' in his writings and in our conversations.
I hope everyone finds exactly what they are looking for...but I have found there is a great deal of truth in the saying that "When one is looking for a mate, it is far better to look with the heart, than it is to look with the eyes." Looks change, beauty fades, but a genuine heart is always beautiful and a joy to behold. But that's just how I feel...I found a beautiful heart in my Joe, and it just grows more beautiful every day. :)

Blessings and Hugs to all...

OnMyOwn, I totally agree with you about looking into one's heart. I think there is first a physical attraction, but that looks are really secondary. Your attraction was through words and that is wonderful too. I met B while walking my dog, so there was physical attraction, but what he represents and the way he acts is more impressive to me now.
Somethings are so more important in life. My 18 year old grandson died yesterday and now I think about all the things he will miss in this life, so we should be happy with ours.

Hugs, Valerie