HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

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tkmeaway 09/30/2015

My husband passed away on July 18th of his year. We were married a month shy of 16 years and were together 19. He died of lung cancer Stage IV. I was extremely lonely one night and joined Senior People Meet. Well as soon as I did I realized that it was a mistake. As the gentlemen were sending me messages I would nicely write back and explain the above and told them right now I just wanted to be friends. Two of them wrote back with one stating you can't have enough friends (he's lost three this past year) and being friends would be nice. The other wrote back with such a sweet message basically saying the same. I have talked to both on the phone and they both seem to be genuine and very nice. One of them I met for an afternoon at the zoo. We had a very nice time. Am I crazy for doing this? Is it to soon? I loved my husband to the moon and back but I know he wouldn't want me sitting around lonely. I'm afraid of what others would think. My three daughters don't seem to think I'm doing anything wrong...that Charlie would say go for it...but then Charlie was their step father and maybe that's different. I'm not looking for anyone's approval....just wanted to see what others thought.

Jacuzzi63 09/30/2015

Tkmeaway... there's no time limit or rules on grieving... me, I started dating about 4 months after my husband passed, was looking for a more romantic relationship, and thankfully met two nice gentlemen who realized I wasn't ready.
Since you've set the parameters of the relationships, and the men are honouring them, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Anyone who thinks so, should mind their own business. Honour your own heart.

Meboysmom 09/30/2015

I agree no specific time limit but I think the basic thought is you should wait a year to make sure you are not just acting on loneliness or desperation. My deceased husband was an attorney and we had a couple of clients who got hooked up way to fast and didn't take the time to discover more about the person they were marrying. Both ended in divorce. One client almost lost everything she had as the new hubby started selling her stuff right after they married. He had convinced her he was a pastor so she married him without spending time to get to know him well, so online stuff can be scary. So just be careful and take it slow! Bonnie

regwin 09/30/2015

It's so lonely at first when you find yourself on your own. There is nothing wrong with making new friends to talk with and spend time with. Take your time if possible about entering into a relationship. Get to know the new people you meet.
There have been success stories of people meeting on the dating sites. There's also some very aggressive men who let their intentions known right from the start. You'll know who to continue to talk with and who to delete. I wish you well. Dolores

rebl3157 09/30/2015

I don't think it's too early to make friends. But not a serious relationship. You need to discover who you are now. But I agree with the others. No certain timeline. Make sure you take time to grieve or it will catch up with you later
Just my opinion
Rachel

tkmeaway 10/01/2015

Thank you all for your responses. I'm certainly not ready for anything serious. One of the men I know will only ever be a friend....the other someday far down the road could turn into something more but that won't be for a long, long time. He knows that and at this point is willing to just be friends and take is slow. If something would change and I start to feel pressure from either of them, the brakes would be put on real fast. I'm not sure I ever wanted to get married again...first marriage ended in a horrible divorce and now the loss of my second husband....I'm not sure I could go through it a third time. Thanks again for your advice....it meant the world to me.

Shrn 10/02/2015

I needed to take my time before entering the world again. I tend to hibernate when things go wrong -which is not good. But I used this time to self inspect. Who was I as a person, what do I want or need, and how would I get through tomorrow? I had happiness with my husband and raising our children. Happiness in being a grandma Happiness in my work. Those things had changed over the years. Retired, wife, Children adults. Who was left. Me without definition!

We learn from our life experiences and our interaction with others. Enjoy your time with your friends and remember that you are whole in yourself. Then judge for yourself what path to follow. Sharon

donnalovestodance 10/04/2015

Hi I don't think your crazy. I just lost my husband in august and I was with him only 7 years and almost three was married years. I't was a shock because he didn't have a terminal illness he just died in his sleep. I wasn't around for his passing because I was in Chicago helping my mom take care of my dad's passing. I'm only 43 years old and I know I would like to have someone to share life with. I'm still grieving and I don't know what that would entail having someone again or how to search for it. but if you have nice men that are sincere and great you should go for it. No one should tell you how to feel or act. I'm on dating sites just for 5 days. I'm talking to a couple guys but nothing is big sparks. but i'm hoping for it eventually. take care and have fun.

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