Found this on Plenty of Fish, so funny.

Notice: This profile is provided as a public service by the Turkish Dairymen's Association of the Greater-Chattanooga Area. Its purpose is to facilitate the establishment and development of relationships by making the jerks here on Plentyoffish look not that bad, and to assist you in the task of significantly lowering your standards. For questions or comments, please contact the Association directly. If you require a response, enclose a self-undressed, stamped elephant.

Sincerely,
Mehmet Nizhir, Secretary

P.S. Can anyone recommend a good, cheap depilatory? ~~Mehmet


Thank you very much for taking the time to read my profile. They said to put things on here to show that I'm unique, but for the life of me I can't think of anything! I'm just a regular guy. I write a little free-verse poetry, I do pencil sketches, and I like being near the water. I love to take long, romantic walks along the shoreline and poke at dead things with a sharp stick. Anyway I'd like to say that I want to start as friends first. What the heck, it takes my Viagra at least thirty minutes to kick in anyway, so we're gonna have a little time to kill. I may not be the smartest or most handsome guy on Plentyoffish, but I can hold my own. Come to think of it, I've been doing that quite a bit lately. I was dating a woman I'd met here on PlentyOfFish, but she isn't speaking to me anymore just because I didn't open the car door for her. But it wasn't my fault!! I just panicked and swam to the surface.

I've come to the conclusion that the primary cause of divorce is marriage. Sure, I believe in monogamy, but some of you women are such fanatics about it. Whatever happened to moderation??? Seriously though, I'm a strong proponent of the institution of marriage. Married women are sooooo hotttt!! But that's not what I'm looking for, so please don't get the wrong idea, okay? What I'm really looking for is a rich widow with big boobs and a VERY low I.Q... Hahahaaaaaa I'm just kidding. She doesn't have to be a widow.

I've had a variety of occupations. Someone once told me that women like a man with stable employment. So I got a job in a stable. It didn't help. I was a giraffe choriographer for a while -- pretty good cloggers, but lousy foxtrotters. I worked for a while at a dry cleaners, but I gave it up for lint (insert rimshot here). Assistant for a doctor who specialized in circumcisions -- ten bucks an hour, plus tips...

So you want to save the planet? Well I think that is just wonderful! Everyone should have a hobby. But did you know that scientists have discovered that Global Warming is caused by Al Gore?? Apparently he's full of hot air. And Obama may have made a few mistakes, but I still believe he is a good, honest man who only has the country's best interests at heart. I also believe in the Tooth Fairy, Amway products are so good they practically sell themselves, and you really can meet your soulmate on PlentyOfFish. You probably think that I couldn't think of a single thing that I like about Bill Clinton, but that is sooooooooooo not true! He has nice hair. But Democrat women are precious! Bless their hearts, as long as you go on and on about how you hate George Bush and how everything is his fault...you're in like Flynn! Wooooo Hoooooo!!!! Get out the plastic sheet and the Wesson Oil, cuz it's PARTY TIME!!!!

I am the founder and current President of the Groovy Dudes Association. We mostly sit around and think about how groovy we are. I am a thinker, a ponderer, a delver into the great mysteries of life. I wonder...What do you feed a pet peeve? What's with this "Searching For Mister Right" thing -- Does he owe you money or something? How in the world does poop get on the underside of the toilet seat? If you believe in necrophilia between consenting adults, isn't it possible that there's something you don't understand? Is doing the Hokey Pokey and turning yourself around REALLY what it's all about? Isn't your ex looking pretty good to you right about now? If life is a gift, what's the exchange policy? What's a nice guy like me doing on a smarmy dating site like this? If you're eating a bag of M&M's and there's only one left, is it just an M? If the waitresses at Hooters have big boobs, do the waitresses at IHOP only have one leg? (Speaking of IHOP, our local IHOP is very popular. Their pancakes are selling like hotcakes.) Is it possible that you might be dsyelixc? Can you suffer from amnesia and experience deja vu at the same time? I think I've forgotten this before...

And I know that you women have things that you wonder about as well. So this, once and for all, here and now, is the answer to what you've been pondering in your heart: No, as a matter of fact, I don't have anything better to do with my time.

A little-known fact: Did you know that Flushing New York and Banning California are actually PLACES?? I thought they were just good ideas!

Spirituality is important to me. I have studied the major religions of the world and read the ancient and contemporary writings of all the great thinkers and spiritual leaders. Regardless of their concept of the Deity, be he Cosmic Muffin or Hairy Thunderer, they all seem to agree on two fundamental principles where it touches how we live our lives. The first is, live peacefully, be kind to your fellow man, treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. And the second? Money is evil so send all of yours to me. Eventually I plan on starting my own religion (I'll probably be needing a High Priestess, if you'd be interested in the gig. But you'll have to look good in a thong and not mind being slathered with apple butter.), but for now I'm a member of the Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship, conveniently located between the local ACORN office and the Free Clinic, just across the street from Amanda's Place. (Amanda doesn't accept checks anymore...Go figure...)

I can't believe that I'm not on anybody's favorites list...But enough about me! I want to talk about YOU! Sooooooo...What're you wearing?

First DateI don't want to be embarrassed in public again by a woman who has no sense of fashion. I'll be wearing my tutu, Viking helmet, and frogman flippers, so please dress appropriately. And no, apple butter and a thong would not be appropriate. Let's not mix sacred with secular.