HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
At this age, we should be able to have adult discussions about sex. I'm over 2 years into widowhood. I had one partner after my husband's death just because I was tired of struggling with sexual frustration. It didn't last long and I got the full work up of tests done. I am not promiscuous by any means. Other than him, I was with my husband. During our marriage, there were occasions that I wondered about his fidelity. No proof but just a nagging feeling. Of course that was in our 20's
I've been seeing a man for 3 months now. He's very patient. He is divorced. Following his divorce, he had casual sex. Says he doesn't want to do that anymore. My value is marriage. Says he's in love with me.
So, my question is this. Am I over the top worrying about disease? He's 45, I'm 42. I'm not pristine and even though I never cheated on my husband, I had suspicions of my husband cheating on me a couple of times (before he died, he told me he never cheated)
New guy says he used a condom during casual sex following his divorce. He also says he's been checked by a Dr. Do I beleive it? He's been trustworthy all along with everything else.
I can't judge him for the casual sex thing following his divorce because I did it too, even though I wanted to wait for marriage. It can be very difficult to deal with sexual frustration along with other life issues. I wish this wasn't such a taboo subject.
I'm in love with this guy and if he had a disease, I wouldn't love him any less. Sometimes I think my thinking comes from a young girl perspective because I married so young and didn't have to deal with these issues until now.
Any advice from other adults here?
I've been seeing a man for 3 months now. He's very patient. He is divorced. Following his divorce, he had casual sex. Says he doesn't want to do that anymore. My value is marriage. Says he's in love with me.
So, my question is this. Am I over the top worrying about disease? He's 45, I'm 42. I'm not pristine and even though I never cheated on my husband, I had suspicions of my husband cheating on me a couple of times (before he died, he told me he never cheated)
New guy says he used a condom during casual sex following his divorce. He also says he's been checked by a Dr. Do I beleive it? He's been trustworthy all along with everything else.
I can't judge him for the casual sex thing following his divorce because I did it too, even though I wanted to wait for marriage. It can be very difficult to deal with sexual frustration along with other life issues. I wish this wasn't such a taboo subject.
I'm in love with this guy and if he had a disease, I wouldn't love him any less. Sometimes I think my thinking comes from a young girl perspective because I married so young and didn't have to deal with these issues until now.
Any advice from other adults here?
In my community, we are seeing a rise in STDs due to all these casual hook-up sites and smart phone apps...our generation is not immune, either.
Far better to be safe than sorry. And if there is an issue, then you can make and informed decision on how to proceed.
Finally we looked at each other and said I love and trust you. I want to be as close to you as I can possibly be to another human being and we decided to shorten our time period. And we are very happy with that decision. Two consenting adults can make their own plans if they are honest with and trust each other. Not having sex is dang frustrating! Just sit and talk and work it out.. Come to a conclusion that you are both comfortable with.
Hugs,
Val
Sex shouldn't be a taboo subject. It's a natural feeling and it's part of being human. I'm so glad you brought up the subject. It was after 2.5 years that my husband died that I started dating. I was sexually frustrated so I had encounters with two men and they were a mistake because they did not want a relationship. I was in a relationship with a man who had intimacy issues so I was sexually frustrated with him. I am now dating a man for two months. I had the old fashioned values of being married.... but, when I think about it I realize I'm 45, I have three kids, I'm financially secure so I'm not sure if being married is a wise option for me. I would like a life partner, someone to share my life with as I grow older and in retirement years. That said, I like sex so I'm experiencing it with my new boyfriend. We express ourselves to each other and we talk about a future together. I've learned that life is too short so just enjoy.
Antonella
I got tested just prior to entering the only relationship I have had in nearly 4 years and he did as well, but before that we had safe sex when we felt in love and ready
So after 3 months, he's a really good guy. I really trust him. He gets very excited to see me and I get excited to see him. We have fun together. He acts like a gentleman with me. We've made out a few times. I can hold off in those times. But when I start thinking about how it COULD work; marriage, engaged, dating or, whatever is best for me, my brain gets all foggy and I can't think straight.
Thinking of conversations like this isn't easy... Combined with my lack of experience and my demure self, actually talking about it is going to be a major milestone!!!!