HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

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saleeby 11/03/2015

I lost my husband of 32 yrs to a sudden heart attack. I was devastated. Two weeks later I received a condolence card from an old friend of his who we had lost touch with. I texted him and we began to communicate almost everyday. He was there for me in my pain and offered me support and laughter. We instantly connected.We went out for meals and even a show once and he was just a light in my darkness. Now what started as a deep friendship connection two months ago has grown into something much more for both of us. I did not look for this but it happened. Except for his core values and good heart he is nothing like my husband. I loved my husband very much and honored all my vows right up "till death do us part" and he will always have a place in my heart but I am here and if I can find happiness with this wonderful man I am not going to pass it up. I do dread telling my in-laws. They live over a 100 miles away for the most part so don't see them often and my husband and I never had children but I really don't think my in-laws would accept this very well. I will probably receive allot of scorn from those who know me locally too but again I feel I am entitled to happiness in what remains of my life and if these people can't accept it then it is their loss not mine as I don't believe anyone has a right to judge me and what I do with my life. Has anyone else had to deal with negative reactions when you began to move forward with your life even if you really weren't intentionally searching for someone else?

Shrn 11/03/2015

I did find a friend who brought me joy after losing my husband. It ended up being a transitional relationship that helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. Ours was one not of a romantic love but of caring and support. He was also widowed and the positive and support means a great deal to me still.

There was times we questioned moving to another step, but it was truly a friendship and not more. We saw each other for almost a year. In that time we both learned that we were going in different directions.

I d know if your relationship is transitional or not. But enjoy it and be happy with each other. Learn from each other and enjoy the time you have together. Don't make long term decisions, but enjoy the time you have. I don't think you need to announce anything to anyone right now. Just enjoy what you have and see where it goes.

On a personal note , I eventually met a different man and fell in love with him and he with me. We have been together for 5 years. Sharon

saleeby 11/03/2015

Thank you Sharon. I expressed the same concerns to him that for me it might be just a transitional friendship that i was reading more into but for him and for me it seems like so much more. He says he thinks there is a chemistry between us that is very rare. There is such a connection between us I can't begin to describe it. Have no concerns about me making long term decisions I just want to enjoy the happiness our time together brings. I don't really want to announce it to anyone but of course locally we are being seen together (we live in the same town and have friends that knew my husband) and with the holiday's coming my in-laws want me to come down by them while I want to be with him and we have already made plans to entertain at his house for Thanksgiving. I am glad you found happiness and for however long it may last I intend to enjoy the happiness i am feeling now.

billswifeval 11/03/2015

Good to hear your enjoying your life.

donnalovestodance 11/03/2015

I think its great you have someone your having fun with. I would love to find that. My husband died in august. I'm on dating sites for trying to make friends and see how it goes. I don't think I necessarily ready for a boyfriend or love again. but I would love to find a friend. It seems to me this is a great thing. I don't think my inlaws would be mad at me for moving on. I think they will be ok with you with someone else. My husbands death was unexpected too. so do what feels right to you. It's great you are moving on with life. Hugs, Donna

kkg17 11/03/2015

Saleeby- I am happy for you. I know how sad and devastated you were when you first joined this site, and I know you were absolutely not looking to find anyone else so soon. But you did connect. I went to a therapist (finally after 8 months) and she said that we are wired to be with a partner. I do think I would be happier if I had someone to share my life with. The days would go by much faster, I’d have someone to cook for, have someone to think up things to do, instead of myself always planning how I spend my time...I’m not going to look or be open until the One Year mark, but then i will be open to possibly meeting someone.
As for your in-laws or anyone else...I’m sure they know how much you loved their son, and how devastated and lonely you were when you lost your husband. How can they be opposed to your filling a hole in your heart and becoming whole again? You knew how to love a man, and your man loved you so much that you want to experience it again. Go for it! Again, I’m really happy for you.

regwin 11/03/2015

Saleeby,As you can see, everyone here is happy for you. You have a right to live your life as you please. In the end , you may find that your in-laws will be accepting and understanding. Enjoy every minute of your new relationship. Don't let him get away. Wishing you much happiness. Hugs, Dolores

deauxgirl 11/04/2015

I'm happy or you, if it is really what you want. Just know that we all have to go through the grief, if not it could catch up with you later. Since he knew your husband, it will be easier on you. Sometimes people jump into a relationship to avoid the pain of loneliness. Just be aware of all these feelings. I know one lady going through a divorce right now, because she was lonely. When you feel secure in your relationship, don't feel you have to hide it from relatives. It's your life and you deserve happiness, like everyone else. I wish you luck.

Paula

sandeestttn 11/04/2015

I am sorry to be a downer, but isn't it a bit soon? from September? JMO

tkmeaway 11/05/2015

Saleeby, I also started seeing someone within two months of my husband's passing. I, like you, loved my husband very much. I watched him deteriorate before my eyes for the five months he was fighting lung cancer. I know in my heart he wouldn't want me to be sad and lonely. The man I met has been very supportive with my feelings. I haven't stopped mourning my husband but I haven't stopped living either. I told his brother and sister-in-law about the new guy and to my surprise they were very supportive also. They thanked me for taking such good care of their brother and told me God must be rewarding me for the tender care I gave him. I'm taking this new relationship slow and easy....as I pray you do too. My advice to you is enjoy life, have fun and do what you think is right. You answer to no one but yourself. I wish you the best.

Marilyn

mel40 11/05/2015

I also worried. It's been almost 3 years. Loneliness is very tough. You are blessed to have found somebody. I agree with Sharon, just live; don't jump the gun. I dated 2 men before my fiancé and thought I was in love. I wasn't. It was chemistry and excitement and hope. After a while, I discovered that I wouldn't be happy with them. I moved on. That wasn't easy either. Just be aware of yourself and give things time. Lots of time. Grief is a funny thing and leads us through a crazy path. Good luck and God bless!

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