HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
It's taken me some time to understand... But here goes...
From what I understand, when we met, he wanted a "happy, healthy marriage". And I was ripe for picking. He wooed me. He proposed after 6 months. We were engaged for 6 months. From what I gather, he decided that he was no longer emotionally available to anyone. It just kind of happened. Well, it's been a month since our break up. He has had a month to think about it and he still isn't emotionally available. That's on him. Not me. I am very emotionally available and look forward to life, not checking out.
Anyway. I accept it. I will date other people. I will take chances. I can fall in love again. I don't know how I will spot these men who are emotionally unavailable but I'm praying about it. It will all work out...
My daughter suggested that I move on. And I'm going to take that 16 year olds advice. If what I want is a stable relationship and he's not ready, then I'm only hurting me and him by trying to force it.
Stayed tuned for next seasons riveting episodes!
From what I understand, when we met, he wanted a "happy, healthy marriage". And I was ripe for picking. He wooed me. He proposed after 6 months. We were engaged for 6 months. From what I gather, he decided that he was no longer emotionally available to anyone. It just kind of happened. Well, it's been a month since our break up. He has had a month to think about it and he still isn't emotionally available. That's on him. Not me. I am very emotionally available and look forward to life, not checking out.
Anyway. I accept it. I will date other people. I will take chances. I can fall in love again. I don't know how I will spot these men who are emotionally unavailable but I'm praying about it. It will all work out...
My daughter suggested that I move on. And I'm going to take that 16 year olds advice. If what I want is a stable relationship and he's not ready, then I'm only hurting me and him by trying to force it.
Stayed tuned for next seasons riveting episodes!
i read something that says "if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them"
The thing I think regarding the emotionally unavailable is listening and waiting, time really does reveal so much.
In my life i have made the mistake of being swept away, but i really dont like that, i make poor decicions at this age and this time being 'swept' so i prefer a slow steady climb into a lasting and well thought out relationship.
time has been my friend, time has helped me time without a partner, time without looking, time looking inside me that makes me pick properly or spot some signs.
best of luck as you continue on the winding road of life after the death of the love of your life
Time is the key. Time in all things helps bring clarity. I think you daughter gave you some wise advice. I have been worried that your ex-fiancée is not emotionally prepared for a long term relationship and is still dealing with his own emotional issues, as you can see from my response to your keeping it real post from yesterday. It also is bothersome that he called you clingy earlier on in the breakup. He has a lot of his own work to do.
Take your time, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space you need to recover.
Hugs,
Val
I know he needs to heal and work on his own stuff. Right now, I'm looking at the part I played and I am thankful for the things pointed out here.
Unfortunately, our daughters were collateral damage so I'm trying to plan a fun weekend with his daughter and my daughter. They are 18 and 16. And both were looking forward to becoming step sisters and had worked to build a relationship and trusted us. It seems cruel to just walk away and not acknowledge the relationship they had built. It would be 3 1/2 hours away from home so I wouldn't see her Dad. And we would have FUN without worrying about roles and expectations and responsibilities!
From my experience, men that are on-line dating have issues. I don't like to be mean or negative but these men are single for a very good reason. I stopped trying and I met someone naturally and when I least expected it. We have been dating for six weeks and we are taking things very slowly and cautiously.
The important think is to focus on loving yourself and getting a clear focus on what you really want.
Hugs,
Antonella
The impact on kids greiving is very complex as well as our own