Hi Vinlin, Yes, I call it the "Aftermath", the grief, trauma and shock that eventually subsides away after a few years, but like a tsunami wave, certain trigger points, like music, or anything can always bring back that wave of grief and sadness, which just happened to me. I'm sorry you lost your husband, especially after a wonderful 33 year marriage. I lost my husband, John, almost 2 years now, in August 2015, and 2 years is nothing. A lot of people who have gone on the widow website here are mostly not here anymore, found a new life and all, but there are still a few of us left, like me, Scottie, raintree and Darcie on the Widow website posts. Very much wisdom and thoughts as to what has happened in their lives. Raintree always posts such great articles on dealing with death and loss. Yes, I feel kind of suck in place, even though from the very beginning I tried to "move forward". That is impossible because I still want my marriage, my life with John back, but that will never happen, of course. But I listen to our music and night and think of John and our life together. It is the wonderful memories of my marriage that bring me through and I was lucky to have such a wonderful man and good marriage. So I just moved from Arizona (I'm originally from California) here to Greece, Rochester, New York to live in a senior retirement apartment. Greece is a nice little community, with beautiful trees, lots of tulips, and there is a lilac festival in spring going on now in Rochester. How far do you live from Rochester? So life is good for me now, even though I still feel sad, but then I just listen to our music at night, the only way to honor and remember our life together. I wish you peace, joy, comfort and quiet solitude. Come back often and talk here. Nice to meet you also. Take care.
Hugs and sunflowers, Nanette

I am one of the one still around, not as often but still pop in...Yes I get your post as after 4 years I am still feeling stuck . I feel that not matter how much positive or how much moving forward I include in my life, there is still that big void that is partially covered with a cheap band aid and needs tending to.
I just came back from vacation and to make the transition easier, my daughter moved out into her new place. She much deserves this as she stayed with me longer than her original plans were. At 24 she earned the right to her own life and it's healthier for both of us. We do have a great relationship but her living with me was holding her back and more than likely holding me back as well.
Having said that, after 10 days away with family, coming back to an empty house last night was hard and this morning my mood is blue.

The aftermath sees us making choices we never should have had to make alone and that in itself is harsh.

I equate this aftermath as surviving...Each day that's what my life is about, surviving in the hope that one day I can be o.k. with the life I was dealt. Most days I find it in me to be so that in itself is progress.

i feel the same exact feelings. i have rebuilt a life, an existence. i recently maybe six months ago started individual therapy again. i have dated and really believed myself to have found that someone but it has not panned out. So i just work part time, go work out, work in the garden and piddle through life. at 51

Life...
As we knew it, has changed...
Each day comes, each day goes
We each cope in our own unique way
It takes time...
One step forward, 2 steps back!
But we are survivors
Hobbies, am able to tend my flower garden, walk outdoors now
What does tomorrow hold? I will find out when it happens
Find what you can to get thru the day
Keep the faith