Mel, you don't have to explain your decisions to them or anyone else. I understand your wanting to share your happiness with them, but sometimes it doesn't work. I've changed my address book more now when I am in a relationship than when I was widowed. People just don't get what we deal with. You've seen, even here, differences of opinions on dating, interner dates, how long to wait and we do know how it feels.

I waited for over 3 years, but that isn't what everyone should do. It took me that long for many reasons. My age was 60, I had been with only my husband since high school, and a thousand other things. Do what makes you happy, my friend. And your friends who truly care will be pleased to see you smile once more. Sharon

Mel as Sharon said and we will all say you dont have to answer to anyone but yourself. You must follow what your heart and mind tells you is right for you. We are not all meant to follow the same pattern in life or life would be pretty boring. That is what differences are all about. I am at a very very different place than you. Dating is not a priority on any level. I am actually finding the alone time I have right now beneficial to find out my own strength and abilities. Basically rediscovering myself. I am rebuilding my social life as a single adult and if at some point someone special talks to my heart so be it. That is exactly how I found my wife. I am kind of a romantic at heart and totally understand the desire to share one's life. For me casual dating doesnt interest me at all unless there is something special that draws me to them. I had a marriage for 22 years that I am so grateful for and I am busy helping my dgt transition to adulthood and rediscovering me. Everything I have just written works for me. I totally respect you want to move forward in a different way and that works for you. Whether we date or not to me being comfortable with your decisions and at peace with who you are is more important than anything. Please be careful there are alot of toads out there but there might be a prince in the mix lol. If my best friend who passed away a few months after my wife had lived I probably would have started dating alot sooner. The reason I am telling you that is life is complicated with no black and white answers. God bless and take care. Gerald

Thanks Sharon and Gerald! I can take care of toads :) and I can identify a prince! I trust myself, my judgment and my intuition.
I just wonder sometimes how to handle people and their "ideals" of the way I should grieve. I would have expected something different from me but that's life. You don't know how you will handle a situation until you are in it... I surprise myself with the way I've handled things. My kids come before anyone else. I want them to regain that sense of security and trust. That's one of my priorities. I take care of me and take care of my kids and then others.
Sharon, I understand what you are saying. I was only with my husband and felt very insecure at first. But, I've learned to trust myself and just have fun. Nobody has come along (other than Germany guy coming in 2 weeks) but I am open to it!

Only you will know when your ready for dating. I understand it would be nice if they understood, but only someone who has gone through it can truly understand. I actually tried to get a date awhile back as I went to a dinner meet-up and met someone I wanted to get to know better. They never got back to me but it was nice to know I could be attracted to someone. At this point all I'm trying to do is meet new people and make new friends and go from there. I think both of my SIL's would be happy for me if I met someone, but even if they weren't it would be my decision.

Best wishes,

Russ

Mel, you have to answer to no one but yourself. I understand the pressures you may be under from friends and family to conform to their idea of how a widow should be and behave. You are an adult, you are single even if you did not choose it, and to top it all you know how to sort out the princes from the toads ;-).

I hope Germany Man will be all what you hope for, however, do trust your instinct.

We all have a different timeframe and this is quite right as we are all different. A few days ago, somehow I took my wedding ring off and I feel OK about this, if you had asked a few months ago I would have been very adamant that I never would but somehow I do feel really a single woman now. Dating is not on the cards for me because I am aware of my age and I would absolutely not know how to proceed, but who knows what will happen.

All my best wishes. Viviane.

i do not share my dating life with people that knew me only as my husband's wife. Or couples that we did things with, partly because over two years later as Sharon, my address book is different, my idea of friendships is very different. Honestly much of what those former friends would discuss i am not interested in and they most certainly do not know how I must proceed with my NOW life. I do talk about it, with people that understand and most importantly my 21 year old daughter who had never seen me with another man. I have for the past 4 months had a wonderful man in my life and its great. My life NOW is not 2011 or before. Its NOW and so are the people i associate myself with.
Do not worry about answering to anyone, what their opinions are, they do not know of the shoes you wear. It is really no matter what they think. As long as you are comfortable and your children. enjoy your time. I know things look very different for me now at over 2 years than they did at one year and even at 18 months. Time does change our perspective, this much i am certain of. Best wishes to you

I realize it changes our perspective. I truly believe in myself now, where as I didn't 6 months ago....
Being a widow has changed me... I will never be the same person I was

Recognizing the fact that you are no longer the person who lives in innocence that death happens to other people and not me is a great and wise thought. I'm not the person I was either and I can't return to the past. It's not easy to accept for many of us in the first part of living after loss, but to me it's the place where life begins. To be there is moving forward on its own. Sharon