Welcome to the site. I have a few extra pounds, and have had a few dates in the few months I've been on the dating sites. You need to be very selective about who you decide to meet. Talk to them on the phone, email, get to know about them first. Meet during the day, at a coffee shop or mall, somewhere safe. Good luck with this scary part of our journey. I'm sorry about your husband, and we would all take ours back if we could.
Paula

Hi there and welcome! Sorry about you loss as well. I have a few extra curves and so far had not had any complaints - the main thing is to feel confident within youself and to like yourself. I have heard many men say that beauty is only skin deep - there are good guys out there who do not judge us by our weight or looks but by what is inside. As Paula said, talk, email and meet them and be selective. You will find plenty tips on this site and hear about all our trials and tribulations of online dating!! All part of this next chapter in this journey we did not select to be on. One can have fun and I have heard of many success stories - so go for it - and just keep on at it - are you trying to find them too or waiting for them to contact you? When I first started online dating, I was so nervous, and just waited for the men to contact me and not much happened. Now i go out and look for them and send them messages - sometimes they are just as shy as we are - try and remember that. Good luck and nice to have you here :-)

Hugs, Gail

Welcome, bluewater. It is nice to have a place to go to address our unwanted freedoms....but it's good to feel alive again too. I gained 25 pounds after my husband died. Seemed like food was my only source of comfort. But I started taking it off slowly, not because of dating, but because I FEEL better when I'm smaller, and have had fewer health problems. Have 10 pounds to go, and it feels good without those tight waistbands. I cut out most of the sugar (my weakness is flavored creamers for my coffee) and I seldom eat any kind of starch. There's plenty left out there to eat, just cutting out those two things. I've noticed though that the men I've dated also have a few extra pounds on them, so if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about it. None of us look like we did when we were in our 20's. Now, get out there and have some fun! You deserve it....hell, we all do after what we've been through.

Welcome to the group. I have found this group to be very helpful in the moving on/dating part of our grieving process. I too have a few extra pounds, well more than a few extra and have been dating a guy for a few months now. I can't believe the guys who have commented about liking my curves! I recently lost 20 pounds and it has helped so much with my self esteem, but my guy says he likes the way I am and doesn't think I need to change at all.

My new bf and I were good friends for a year before we started dating. I think it is important to really get to know a person before you decide if they are dating material, especially after what we have been through. Our spouse is gone, and not by our choice. No one will ever be like that and we would always choose to have them back instead of where we are. Just remember that no matter what you look like, or think you look like, you deserve someone great and who will be understanding to your situation.

Good luck, Lisa

Lori, I am a a very bbw, have been a bbw my whole life since puberty....never had a problem getting a boyfriend...some were quality, some were not, especially as a teen...met my new husband online, here on DS actually...told him right away that I was a bbw & sent him a photo....he said it didn't matter because to him I am beautiful because of who I am on the inside, not because I fit some societal stereo-type of what is beautiful....just be the best "you" you can be...walk, talk, act confidently, be open, & honest, and you will attract quality men....

Best wishes....Blessings 'n' Hugs, ~E~

I am have a few extra curves as well. Most of it came from not taking care of myself the last five years. I have started to do so now and am feeling much better. I am not doing it to please men. I am doing it for myself so I think any motivation fin this area should come from that perspective, just my opinion though.

As my new friend (a guy) said to me: "You have an awful lot to offer. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Do not sell yourself short due to your weight." I had asked him the same question you are asking here so that comes from a male perspective. He also said that he figured that I looked fine just the way I was. Awww...sweet. Anyway, I have gone out on a few coffee dates and the weight has not been an issue at all. All of the fellows so far have wanted to go out with me again. They are just as nervous as we are and just as afraid of rejection.

I have found as well that if you are interested in learning more about somebody on line you will most likely have to approach them. If you wait for them to approach you, you may be waiting a very long time.

Hi, I'm new here too. I met a great guy on SeniorPeopleMeet and now am head over heels in love with him. Of course I was very careful. Talked a lot online and even on the phone before any meetings took place. Went out to lunch with one guy who was a loser and left him sitting there. The important thing is to have fun and remember you have the control to say no, forget it, your not my type, or friends only. I wouldn't recommend looking for a date but instead of look to meet people and have fun. If you luck out and meet someone who makes you happy you've won; if you make a bunch of friends, you're still a winner. Sharon