HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

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Death & Dying
/ HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Support Group

Have to stop, trying to fix people

deauxgirl
deauxgirl
I sometimes are contacted by men, that I feel sorry for, and try and help someway. They tease me at work, about it, so I am aware of what I'm doing.

I'm having dinner with a retired lawyer tonight. I met him on SeniorPeopleMeet. He didn't have a picture, but he had a cam, and we talked the other night. I had googled him, and found out he went on disability in 2005. His wife died 7 years ago. While I was talking to him, I got the impression, that he probably had a minor stoke. It just seemed he was a little off, sometimes confused. What really bothered me, is when he emailed me, he put his address with his signature, and full name. I just feel he is going to be taken advantage of. Not that I can actually do anything about it, but thought I would met him and just talk. He might become a good friend. Who knows?

I'm talking to another man, I haven't met yet, and he is very sweet. The problem with him, is he has diabetes pretty bad, that he had to take disability. I hate being shallow, but don't want to fall in love with someone I have to watch die early.

Someone contacted me last night from the Widowers dating site, and I thought I could at least talk to him, he lives in Texas. I sent him an email with some of my history and then he sent one back. He said his wife died in an accident 7 years ago, and he has their 6 year old to raise now. What's wrong with this picture? He has to be a scammer with no common sense. He said he's been in this country for 18 years from Crotisa.

I did met the child I'm going to mentor yesterday. She's 13, a little of the chunky side. Doesn't like to sweat, just like me. Likes to cook, and wants to be in the medical field. I'm taking her to see the movie "The Help" Sunday.

With these men so confusing, you have to have your guard up. How will I ever feel comfortable letting it down, to get to know anyone?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Interesting topic / post. My thought is that I want to find someone who will ''fix'' ME.. Someone I can learn from, who will bring out more dimensions in my life, enrich it, and who will ''go boldly where no man has gone 'before' ha ha ha. Seriously - we never ever know what's going to happen in our lives - do we? Aside from tweaking a relationship, to get ''along'' with someone, we all have our quirks - boy, I do. I act just like me at all times - take it or leave it. I tend to open up right away , and show the real me, and expect that the person I'm interested in will as well. Too old for games. If we love someone enough , we will take a leap of faith. I think that 'when it's right, 'BONK'' the Love Fairy will knock us out, and we won't even THINK about the ramifications of a twitch let's say - a limp - no teeth - you get the picture!!!!. I know that I should be more stringent in my criteria - but I still believe that love is blind, and although it might not be realistic at my age, I would go toward love, because life is too short, as we all know. As far as online dating/looking that's fine - but I don't like the ''instant evaluations'' it causes you to make - sort of like a factory line up! I know it's good for most people - but for me - I'm still waiting for the ''Love Fairy''. Then we can go on the ''Love Boat''???? oy vey. xoxo Vicki
OnMyOwn2010
OnMyOwn2010
"I think that 'when it's right, 'BONK'' the Love Fairy will knock us out, and we won't even THINK about the ramifications of a twitch let's say - a limp - no teeth - you get the picture!!!!. I know that I should be more stringent in my criteria - but I still believe that love is blind, and although it might not be realistic at my age, I would go toward love, because life is too short, as we all know."

Well said, Vicki-luv...and in the case of Joe & myself...100% spot on....we didn't care at all about what my mom used to call "the warts and wrinkles"...

And Vicki, Paula, "when Cupid shoots his arrow, I hope he "MRS" you!" LOL....
Blessings, Love & Hugs!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well dang y'all. I ain't broke and don't need fixing....and I must have offended the "Love Fairy" in someway cause she ain't been around here in a month of Sundays. Too bad y'all live so far away! My DS buds, Paula and Vicki -- I'd like to give y'all a big ole hug

~Loran.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nah Loran....I don't think you have offended the ''Love Fairy''. Knock out some teeth, that way, you get a visit from the ''Tooth Fairy'' - so you can fly around, from place to place - village to village - widow to widow, to dispense hugs (and cake (?) - . Might be a good ''career'' after retirement???? Just thinking.....
deauxgirl
deauxgirl
A wonderful thing for Loran to do after retirement. Go around and brighten all the DS widows days, with a little magic dust. lol
Paula
deleted_user
deleted_user
Aww Cupid, how in the world can you keep missing my well padded behind? Ya would think the target would be easy enough to hit. Oh...maybe the problem is the other fellow. Their scrawny rears are hard to hit especially when they are fast tracking in the opposite direction with legs pumping and wispy grey hairs (if they have any) flying in the slip stream that they have produced in their haste to avoid your pointy little arrows. Dear Cupid, perhaps you can hit one for me I find one that can't run so fast? It is alright by me if he is a tad out of shape or too old to run. Seriously, I even feel safer if I know that if push came to shove and the fellow turns out to be somewhat of a pervert I would come out the winner.

On a more serious note, I do know what you are saying. I have been grappling with this same issue myself. I correspond with one man who is a cancer survivor. The cancer did take a lot away from him and he will probably have to be on permanent disability and will not be able to return to work. . He does know how I lost my husband and does understand the terror I have of losing again to it so I think that it is holding us both back from possibly a wonderful relationship. I do feel that if I keep thinking this way somehow maybe I am letting cancer beat me if I let it decide who I will love or not love. This is a very tough issue for me. Most of the fellows that I have met do have health issues or are maybe somewhat older that I would prefer. I have decided that I will talk to, meet and be friends with any man who is honest, real and decent. As to who I end up on the love train with or if I ever do I am going to quit worrying about it and Leave it in Gods hands. Paula, I think it is alright if you are friends to these guys and that you talk to them. Loran, you are a dear and I do not understand why the Love Fairy is being such a hag. I have come to the conclusion that she/he (who is to say that the love fairy is a girl?) is really a very bad shot.