Age has nothing to do with it. Just take your own advice, go out, have fun with your friend. Just see what happens. Could be, neither of you are ready........yet.

Time will tell. I agree with RiverBends. I am beginning to think that we just yearn for what we used to have and trying to "locate it" again, is not possible. There has to be some kind of chemistry, doesn't there?
To me, taking on a new friendship is just learning about one another as the time together evolves. After seeing a gentleman for the past year, there is honestly no chemistry or intimacy at all. We have never even talked about it either. If his gifts, flowers and dinners are his way of being intimate, then I am guilty!
I feel as though I am in a limbo of sorts in thinking that I need to get out and meet someone....but how does one do that...since I will not attempt the dating websites!

For those that have fallen in love recently, you must have had that chemistry from the get-go??

Hang in there deauxgirl, at least your trying to see what's out there.
Kate

Thank You Kate, it's been a little over 2 yrs now since my husband passed. and now I'm trying to work things out in my own head. and yes, I think I do yearn for what I use to have. I think everybody does. and thats what makes it hard for us. being with a man for 26 yrs, and then back to dating again...... OMG....... you just want instant security, trust, Love, companionship, and devotion. thats what I truely miss... I told a theapist once, that you could put me and my husband in a room full of women, and I knew my husband was only looking at me and only me. Thats True Love, and Thats the Love I Miss and Want...............

I actually believe that I have the capacity to fall deeply in love again. I am feeling much more in touch with my feminine side as well as emotionally and physically. I am hoping that the "greatest love of all" will be what I find at this age... just to find the bugger is the problem!!! ;-)

It doesn't matter the age, it's what we've been through that gives us the cold feet. I started dating again a year and a half after I lost my husband. The new guy and I have been together for 10 months now. I thought i was ready when we started dating even though he said he didn't think I was. Turns out he knew me better than I knew myself. It took about 5 months for me to really get settled and be comfortable. And now at 10 months I am asking myself if I am really "in love". With my husband I knew almost instantly that he was the one and after 2 months of dating I couldn't hold it in any longer and told him I loved him. It is so different with the new guy. Is it that you just don't love again like you do your first love? Is it that I don't have the capacity to really love like that again? Am I guarding myself to not get hurt so badly again? I know that I care deeply for him, that I think about him all day long, that it makes me smile when he calls me honey or babe or when he holds my hand. I know I don't want to be without him and I want tomorrow with him and he has been my best friend through my loss. I guess that is love. It is just different.

I am not really one to answer this question...I have loved a total of 2 times in my life and both times it just happened. But I think that's what you will find when it is right. I never believed in a million years I could ever love someone the way I loved Dan. I thought a day would come when I would remarry, but I had this picture of friendship growing slowly to love. Didn't happen that way. I was knocked down and powerless to stop it. Definitely was NOT easy. I fought it, didn't trust it, even believed I might possibly be going off my rocker.
And for the flip side, my husband now had the opposite experience. After being abandoned by his wife, he tried to find love again, was in a serious relationship for 2 years and tried his hardest to turn it into love. He finally came to realize that it wasn't love and he couldn't force it to become love and broke it off. He dated several other women and just couldn't figure out what was wrong with the him or them, wondered if he was capable of loving or being loved again. But when we met, there were sparks. By the end of the first week, both of us knew this was something serious and it just felt right. More right than anything had for either of us in a very long time.
So many other people have shared similar stories with me that I think when it is really love you know.
And yes I do believe you are capable of loving deeply again. I don't think you are holding back your feelings...I think when they are truly there, you will have no power to hold them back. Heaven knows I tried to hold mine back. I was even horribly mean to him the first couple of months. I think I subconsciously wanted him to leave before I fell any deeper. But thank God that didn't happen.
Hang in there...enjoy the fun times you have on your dates and don't worry about what might or might not develop.

Have been following this discussion because it is soooo where I am right now! It's only been 8 months since my DH died, but it's not like if I put my life on hold until the year mark or whatever that anything in that regard will be different - it will just be more time passed since he died! I decided early on that tho I would not put myself out there (as in going out looking) I would be open to experiencing love again, whenever and if, it was meant to be... I do not want to spend the rest of my life by myself. Yes I have lots of kids and the first couple g'kids, my folks, my students, and always the idea of doing for or giving of my time to others. BUT, I want to be able to really live my life - which to me is to be sharing it with someone unique & special to me whom considers me in the same way unique & special to him, which of course always would include the rest, but would still provide me w/my own little world. Everybody has their own life centered around themselves - they're supposed to - and I think the happiest & most content are those that are willing to let in a special person that completes their private circle. I don't want to just be an outsider to other's private worlds, I want to have my own. I've been there and it's a special place. I feel like I have to much life left to know it's out there & not want to experience it again. Yes, it will be different - but that doesn't make it a bad thing.

That said, I have found myself in a relationship a couple months old that just happened so quickly I'm still afraid to truly trust it for what it feels like, or even call it love. It seems so early and so fast and we both are very open in discussing all those kinds of ramifications - but they don't seem to apply, tho we're both very mindful of what we've been thru and are allowing ourselves whatever is necessary to be honest & open. We do have a history as HS sweethearts & continuing friendship thru our early 20's. In fact he attended both of my weddings. This was a reconnect at our 40th HS reunion - & we both kind of marvel at how amazing the timing has been and for how fitting my DH's consistent belief in how serendipity worked in his/our life. But for now it definitely puts a smile on our face, a deep level of comfortableness, and a definite hopefulness for the future. He stopped seeing others, & I've not had the desire to start... At this point it's been mainly long distance - spent time together once a month & talk on the phone for hours every evening. We're putting it to the test over the X'mas break by spending a long period of time together - then we'll see if we've come up w/any "dealbreakers" cuz at this point neither of us has. If nothing else, we are definitely enjoying the time so far and trying not to worry about what might or might not come of it in the long run.

Thanks for this forum to say this out loud to someone else that understands - been there, or at least looking forward to being there. Will keep ya posted :) All I can say from my limited experience is to hang in there & I think I agree that when it happens you will know - but don't stress about whether it's possible or not - because at least in my heart I'm going to continue to believe that experiencing love again is possible.

Yes, I do beleive you can fall in love again at our age. But like everything else, it's not the same..... and it's not supposed to be.

The last time I fell in love I was 15. I was an immature, giddy schoolgirl who had no real idea what love was. Fortunately my first marrriage was a happy one and I guess you could say we grew up together..... and grew into our love for each other.

I'm in love again, but this time I fell in love at 52! I know what it means to commit your life to someone, the good and the bad! Love is so complicated. It's so different for everyone.

I've been remarried for two months now. There have been laughs, there have been tears.... But at the end of the day, it's so comforting to know there is someone waiting for you at home with open arms and love in their heart.

I am with Roxiegurl. She said it all for me.
I have been married twice, but my great love was my second husband who passed away in August. Find another one like him? I doubt it, his standards were too high. Lower my standards? Am too old to change, but yes, I would love to hve someone to talk to, to go out with now and then, but I am not a crowd person, Iam a one on one type person. Am to old and set in my ways, but yet I have always loved male company. Guess it is just a bit too early for me, I am still in the greaving process... but I miss the warmth of having someone to talk to. Guess that right now I can only honestly say Idont know how I feel, except sad and lonely without my Beloved. Maybe things will change as the months go by.

After Jim died I went out once with 65 year old widower. He was ok but he would never stop talking. Couldn't get him off the phone. Oh I am now 59 and this was 2 years or so ago. I told him I just wanted to be friends and that ended it. I wasn't ready then. Now I think I am ready but I don't see anyone knocking down my door. I really don't want to computer date either. I figure if it's gonna happen it will.

My first post for advice!

I don't think age has a mater in wanting to be loved or have companionship.

It was actually my own Mohter's experience that led me to move on this group.

My mother is 70 and hass been widowed for 20 years. IN that time, she NEVER went on a date or had a male companion. Suddenly, earlier this year, she met a very nice man who is her age and has been widoed for 10 years. They started going to moives and dinner and I have never seen my mohter so happy! I am glad she is finding this happiness in her life. They are head over heels in love. He has been to all family dinners/holidays this fall/winter and met her family. I don;t know where it is going to lead for them but I think they are disucssing mariage.

So, no, age is not a detriment.

And I hoipe I can one day fine that happiness again.