HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
I've been dating a man for a year now. We said in the very beginning, we weren't going to say "I love you" and keep it light. We see each other about once or twice a week. We laugh, have fun, never have had an argument. Lately we both starting reading self help books. I started "Finding True Love in 90 days" and he starting a book, I actually gave him, not knowing it was about love and relationships. We've had discussions about love, not knowing if we will ever feel it again. He thinks love is more of a spiritual connection. I guess I think it is more of an emotional connection. He's met most of my family, except my son, who lives out of state, and I've met all his family. I told him, last week, that I thought I was broken emotionally and he said he thought the same about himself. We both came from families not too touchy feely. I think of him daily and we talk almost everyday. I care for him and I know he cares for me. I asked my mom, when she married for the 2nd time, if she felt the same type of love for her husband as she did for my dad. She told me, no, that it was a more comfortable feeling she had for him.
So, am I hanging on for nothing? I'm not interested in anyone else. I guess I keep waiting for love to hit me, but maybe it will be one to grow. What do you think?
Paula
So, am I hanging on for nothing? I'm not interested in anyone else. I guess I keep waiting for love to hit me, but maybe it will be one to grow. What do you think?
Paula
When I met Jerry the things that made me think I could love him were very small and probably insignificant to anyone but me.
He remembered I had talked about having trouble with the air in my tires when we were chatting online... the first time we met, he insisted on going to a gas station to check the air in my tires.
When I drove my car into the side of his truck and put a six foot stratch down the side of it, he felt sorry for ME!
When my MIL was in the hospital on life support, he went to the grocery and bought milk and bread so I would have something to eat when I got home.
....... just small things that added up to a feeling that this was a man that I could love and who could love me.
Time has proven that to be true.
Is it the same love I felt for my 1st husband, no...... but I never expected it to be.
They are different people and the love I feel for each is TOTALLY different.
The only advice I can give you is to trust your heart and not over think it..... If its meant to be, it will come.
When I met Jerry the things that made me think I could love him were very small and probably insignificant to anyone but me.
He remembered I had talked about having trouble with the air in my tires when we were chatting online... the first time we met, he insisted on going to a gas station to check the air in my tires.
When I drove my car into the side of his truck and put a six foot stratch down the side of it, he felt sorry for ME!
When my MIL was in the hospital on life support, he went to the grocery and bought milk and bread so I would have something to eat when I got home.
....... just small things that added up to a feeling that this was a man that I could love and who could love me.
Time has proven that to be true.
Is it the same love I felt for my 1st husband, no...... but I never expected it to be.
They are different people and the love I feel for each is TOTALLY different.
The only advice I can give you is to trust your heart and not over think it..... If its meant to be, it will come.
As for your post about keeping it lite, do you feel comfortable asking him if he is happy with being friends or would he like more? The fact you say how you think about him so much sounds like you may want more. But you asking are you waiting for nothing makes me wonder if its him you want more with. Sharon
I think we are all "broken" by loss, and I know that your friend has other issues that he is fighting. I think that we allow ourselves to love - we sort of give ourselves permission to leap head first into the unknown. As we get older, we are often so careful, so cunning, so wanting to hold onto what we DO have, that we aren't wanting to take a chance. To me, romantic love is leaping out of our perceived "danger zones", into strange territory! The comfort that we felt with our loved ones took a long time to build. On top of that, we always will have to face the fear of another loss. When it's right, in my opinion, you just JUMP!!! I know that most things are "right" in your relationship - be happy for that, and (I can't believe I am giving YOU advice - just go with it and enjoy each day). As far as marking where you are relationship wise, you don't need a deadline or a time frame - just enjoy.
Love you
Vicki