Wish I had some answers for you, but at 13 months, I am going through the same types of feelings. There is much that I could be doing, but just don't feel like it. Hope somebody has some ideas for us. Darlene

My time and feelings are very similar. I want to and should do more. I feel a sense of something holding me back. I could describe it like a fence I have built around me. Each day I seem to put another section of fence in. It feels safe where I am. Nothing can get in and hurt me, but I can't get out and enjoy life.
I try to push myself outside my fenced in yard. Outside I don't know what will happen. It could be something wonderfull. Inside the yard I know what to expect. The same as the day before.

Forgive my literary attempt, but I think it describes where I am.
Mark

I so remember that time. First of all give yourself some room and time- losing our best friend leaves such a hole in our lives and it takes a while to get your bearings and desire to live back. I didn't even want to go to church, I already was involved in volunteer stuff so I couldn't hide and I find that is what helped me get through this probably the most. You might send cards or letters to service men and women or join a grief group if there is one in your area. I recommend that it be a widow/er group. I joined the only one available here and found myself impatient with adult children who couldn't get over losing a parent, I guess I thought my grief was more special or something,so I didn't last long. My husband's mother was still living so I spent a lot of time writing letters to her and my kids as all of my family were long distance. The one thing I found the most helpful was to keep a diary every day and write down every feeling and thought. I was surprised to go back 4 years later and see all the anger and frustration I dealt with and how with time I found peace in change. I wish we could make it all go away but it is one day at a time and some day's one minute at a time. Hugs Bonnie

You have accomplished a lot already in under two years, so give yourself credit! Don't feel you need to do everything all at once or that there are time constraints on things because this causes unnecessary stress. You can move forward at your own pace, idle for a while and take whatever time it takes to feel comfortable with socializing--it will come. This is the best time to get to know you again and there will be many things you may change your mind about. As long as business issues are dealt with on a timely basis, lots of stuff can wait until you're up to it or feeling ready!

Start small. Look at your local library and see if they have a book club, or a seminar. It's easy, once you start. It is hard, to get out, for the first time. Pat yourself on the back, now and then, for what you have done. Meet Up groups are something to look into. There are book clubs, sometimes you can find a widows group. I belong to a couple, and you don't always have to attend. They will email you, when they have an activity and you can choose to go or not. Good Luck,
Paula

Cindy - as Caroline said, you've accomplished a HUGE amount of stuff in settling the estate, selling the house, etc. already. In such a short time - 16 months! (want to come do mine? it's been 26 months for me, still working on paperwork...)
I think you deserve a rest. I've always been a very social person, so getting out and about was part of my recovery. But if you're more an introverted type, then you need the quiet time now to recover. Don't feel guilty about it. It's part of who you are.
The journaling and letter-writing are good suggestions - something which keeps you in touch with yourself, and with others.
Might I suggest you consider a hobby you once enjoyed, and take lessons, or find a group that you can do this with. I love to knit, it feeds my creative soul, and I have a relaxing group of women I get together with almost weekly; we stitch, and bitch! LOL. Just one activity to start. Having one evening a week to look forward to.
Take care, xo Jacuzzi

Another comment. I do think it is important to understand that emotions can be very draining. And if you are introverted like me, being around people can be draining. I need my down time alone to get back my energy. Losing a spouse is at the top of the stress scale. Is it really any wonder we are tired.
Mark

I agree with mbrockm

pushing myself to socialize is exhausting.

I seemingly love people, when I am around them its fine. But my late husband was the one to pull me into more social things.

sooner than later it will be 4 years and I have found solace in my routine, work, church, the few people I allow in my small circle.

I am never bored.

Lonesome is something I feel for my husband but not just for company.

You have done very much in a short time.

No need to push yourself to uncomfortable places.

Its very difficult navigating what is your comfort zone. Sometimes reading to others can lead to comparing to where you feel you need to be.

Do it your way

Don't worry about pushing yourself. Do what you want and that means doing things you find you enjoy. Reading a book was a great escape from the strain of discovering who I was. Do what you feel like doing and try anything that you feel would be interesting. Sitvby the water. Take a trip. Go somewhere you want to see and while you're there smile and say hello. Connect with yourself and others who are doing what you are. Be all you can be, not for others. For you, and see who you meet while being you. Who knows. You may find someone to join you. Sharon

You might be rushing a little, getting the house project behind you, down time might be a priority, a priority we always feel bad about it seems. I started taking classes again, for credit thinking to learn something to add to my skills and non credit because that is a more social setting. We have great offerings with the community college where I live. Maybe pick two of your ideas, a heavier commitment and a lighter one.

I began volunteering and found it satisfying and rewarding. There are a lot of worthwhile organizations that need you.

I'm in this for 4 years. I'm finally branching out and traveling. I'm pushing myself some now. I'm an introvert but I am traveling some for business and pleasure. I just spent 4 days at a needlework retreat, came home for one day, then on the road again. I have 2 nights in a hotel room and will be home Wednesday. I'm in a very large city this week but I'm having a good time. However one rule I have is that if I really don't want to do it then I don't and that includes work travel. Do ONLY what YOU want to do and if you want to do nothing, then do nothing.

Nessie from KY

at 27 months. I got wore out caregiving. Then I thought I got rested up. I used to be energetic, but its gone now. My dad used to tell me, caregiving would wear you down and out. I never believed him. I do now. I would love to get myself back up. feel good again. Maybe its being 65?