I am in my 1st new relationship. It has only been 3 mos. I have fallen in love with this man and he loves me. Do I know if it will work? No. But then I didnt know if it would work when I met my husband. I am not going to assume it is going to end as then there would be no point in having started it. Don't predetermine the outcome. Yes take it slow but don't without even being ready to date already planning to break up. Who knows, she may be your second soulmate. Hugs Gwen

It depends on a lot of things. How long have you been grieving? How much healing have you actually done? Time isn't a healer, tears are. Comparison is what a person does to replace a lost object. A person must learn who they are as an individual all over again, in another place in life, and what they really enjoy, need, want in another partner. Saying these things to you are helping me to really see how 'healed' I am. Choosing a new partner should never be a comparison to the lost spouse, or if the lost spouse would "approve" of the new partner. My best advice to ANYONE before dating is to know who you are first (and be honest about it). Then make a list of non-compromise traits you want in a partner (i.e. Christian, non-smoker, health minded, non-gamer addict...etc) and a list of deal-breakers (i.e. they are controlling, they lie about little things *which means they'll lie about big things, they do drugs, etc...)
Then go into dating with no expectations; but stick to your lists.

Oh yeah...do a little study on sociopathic/psychopathic people in dating scenarios. Such demonic people aren't always axe-murderers...but they can reek total havoc in your life. They target the weak so they feel powerful.

I went out a couple of times with other men before meeting my current husband, but wouldn't consider any of them relationships..... so I guess I'd say he was my "first" We've been married now for 18 months and become for comfortable and content with each other each day.

Has it been easy, no! But it wasn't easy adjusting to married life the first time either..... learning to live with someone is hard, hard, hard!

I guess it comes down to taking a chance...... and taking a leap of faith.

I know three different couples right off the top of my head who are both widowed couples and happily married with no regrets.

I also know many who it didnt for multiple different reasons. [Myself included]

Call it not being ready or just being the 'dating game'... Although we are widows/widowers we are still people who essentially have the same needs. We are no more or less prone to being hurt than anyone else because of our situation, though maybe a tad more sensitive.

This happens often...When we stop comparing and searching for our old life and our deceased partner, and come to realize that life as we knew it unfortunately ended, we will be more apt to adjust to another situation.

We certainly can't jump in with negativity and bad opinions were are often times found from outside sources. You know you & you know what is best for you...

Good Luck.
xo

I socialuzed with a man who was also a widow for about ten months before meeting the man who I will spend the rest of my life with. It was a close friendship a.d we helped each other heal from our losses, but it wasn't a forever relationship. I will always respect him for who he is, but we both moved on different paths after a while with each others blessing.

When I met the guy I am with now, I wasn't searching for love or a permanent relationship. I was searching for a friend. The one thing I learned in my grief was who I am. I needed to accept that Don was gone and so was the life we had. I was accepting of the fact I might live the rest of my life alone relationship wise, but wanted the companionship of others to care for and care about me. Meeting Art was a gift. He was what I admired in a person and we knew it was SO right it took on a life of its own. Sharon

I'm so glad you posted this so that I can read all of the answers too. I'm dating someone and I guess you could call it my first relationship since my husband passed 2 years ago. The current man is fantastic, great with my kids and wonderful, yet I find myself thinking that this is crazy, maybe I should meet others, but I don't want to, so reading some of the responses are helpful. Thank you.

Thanks to all who replied and thanks to you WidowDad for posting! I, like you, have not started dating again but I've often wondered about it. It's good to get opinions of others and their feelings about it! Debbie

I haven't bee on here for a few months, but that's because I am in a wonderful relationship with the only man I dated since my hubby died. yes, you can fall in love with the first and only person you go out with. I'm living proof of that...I will be posting under a separate topic when I stop this one... blessings to you!

I've been in my "first" relationship for about 8 months now and I am very happy, though if you asked me a year ago if I thought this possible, I'd have said NEVER. I loved Jack for so long(since I was 16), I could never have imagined being with another man. They are very different, another big surprise. BUT, I think that ended up being a good thing too, because this way I don't compare them. Do I know if it will work? No, but my secret heart tells me we have committed for the long haul....my mind however is not quite ready to totally accept this- so sometimes I find myself in an internal struggle...I mean what are the chances that the two men I decide to be with (Jack being one) are actually the right two men for me. Wow, how lucky can one woman be. But truth be told, I am totally smitten.

Neither my first nor my second relationships worked out. I am still hooked on the second guy but the feelings are not reciprocated. I have given up on the dating thing for now.. am going to spend my time concentrating on ME. Being hurt badly whilst still grieving the death of my husband was horrible. I am going to "guard" my heart from now on..

Yes! First relationships do work. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years now. I started slowing having feelings for him only a few months after my husband passed. We started out as friends and slowly worked our way to something more. This slow growth lasted about a year. I had issued with these feelings, thinking I wasn't actually grieveing for my husband when I was having feelings for someone else. After a few months of seeing a therapist, I worked through the issues I had. About a year and a half after my husband passed, the new guy I had a heart to heart and officially started dating. The first few months were difficult, trying to get into the groove of dating again. Now we have been together for 2 1/2 years and are living together with talk of getting married.

The first relationship will be difficult no matter what, but what makes it work is whether or not you found the right person to move forward with. It might work and it might not. But do not throw a good relationship away because it's the first one since your loss.

I have only dated one person since my husband passed. I was NOT looking for anyone at the time. This is someone myself and my husband both knew for about 17 yrs. prior. He was simply being a wonderful friend to me and NEVER ever expected or asked for anything of me. Over time our feelings became evident and I have never desired to date anyone else. I am @ about 31 months and still feel like he is the one. I can't say I am ready to make things legal but as for if it is possible for the right one to be the first , ABSOLUTELY! I would just say make sure you are ready for a relationship and if you second guess yourself then by all means don't make a new committment. I still have days when I wonder what I am doing and want to run away, but now I want to run to him, that's how I know.

Great post. It depends on so many factors. Yes it can work out. It depends on whether you meet your next soul mate (first) after loss, or not. I didn't, but if I did meet Craig first, then I am sure it would have worked out then. I dated a few people that didn't work out first. I am so glad for the experiences because they helped me clearly define who I am and exactly what I was looking for. I am now with my next "forever" person and am very very happy!!
hugs...
-Diana