My daughter was 19 and away at college when dad died. She returned home a year after his death, a broken, scared 20 year old. But began working and getting therapy and enrolled in school locally and living at home. Her getting therapy and dealing with her grief was an important part of my life as well as her life. If i went on a date it was not anyone i let meet her. After she turned 21 and she is much healthier and happier and had grief therapy she understands me to be a woman. She can look at me as a woman who desire companionship. Her having not ever seen me with a man, she was up front to say she was not really interested in my dating life. After 4 months of my seeing this same man now, he has daughters and we all have gone to dinner and my daughter is very comfortable with him now. Its very easy to talk with him. But I let her tell me how she felt and i respected very much her boundaries. After all, she was grieving and there was no way i wanted to disrupt her life in any further way. Its been over 2 years now and she and i both are doing fine with it all. Good luck with your daughter. I do think very much it can confuse the kids and seeing their parent dating is just "a trip" in itself after only seeing you married. But your daughter is much younger.

As I have posted before emotionally I am not ready to date at this point but for those that are I wish them only the very best. Last Saturday I went to a work Christmas Party which was really the first large social function I have attended. Before I left the house my daughter checked to see if I had my wedding ring on the right hand(I choose to wear it there in memory). This was a clear indication to me my daughter is not ready to see me date. That wont be the deciding factor ultimately but I do recognize for whatever reason her grief was delayed in relation to mine and this Christmas she is really struggling. Mel I am also a guy who beleive's in miracle's and I hope this Germany guy proves to be incredibly nice. You are seeking a little bit of joy and I beleive we all need some of that in our lives. Sometimes the greatest risks also give the greatest gains. Hope you have fun regardless of what happens. As for your daughter the reality is her grief is very different than yours and will be expressed in different ways. God bless. Gerald

I can remember after my mom divorced my step dad. I was definitely upset with her. I was young at the time, something like 14 or 15. So I didn't realize that an adult needed companionship. All I was thinking was someone is trying to take my mom. I wish she was alive today for me to tell her how sorry I am for being mad at her during that time. I will say once I got older I did realize but it's when you lose someone you've loved over half your life and starting over is scary as all get out. I have six kids altogether, two are still home and they are 15. So I have a big can of worms that I am sure will be doing a lot of squirming if I ever choose to date someone.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. Part of me still feels guilty for wanting companionship. I guess it's the little martyr in my head. I wish she would shut up! This guy from Germany is nice. I already know that. I have a fear though that if my daughter sees me with someone else, it will devastate her. I've already had friends tell me that they are not ready to see me with someone else. That made it harder to think about my needs vs other people's needs.
I am scared. But, I was scared of death last year and I was able to hold his hand up until the end. It was peaceful. There was nothing to fear. I hope this is the same.
I'm going to pray about it. I know God cares about us all and will lead me in a direction to care for all. Pray with me, please!

My son was only a few months old when we lost his dad. I started dating someone just after he turned 2. We have now been together for almost 3 years. My son has grown up with the new boyfriend and sometimes calls him dad, or will refer to him as dad. But, he knows who is birth dad is. He knows he has 2 dads. Both I and my boyfriend are adament on my son knowing where he came from and keeping him close with his dad's family. It helps that my boyfriend new my husband, too. I know our kids are different ages, but the only advice I can give you is this. Do not forget to talk about your late husband. Talk about fun times, or things he liked to do, and remind your daughter of memories they shared. Let her talk about these as well. Do not shy away from talking about him if you get closer to this new man and he is around more. You have to show your daughter you are not replacing her dad or tring to forget him. You are moving forward with someone new and to feel joy again. She needs to know she can talk about her dad at anytime and it won't offend anyone. Good luck to you

My children were both adults when their father died. There reaction was different than each other. My son was happy because I was alone for over three years and he wanted me happy again. Our daughter was more protective of me. She took on the "mother" roll, which made it more difficult.

I don't think you can compare your children's reaction to mine because they were adults living on their own for
years. There was also a span of time involved before I was ready to move on to dating. You're still raising your children so my advice would be to keep it friendly for a while until they feel comfort around him. Kind of like an uncle coming to visit is the closest way I can describe it. Sharon

Your daughter is grieving for her father. She may not be ready to have a new man in her life. She may be afraid that she will loss you. I know that some people will believe that this is your life so go ahead and do what is important to you. Relationships are broken up due to children. So take it slow for both yours and hers sake.
Losing a father through divorce is different from losing a father through death. Children do not usually lose a father through divorce. A child that goes through divorce will be able to see, speak and have a relationship with the father. Plus some children may believe that the parents will get back together.
A child that loses a parent through death knows that there is no going back the father is gone. So again go slow & be gentle with her and yourself.

I sincerely wish you and your family to find peace and happiness.
Without a doubt It is challenging in our circumstances, and even more so, when you have a grieving child at home.
As you asked I will pray for both, you and your daughter.
For your daughter to be heard, understood, and lovingly reassured in her life's stability after the loss. Death of a parent disrupts child's world in a major way, and bereavement combined with the upheaval of youth can be overwhelming. Half child, and half adult, a teen still lacks self regulation, but death of a parent can cut off the childhood, and forces a child into an unknown world of adults for which they are not prepared. It is confusing, unsettling. I know it from my life experience.

I also pray and hope you will find wisdom and that you will patiently balance between meeting your needs and the needs of your daughter.
She is still a child, and her self control has not been developed yet, her emotional responses are raw, and gets you in trouble with the only one she has now to lean on.
Wish you to have peaceful and loving holidays.
Blessing

mistype "gets her in trouble" ...
...yet again, if our kid is trouble, we are not happy either. So you might read it as gets "us" in trouble.

ComfortablyNumb, you hit the nail on the head. I have seen this even this morning. She is learning how to deal. I don't know that its an adult situation to lose a parent because it happens for even younger kids. She is struggling with self control, I see that. Also struggling with identifying her pain and working through it. In a time of entitlement, she feels robbed of her father. She definitely comes first in my life as I am who she has and it is a blessing to me. As tough as it is..... It's just a few more years until she is grown and I am on my own :)
I am protecting her as much as I can from any more upheaval.