HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
I was chatting off line with an old DS friend about my decision to have a new relationship. I thought it would be beneficial to share it here since the topic often is brought up.
Want a new relationship? Originally my answer was no. I had been married for 40 years to my high school sweetheart. I felt married for many years after he died. Then I decided I needed to work on myself as an individual who could live independently, since I had never been alone.
Realizing that perhaps I would want a friend . It was winter and my son in law''s brother came as it was struggling across the icy walkway. I had been widowed almost 3 years. Him assisting me over the ice was electric. Not an attraction to him, but it was a touch of a man for the first time since my husband died. I began talking to a high school friend's brother and we met for lunch. Nothing romantic, but a great friendship.
Then I met Art and a was immediately attracted to him. At the same time, I feared having history repeat itself. Could I go through a loss again? Did I want to take the chance? Was it worth it? Questions we ask ourselves. We were both in our 60's.
We've been together almost 6 years. We both have shared highs and lows, including health issues, blended families, and children's reactions. Is it worth it -to us yes. It makes every moment more precious. I know one of us will be alone again, but I also know I will cry and survive and I will always be grateful for what we share just like being grateful for the years with Don.
Pat and I were in our 40s when we met in our grief support group. It was scary being attracted to another man after JR. Did it mean I didn't love my husband? Would I behave like a teenager again? Would I suffer the horrific loss again? Could I survive it?
In the end, I decided that if I ignored the attraction I would be living a half truth, I would be hiding away out of fear. That was unacceptable to me. So I took the risk, and like you found it be worth it. It is a totally different relationship, but wonderful and full of love, life and laughter. We know that we will have tough issues to face in this life, but we also know that we have a strong steady partner who has been through the fire to face those issues with. I will never regret taking the risk, no matter what pain lies ahead.
Great post!
Hugs,
Val
After having a major surgery last year, having my very solid family support system and having to move to a one level place that i could manage after the spinal fusion....i still had the support of the man i had fallen for some 2 plus year prior but my priorities shifted, my health has become my greatest focus, i am 50, no grandchildren yet.
It has now come that I approach it from the stand point of what I can and am Willing to put forth into a relationship. I do not have or find that i have the emotional energy to maintain a relationship that is serious.
A companion to do things with is nice. i enjoy my being able to walk and work up a mile or so every couple of week, i enjoy my gardening and i have to work still so by the time i am done, spending time with my daughter and my mom seems most important.
relationship is no longer top priority.
i have been on this journey long enough to know that may change, i have changed, circumstances, i have evolved, i am alone, live alone aside from my dog but very rarely if ever actually lonely and if so, i reach out
Peace and ((hugs))
~John
PS-If your curious, my best friend is someone very familiar to most here, "staygolden3" (Darcie).