If your in-laws accepted you as their “daughter”, maybe they wouldn’t care that you bring him around?
Can you think of them as “your” relatives now, since your late husband is no longer here?
It’s not like you’re flaunting a new man while your husband is alive.
Maybe they’d like you around for you.

I'm not in this situation, with my inlaws overseas I'm not likely ever to be. But I know Michelle Steinke has been dealing with this - she has the one fit widow blog and Facebook page. Her solution? Include everyone. She still has a strong relationship with her former inlaws as well as forging a new one with her new inlaws from her 'Chapter Two' new marriage. All three sets of parents were at her and her new husbands wedding. Maybe some her writing on blended families could help you.

I don't attend a lot of in-law functions mostly due to the distance between us but I've always had a good relationship with my MIL. She and I talk regularly so when I met the women I'm wiith now I told Mom about her. Glad I did because she's been very supportive and interested in our relationship as it has developed and she's excited for us as we find that happiness in this new life after our loss. It sounds like you are close to your in-laws so my suggestion is to be open with them. They'll either accept your new relationship or they won't. If they don't, do what you've said you're considering. If they do accept it then you've got more close family and who doesn't need that.
~John

You have to do what's right for you and what brings you peace.

I'm going on 2 years in my new relationship. I continue to have a very close relationship with my in-laws. They have spent time, including Christmas Day, with my girlfriend. She has been to my MIL's house, she came to a wedding on that side of the family with me...so far so good. I would think it varies depending on the family but I consider myself lucky. Good luck.

It depends on how you feel, Why do you think you want to pull away from them? Sharon

I would give anything if my in-laws had accepted my new husband. Instead they cut me out of their lives as if I never existed.

Your in-laws sound like wonderful, loving, supportive people. Why would you want to step back from that?

They stood by you during the bad times......let them stand by you during the good as well.

You're very fortunate to have people in your life who care about you.......

I guess I feel like I don't belong anymore because I was his second wife. My children, grandchildren are "step" children. We are not blood. The family is very large and at get togethers, I don't have a real conversation with anyone, it's just "hi, how are you" with numerous people (although I've tried). Don't get me wrong, they are very nice people and there has never been a cross word even thought. My girls and I were "disinvited" to my inlaws Florida home because too many other family members wanted to visit. We were not invited to my step grandsons birthday party (this is the first time that has happed, he is 7) and because my step children are so busy, we didn't celebrate Christmas until February. I know they care about us and they are gracious people but I think as their family increases and my step childrens lives get busier, I am more a pain they have to deal with because no one wants to actually say anything.

Also, my in laws and I have never had a personal, deep conversation about anything. Even when their son committed suicide it wasn't ever discussed. I couldn't imagine talking to them about anything personal. Family get togethers are large (anywhere from 50-100 people). We never see any of them on a personal visit, just get togethers. I also feel guilty around them, like I am betraying their son because I have moved on.

Your last post on this subject changes everything. Sounds like the two families are starting down different paths.......and I guess that's pretty much the way it is for most. If you're comfortable traveling your own path, then do it. Follow the path that leads to your future.

And you have nothing to feel guilty about! I know that's much easier said than done and something all of us who have entered into new relationships have had to come to terms with........such feelings of guilt do ease with time.