HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
Last December, I met a man in my town on christiansingles.com. In my town, there were only about 10 men's profiles on this site.We "met" online and scurried about, writing every day and sometimes twice a day. We had EVERYTHING in common - age, faith, height, both widowed, graduated same town/school same year, etc. We both had several pictures of ourselves posted on our profiles. We talked about how neat it was that we found each other and were having so much fun online. This went on about 4 weeks. Then we met for breakfast at a restaurant. A couple days later he wrote that he thought we didn't have enough in common to further pursue a relationship. I was blindsided. I had no idea what caused him to feel this way. It was a 180 degree turn from before we actually saw each other.
My pictures were posted (several) on my site. They were current, a few months old. I questioned myself,"Did I eat too fast? Did I put too much in my mouth at a time? Did I have bad breath? Did my blemishes (on my face) turn him off?" I was devastated at how I co uld be pulled in and shown so much attention, only to have the door slammed in my face after our FIRST meeting. I subsequently questioned myself. I'm too fat, too many wrinkles, one blemish on my face (small), too dumb, or what??? I was so disheartened, as I felt like a little high school girl being rejected all over again.
Since this was my first "try" at a friendship (and I told him I just wanted a fun friendship for now), I am totally discouraged at trying again. It took me 9 yrs to find my soulmate, Joe (my second husband). Is it really that hard to find an honest, Christian, independent man? I am so discouraged. It has been almost 4 months since I got the shaft. I'm afraid to try again. In fact, I pulled my profile off the dating site and closed my account (although I was paid for 6 mos).
I NEVER knew how much pain would happen to me at age 66. Any suggestions?
My pictures were posted (several) on my site. They were current, a few months old. I questioned myself,"Did I eat too fast? Did I put too much in my mouth at a time? Did I have bad breath? Did my blemishes (on my face) turn him off?" I was devastated at how I co uld be pulled in and shown so much attention, only to have the door slammed in my face after our FIRST meeting. I subsequently questioned myself. I'm too fat, too many wrinkles, one blemish on my face (small), too dumb, or what??? I was so disheartened, as I felt like a little high school girl being rejected all over again.
Since this was my first "try" at a friendship (and I told him I just wanted a fun friendship for now), I am totally discouraged at trying again. It took me 9 yrs to find my soulmate, Joe (my second husband). Is it really that hard to find an honest, Christian, independent man? I am so discouraged. It has been almost 4 months since I got the shaft. I'm afraid to try again. In fact, I pulled my profile off the dating site and closed my account (although I was paid for 6 mos).
I NEVER knew how much pain would happen to me at age 66. Any suggestions?
First off YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AT ALL.
that's first and foremost. I can't pretend to know what happened on your meeting so I won't. But I can tell you that dating has it's challanges. I am not actively dating now, but after my divorce I did also join a website dating. I had over 200 'responses" to my profile in 5 days!!!! I am near a big city. 195 of those responses?!?!? I wouldnt have met if you paid me! lol and did talk to a few gentelmen but never met them. Then I met Greg and the rest was history. Maybe it was him who was hesitant because HE was not ready to have any kind of relationship let alone a friendship?
Sometimes my dear friend it's really NOT YOU. It's THEM!!!
Please don't be discouraged even though I know it seems like it's all you can be sometimes. Joe LOVED you and worshioped the ground you walked on my friend. That makes YOU special. And MORE THAN WORTHY of the same kind of respect and love albeit in a very different way. do NOT sell yourself short my friend. YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTH IT!
HUGS and when you are ready, try it again and see what you may find!
Diane
Paula
PS someone read this back to me when I need it - ok?????
But DON"T give up! Love is what truly makes the world go round...I was going to give up and decided not to...took me a while on seniorpeople meet...saw too many guys that looked like my grandfather and I just wasn't interested! Then I found a a wonderful man last week and we have talked, met, hugged, talked more, emailed....right now I'm very happy....just don't give up! We are all God's children and I'm sure you deserve better....hugs, Jill
Ann Marie
Big hugs,
Robin
I, too, have been put off further dating and I am sure as hell not going to put my heart on the line for any man in the near future again.
About two weeks ago I discovered that he had started communicating with another chick on facebook - maybe that was the reason, but he always told me that if he ever decided to stop communicating with me, that he would write and tell me why. Well, he obviously did not have the balls to do what he said he would.
I am very sorry that this happened to you - it truly is a horrible experience.
Hugs, Gail
"Is it really that hard to find an honest, Christian, independent man?"
Well, I can kind of answer that - They are out there and YOU can find one. I know because I did. I never expected to and still find it hard to believe that it all just happened for me. But honestly, if I would have been allowing my head to lead, I would have done the same thing to him that that man did to you. I immediately saw some of our big differences, we didn't have much in common at all, and honestly there are things about him that I do not like. But it was like I went on autopilot and something much higher guided my actions. Although I told myself I would not go out with him, I did. Although I told myself, I could not like him, I did. And though I told myself I could not possibly love him, I did. If I had responded the way I first wanted to and told him that I thought we didn't have enough in common and I did not want to pursue a relationship, I would have missed out on something wonderful. I still struggle because I find myself looking for reasons why this will not work, when it is clearly working and working beautifully. I still find myself afraid of the pain that might happen and have almost let that fear destroy what we have together. We have a good life and I know this, but there is still that part of me that says, "No can't be happening, can't possibly work, we are too different."
Anyway, the point of that ramble is - don't feel like it is you. It was him and his unwillingness to try. I know what a loss it would have been for me if I had told James that first day, "Sorry, we just don't have enough in common..." That man you met may never know what a loss it is too him and he may never find anyone because he is unwilling to take a chance, unwilling to risk the hurt. I know it is so hard to risk that pain...but I also know when God sends the right person, both of you will risk it.
Please don't get discouraged or down on yourself!! You have been through so much, and look how strong you are ! I pray you will remain confident and know what a treasure you are in God's eyes !!
Sending you hugs.... Linda