HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

373 Members
1,289 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Support Group

A Thought Only

Cjjalone
Cjjalone
Something I thought of on the way to work this morning I decided to share here. I have been on my own for just about a year and a half. So many people tell me that I am doing a great job taking care of everything- the house, the business, the property, the family. And that Jerry would be so very pleased with me.

But, we were extremely close. What he always wanted was whatever made me happy. I know he is in Heaven, but do not claim to know if he can watch me or see how I am doing. But it came to me that he would not be happy with how I am taking care of me. I am so often sad, lost and lonely inside, stressed, and actively grieving. I thought this morning how hard it would be for him to see me like I am and how much he would want me to be doing better.

So I decided I need to give myself permission to be happy again. I do not begin to know how or what that looks like. But I want to be at peace again and smiling on the inside.

Those thoughts were on the way to work- where I am now. So back at it for me. Just wanted to share.
Cindy
Meboysmom
Meboysmom
I remember when "this day" came for me. It took me awhile to accept it but it is true. They loved us so much. I remember thinking "Yes I know Bill wants me to go on and live a happy life, but how do I do that?" It has happened, I find my joy is different but it is still there. Now that I have re-married there are still days when the loneliness sweeps over me but I remind myself that Bill told me and even wrote notes telling me to find someone who cares as much as he did, so I know I have done what he wanted and I am thankful for how much he loved me and thankful I can share that unconditional love he gave me through the years to bless someone else. This is such a scary journey but you will make it.
deauxgirl
deauxgirl
My husband was so insecure, I don't know if he would have ever told me, that he wanted me to find someone to love again. I had to make that decision on my own. I really envy people, that it was discussed and actually know what their husband wanted for them. I know my husband wouldn't have wanted me unhappy, but in love with someone else, not too sure.

Cindy, it's great that you are ready to be happy again. It's always going to be up and down. I always told my husband that it was a choice to be happy. He was always so negative, and I always tried to get him to see the sunny side of the street. Find what makes you smile or laugh, then go and do it. Have fun. It's hard in the beginning, but you'll figure it out.

Paula
mel40
mel40
It's amazing how we change over time and the process we go through. Many of my thoughts and beliefs have change over the last year. I'm ready to be happy. Just me. Nobody else. I'm dating somebody but have no desire to "hook up" or make it life long. I'm enjoying my freedom and learning what makes me, me!
I didn't give myself permission. It just happened.
I've noticed that all too often we don't give ourselves credit. I bet you have done an amazing job. I hear it too. It gets easier.
Good luck! Be happy!
On another note. One of my friends lost her husband last night to cancer. I'm strong enough now to help guid her and be with her. It makes me glad that I'm on this side.
lrs55
lrs55
I am like you, Deauxgirl, and envy those who were able to have those discussions with their spouse. Even though my husband lived for 19 months after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, we never had THE discussion. I agree very much with Cindy, that those who are gone would not want to see our lives destroyed by their absence. We can choose to seek and find joy and happiness, and that is my choice as well.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
My belief that my husband is still part of my life just not in the physical realm helps me to have a sense of peace now after 7 years of grief and experience. I've made some mistakes along the way, but as the song goes, I did it my way. I was pretty opinionated the first years and learned my options weren't worth much in the course of time. I now think it was just the place I was in at the time.

We enter this grief journey totally unprepared and the paths are twisted. Doing the best you can is all we can. Taking those deep breathes and baby steps are important. We aren't being judged by our spouse. They are our biggest cheerleaders. Sharon
mel40
mel40
I didn't have the discussion with my husband either. Sharon, I like your comment about them being our cheerleaders. Mike was. I know he would believe in me that I would find my way on my own. Sometimes, I think he is still here with me in spirit. It's not the same as the physical world but his spirit gives me strength. I never needed his permission, just his support. This is, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done. (Continuing to live.) .