HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
I had a date, with someone I met on POF. We have been talking for over 2 weeks. He's been in town for 6 months, plans on staying and is very nice. He's been a widower for 3 years. How do you deal with someone that is so much more educated than you are. He's a retired Federal officer, working now for Homeland Security on the communication towers around the area. He's an engineer with a masters. I never went to college, got married right out of high school.
I'm seeing him again tomorrow. One thing did come up, that we have in common. Both our spouses were pessimists. I told him, I wanted to go slow and we need to do alot more talking. We spent about an hour and a half together, this afternoon. He did most of the talking. I'm very impressed, but feel like my history is so boring compared to his. It's going to take getting used to, and I will bring up the education issuse at some time. I want to be completely honest with people.
It's so confusing. I want to see different people, and I'm talking to another guy I met for coffee on Sunday, and told him I am trying to get used to this idea of seeing different people and I just want to be friends and hang out. He was fine with that. I didn't even bring it up to this guy today. Maybe because there was more chemistry with this guy. I'll have to bite the bullet and tell him. I also want to make sure we have some common interests. He belongs to a HOG group and rides on the weekend. I'm glad he enjoys it, but it's not for me.
Well anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Paula
I'm seeing him again tomorrow. One thing did come up, that we have in common. Both our spouses were pessimists. I told him, I wanted to go slow and we need to do alot more talking. We spent about an hour and a half together, this afternoon. He did most of the talking. I'm very impressed, but feel like my history is so boring compared to his. It's going to take getting used to, and I will bring up the education issuse at some time. I want to be completely honest with people.
It's so confusing. I want to see different people, and I'm talking to another guy I met for coffee on Sunday, and told him I am trying to get used to this idea of seeing different people and I just want to be friends and hang out. He was fine with that. I didn't even bring it up to this guy today. Maybe because there was more chemistry with this guy. I'll have to bite the bullet and tell him. I also want to make sure we have some common interests. He belongs to a HOG group and rides on the weekend. I'm glad he enjoys it, but it's not for me.
Well anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Paula
Now that we are in midlife and dating again.... we find ourselves dating people whose pasts are completely different from ours. They have interests that are totally different from ours and that can be a challenge to adjust to. But look at it as a opportunity to expand your horizons and try new things! It really isn't important what peoples interests are, its their character and personality that matter.
As for education.... it's overrated in a relationship! My late husband was an attorney who graduated at the top of his class and had a brillant mind. He was a great guy, but emotionally distant. The man I'm seeing now, never made it past high school and drives a truck for a living.... but he's smart and incredibly thoughtful and fun to be with.
Don't be intimidated by anybody's education. Education doesn't make anybody any smarter or easier to live with.
Diana and I met in engineering school. We, also, grew up together, built a ranch, raised a family, planned for retirement.
My new love, Sue, is an entertainer. She has traveled all over the world, spent 4 years a a singer on cruise lines, never settled down and planned to work till the the end!
She is enjoying haveing some stability in her life and I am enjoying the sponteneity of hers. There are parts of our lives that will remain solo but I think there is a really comfortable place in the middle that we will settle in to.
Best of luck!
-Pete-
Don't sell yourself short! There are all different kinds of education and intelligence. Sounds like your new friend has lots of "formal" education, but I'll bet you have lots of life experience! You don't have to learn things in classrooms. People read on their own and make all sorts of other amazing discoveries. Anyone worth their weight in salt will want to know about your life in addition to sharing their own. If you sat down and made a list of all the things you've learned throughout the years I'll bet you'd be amazed.
Glad to hear that you're making new friends and that you are setting your own pace!
Hugs,
Amy
I can understand your apprehension about the education thing but as time goes by you're going to realize that that's not going to be that important with some people.
For example, the guy I went out with a couple of weeks ago that I had a really nice time with in New Orleans...that subject did come up in the course of the conversation. He was talking about his job that he held for many years as an IT and about his sons who are in college, one studying for his Masters, the other one has already graduated and holding a really good job. I mentioned to him that I don't have that in my life, no college, no formal training. But while we were talking I did mention to him how I've learned how to build a computer from scratch, how I can build and maintain a website and how well it does and how high it ranks, how I can tile a floor, use power tools, build a cabinet, take care of my acre of land and my home alone with no help from anyone and most important of all (to me anyway) is how I've been working with my youngest son emotionally to get through the last 3 1/2 years since his dad died to get him through the transition of being an awkward, lost teenager to a young man who's finally beginning to believe in himself. He's going on 21 now and I see remarkable progress with him. This is what this guy told me..."I think you are an ingenious person and I'm very impressed at all you've accomplished on your own."
So it's not about a formal education or a degree or anything like that. We, as women, have been through our own kind of "life college" and sometimes that's more impressive than a piece of paper called a diploma. Just relax and try not to worry about that. It's really not that important. But I do understand where you're coming from.
Judi
Hugs, Gail
~Loran