There is nothing like feeling love but sometimes that love has to be taken away for us to realize how much it means to us. Last night, I broke up with my boyfriend. He had texted me saying that he is afraid my daughter isn't ready for me to have a real adult relationship so he thinks I should just casually date. I told him fine and good luck with his search. I went to bed and bawled my eyes out. Asking myself what exactly I was crying about. Honestly, I want him in my life. I enjoy him. I feel close to him. I want him. We haven't been intimate and I thought maybe he was looking for an out because he didn't want to wait anymore.
I waited a while and checked my texts. He texted me back "that wasn't the answer I hoped for. I am crying. Guys don't cry. I don't know what to do."
It was the first time I realized that my late husband has nothing to do with what I feel for this man. And it's mutual. Man, I love him! I don't know when it happened or how but my heart knows it. I think it was the first time I talked to him on the phone. That's when my heart was drawn to him. And I was interested and comfortable with him.
I'm not the type that believes in "instant love" so I've still got some figuring out to do. But, I know the sadness I felt when I thought he was going to be out of my life. This is another one of those life dances, where you move and sway and listen to the music.
I think I'm ready to free fall, just let go and enjoy.