OMG! Yes! I am the same way! The guy I'm dating has picked up on it, brought it to my attention and become very insecure as a result of it. We talked at great length about it last night. I've decided that I should probably return to my counselor to address this issue. It's an issue if I am hurting others with it. I also think I am probably doing it with family and friends, as well.
I don't know what caused it. I don't know why I won't make myself vulnerable but it's definitely there, a wall around my heart. I am afraid of losing someone again, honestly. I'm afraid of losing more than I already have. There is still a hole in my soul, so to speak, because of my late husbands absence in mine and my family's lives.
Good luck to you! You are not alone!

I guess if being able to love again fully is needy,then we need to be! It sounds like you have found a most perfect man which is very rare. I know in my new marriage there are times when I panic to think I could lose him just like I did Bill, but then I realize every day is a gift and should be enjoyed fully-if we have one day filled with joy we are better off. Sounds like you need to relax and give yourself permission to love another person. Our hearts are wonderful, there is room for more than one without diminishing the first love. Best of luck to you.

I have those feelings too. I try to be independent, and kind of like, that I can do what I want, when I want. I wonder if the guy I'm dating feels like he isn't needed. I know I want to be wanted and belong to someone again, but not the way it was with my husband. I was his world, and he didn't want me to have any kind of life outside of him. That's not healthy. I do believe we all need some alone time, even if you are married again. We have to have faith in ourselves to move on. Your guy seems perfect for you, but only you will know for sure. Couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea either. Good Luck,
Paula

Thanks to y'all for the great advice. I think sometimes I just need to know it is ok. I am so very happy when I am with him so why fight it! You are awesome!

I think after experiencing a loss as we have, its only natural to be guarded and concerned about more loss. I havent even started a real relationship so I havent had to cross this bridge yet. Just the fact you were able to let someone else into your life shows a lot of strength and faith in the future. Give it time.
Russ

I am remarried and my husband has been hospitalized in January and again in June of this year. In January, he was very critical. In June it was a setback. This has forced me to look at what you described square in the eye.
Was I scared, sure was. But the decision I had to make was do I want to have whatever time we have or quit and lose him anyway.
Question for you to think about: "If you knew that your husband/wife would die on that day, would you call off the wedding and end it?

That is the question I had to face, and my answer is no. I would have married Don and spent 40 glorious years (maybe a few days not so glorious!) with him all over again. I will spend every day Artie and I have the same for however long it is.

Just so you understand, I still get scared when I think about losing Art, but I refuse to ruin or waste today over
it. Sharon

Oh so true! I had feelings that my husband was going to die several months before he did. God truly preparing me. He died in bed next to me after being declared well by insurance co. When those feelings would come I knew I had 2 choices. Enjoy the moment or sit in dread of what might happen. I chose to enjoy the moment and so glad I did!!!! None of us are promised the next breath so we should enjoy those precious moments we are blessed with when they happen! Not saying it won't hurt horrible again but I wouldn't trade my 31 1/2years for anything! Enjoy this moment!

It's a fact of life that every committed, life long relationship will end eventually with the death of one or the other...... we've al lived through this once and carry the scars to prove it.

I'm remarried now, and Jerry was diagnosed with bladder cancer in November.....he's ok, but the whole experience was an eye opener for me.

I've discovered that I've held a part of myself back in this relationship to protect myself from loss...... I guess I'll never be able to give 100% of myself to anyone else again.

For now, I live everyday to the fullest and love as much as I can. That's pretty much all any of us can do.

My husband passed away one year ago in July. At about 6 months, I wanted to see what the Our Time website was all about. It scared the crap out of me, so I quickly got out. I wasnt sure if I ever wanted to start looking, but I also knew I wanted a companion, someone to share my life with. The thought of losing another was scary, but you just have to take that kind of risk in life. I met a wonderful man on this site, shortly after he lost his dear wife. We have been so much help to each other. This closeness brings both of us such happiness and we do know that we are not replacing each others' spouses. Patricia

Thank you for your kind words and you certainly do understand. I am seeing someone very special and while he does not know the loss of a spouse he is a social worker so he has seen it all. He is always there to listen when I do need to talk about anything. I am taking it slow and trying to stay in the moment. I think I would like a future with him but it is a bit early to tell. He was sick this past week and that really woke me up and made me realize how much I do care about Steve. I am so happy you have a positive story to tell. It gives us all hope! Hugs- Joni