I've been divorced twice. You think you love someone, marry and then find out that you really don't love them enough to stay forever with them. First marriage I was young and wanted to be married. He was a cheater...so ended. Then I remarried to a totally different type of man, thinking that was what I needed..Nope..
Finially after a few years met Ray and he was what I needed and we had a great marriege. Divorce is just realilzing you made a big mistake and divorce fixes it..

I married someone who is divorced. It can be difficult in that he moves on easier than I do and I have to interact with his ex wife every family gathering. I was married only once so sometimes I don't understand why they divorced and then I worry about if he cares for her still (he doesn't). He doesn't have to live my past life but I get to live his everyday because of his children and grandkids. It is getting easier as I become more secure. When kids are involved no matter how age, divorced or widowed things are a little more difficult! I always recommend counseling if you have any fears or doubts. Bonnie

Hmm, I having been dating a widower for the past two years and at first it scared me. The unknown, how much would either of us recover from losing someone we loved deeply, how would we merge two lives, would he compare me to her and find me lacking. I think the fear of the unknown is really hard for us as we have literally had the floor drop out from underneath us and then struggled for stability. In the end what I said to myself was, "you are incredibly strong, the worst has already happened and you have coped. If you don't take the risk you will never know. Do you live in fear of dance on the edge of the volcano." And I jumped in. (Now here is the caveat. I had strong feelings for this man, we clicked. I knew that he was very honest and incredibly gentle, and if we bungled and hurt each other, it wouldn't be intentional or callous.) Follow what you heart is telling you to do. It might not work out, I don't know. But it will never work out, if you don't take the risk.

Hugs,
Val

Val, can you just sit on my shoulder all day? This guy is incredibly honest. He says he stayed for 24 because of the kids and 2 years ago decided it was too much. One grown, one 15. Started preparing his youngest for the inevitable. He is a gentleman and very gentle but also very fun. He is SO funny! (He says that's how he's dealt with hardships.) and incredibly supportive. So far, he enjoys talking about my late husband and doesn't have any signs of discomfort or jealousy.
Ya, I wonder if he thinks about going back but he was the one who left. I wonder if he compares me but I don't think he does. I wonder if I'm a bounce back.
Oh Lord, the mind is busy with a shiny new object! A man!

Lol. Mel believe me I get it. I was so confused starting out dating again and I no-one to talk to about it. My single friends were going "You're so lucky! Good men just fall in your lap." (Total whiplash, how can losing your 41 year old husband be considered lucky.) My widowed friends were "I can't believe you are leaving us and becoming part of a couple again! He will leave you for a younger woman when he realizes what a catch he is." (Yes, widows can be insensitive too.)And my married friends said "No, you will forever be with your husband in our minds." It was hard and no-one seemed to understand how confused, scared, hopeful and happy I was, all a the same time. In the end everything and everyone calmed down, but....
Here as a sounding board and a shoulder!
Hugs,
Val

Oh girls, as I'm reading this I really envy you. I ventured out into the dating pool and truly felt like I was swimming with sharks. The last chap I dated seemed kind and gentle, self aware and compassionate. But he turned on me at one point because he couldn't deal with what he felt for me and that I didn't fit the mould of what he thought HE deserved for a partner... Tells me he's falling in love with me, then breaks it off four days later. I'm taking a break now to regroup and build up my self esteem.
So if you're with a man who is kind, and honest, doesn't seem jealous of your late husband, and treats you well, hang on. The rest of the details will work out.
A widow I work with started dating a divorcee - after some time they moved in together. His adult daughter raised such a stink they broke up...but later, he grew a spine, told the daughter to back off and get her own life, stop messing with his happiness. They are back together, and very happy.
I'm hoping some day that I'll meet someone special too...
All the best to you Mel... :)

Jac: Here is the thing. I didn't really venture out in the dating pool. My boyfriend and I were friends for a year before we started dating. And we dithered about dating and then took the plunge. Really, what happened is I started dating my best friend. Give it time and see who you meet out there in the wide world. It may surprise you.

Hugs,

Valerie

I'm learning that communication helps. He is very open and I am like a closed book. This is a skill I learned while grieving ( some people can't handle the depth of that grief so I learned to hide it) I'm opening up little by little and trusting. Him. It's tough. The more I trust, the more I want things to work out between us because now, he knows things about me. Personal things. My fears. My hopes.
He shared with me that he is afraid of my 15 year old daughter. He doesn't know how to act around her because she lost her Dad. Well, theyve yet to meet. Maybe he's jumping the gun a little.
So, my secret formula to combatting the fear is communicating with him. He has fears too and we actually help each other. Time will tell. Back to time and waiting...