HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
I was afraid of taking care of him while he had cancer. I did it. I was afraid of him dying. I held his hand as he took his last breath. I was afraid of living without him. It's been almost 2 years... I'm doing it. I was afraid of going back to work 2 weeks after he died. I survived it and went back every single day there after. I was afraid of going back to school. I'm in!!!! Here goes! I think I can do this!!! It was the plan four years ago. I wasn't good at fighting cancer. I lost. But my record otherwise, has been pretty good. I have a masters degree. I've raised 2 of my 3 kids. Working on the last one.
Tonight, I called a man from Match. His name is Mike. My late husbands name was Mike. (Well, I called him Mike, everybody else called him Michael.) I was afraid of the name Mike. I was afraid of feeling guilty again for meeting a man and being single. I was afraid. We talked for about 30 minutes. It was a good talk. He's a good guy. I laughed. I connected. We have a lot in common. He's finalizing his divorce tomorrow and told me that "he's trying to find himself and doesn't know who he is." Empty nesters is here too. Boy, can I relate! I felt really comfortable talking to him. Really comfortable. We are meeting Sunday.
I'm sure I will experience more fear in the future. Today, my heart is light! I am back in school. I'm going to give it my best. Win or fail. And now I know that the name Mike is not scary. There are good guys out there. And I can tell the difference.
I do believe that I am back.
Hi! I'm Melanie
Tonight, I called a man from Match. His name is Mike. My late husbands name was Mike. (Well, I called him Mike, everybody else called him Michael.) I was afraid of the name Mike. I was afraid of feeling guilty again for meeting a man and being single. I was afraid. We talked for about 30 minutes. It was a good talk. He's a good guy. I laughed. I connected. We have a lot in common. He's finalizing his divorce tomorrow and told me that "he's trying to find himself and doesn't know who he is." Empty nesters is here too. Boy, can I relate! I felt really comfortable talking to him. Really comfortable. We are meeting Sunday.
I'm sure I will experience more fear in the future. Today, my heart is light! I am back in school. I'm going to give it my best. Win or fail. And now I know that the name Mike is not scary. There are good guys out there. And I can tell the difference.
I do believe that I am back.
Hi! I'm Melanie
Thank You so much for your story. how old were your children when your husband passed away ? My husband died just about 3 months ago now. Suddenly. didn't even get to say good bye. I cry just about every day even though I have faith in God - I still question, why did this have to happen. I lost my precious soul mate at 48 and we have 5 kids. 4 of which are still at home. There wasn't enough money left to pay off our home. Lots of anxiety # 1 - I feel so alone even though I have my children, # 2 what to do about my house, - the kids don't want to move right now, # 3 I literally wake up each morning trembling with fear and anxiety. It's almost as if I'm paralyzed and scared to move forward. I have never in my life felt these feelings before and keep wondering, will they ever go away? will my family and I ever be normal ? I worry more about my children, They are 25, 22,21, 17, 15. I feel as if we are now a broken family. we all loved my husband Jim more than anything. how are your kids doing since your husband passed away ? I'm doing everything to keep my children involved in church and grief support groups. you say your possibly going to date again ? I've already wondered about that. I definitely don't want to live the rest of my life alone but then I think if I were to re-marry would I be dishonoring my husband that I loved so very much. I have a uncle that is a preacher and he lost his wife to breast cancer and about a year or year 1/2 he met a lady during revival that lost her husband as well. They are now married. But my uncle tells me that I will be re-united with my first husband in heaven because he was my first true love. me and my crazy thinking, I just don't want to do anything that would separate me and my husband once we all go to heaven. what is your perspective on this ? Thank You for writing to me. Being able to talk to others helps. Thank You. Carla
It's funny how very personally acquainted we become with fear when we go through this It's almost like a shadow that follows us around. I have to forge ahead so that the shadow doesn't overtake and overpower me. It's just something that we learn to live with I guess.
As to having another relationship and/or/remarrying. I have come to the conclusion that it is not like this life after we die I feel that I will be both my husbands in heaven". It will just be different. But still lovely. One of the last coherent things my husband said before he died was "I suppose she shouldn't be alone." I don't think our husbands would want us to suffer. And if that meant another relationship would help, I believe they would be in favor. You are an inspiration to me, Good luck!
Dianne
My kids are good. It took time. I tried to keep them involved in church, etc but they had to grieve their own way. It was painful watching them go through it. But they are better people for it. And now, they are fine.
My thoughts on remarriage: the bible says there is no marriage in heaven. It also says that young widows should remarry. And any widow under the age of 60 is considered a young widow. I wouldn't have remarried early just because I would have been broken and not myself. I did date a couple of dudes though, mostly because of loneliness.
It definitely gets better and it definitely takes time. You can't climb a mountain in one step.
Thank yall for the responses! Maybe I'll remarry one day. I'm not against it. It just hasn't happened. I don't plan on going to heaven to be with any man, I plan on spending eternity with God.