Maybe I just have low self esteem......

I hope it is normal to have these type of questions...because I have them! First I am a bit older than you, I was 55 in January, but I don't know if I want another relationship. I am working on getting back out socializing with girlfriends and making new friends.
The men in the group may want to stop reading now: As far as your being attractive. That is an issue we deal with as women. We look in the mirror and see cellulite, wrinkles, gray hair and what gravity has taken its toll on. Men...they can have a beer belly be bald and still feel sexy! I have often said that I want that kind of self confidence just one day of my life!

Your self doubts and questions are not unusual after the loss of a life partner. Those who love us, and know us for a long time have a special lenses seeing us, time captured in a capsular with them.
Now we are dealing with people who have different degree of knowing us as well as degree of affection, or lack of thereof.
Still remember, you are who you are after the loss, and frankly, probably more, because life experiences make us. Loving him developed your ability to love, while loosing him changed you profoundly as a human. Typically people who lost loved ones are more kind, sympathetic, understand life on a deeper level. They undergo their world views, become wiser in their relationships. It all depends how you convert your tragedy into triumph over pain, distructive thoughts, and other weaknesses.
I won't paint a rose glasses picture, you are more vulnerable, and less naive as a result of this change. So rebuilding your self esteem and confidence should happen first before you entertain the idea of entering world of dating. Otherwise, using it as an escape from yourself or a tool to get approval and validation might end in disaster.
Social butterfly is a good thing, means you are friendly, active, use it as an outlet, stimulating your conversation and interaction muscles, develop new connections as a friend. We need friends, but by all means take your time to complete your journey of grieving first before your subjecting your heart and your mind to new challenges which dating brings.
I think you are very atteactive young woman with a great potential for a bright future. Be smart, be patient, trust in divine timing.
Warm hug

Just so you know I think your a beautiful young woman and I know that you will have suoters knocking at your door. You are a speacial person and when the time is right I believe you will find love again

Mel40. I think we do have these questions. The dating world has changed so much since we last dated. As far as people finding you attractive...its for certainl they will. perhpas it will be the reverse more often. Life as a wife then caregiver and still mom and now widow allows you to question most everything, because most things you were sure of are wiped away. Faith keeps us going. 21 months into the journey...I do not have much doubt about taking care of things, although i do not like doing it alone! money has not always been easy for me. I see things do have a way of becoming less anxiety filled at times. Routine sure helps, for me a focus on a routine, exercise, things I like to do alone and then of course i am not yet with my next mister best friend that i am aware of but have found that getting out there dating became easier as i became adjusted more to my life say 18 months later...many books later, grief therapy sessions later..............talk with myself, allowing myself to love myself...its a constant challenge but i sort of believe dating even if we had not been widowed in our 40's and beyond would be a challege......you are beautiful and companionship will find you...it may look differently than you expect

*i mean to say you may wonder will you find someone attractive* and find it more difficult to find someone that meets your standards

I went through the same questions, but in my case they weren't questions. They were beliefs about myself. I truly believed at sixty when Don died I would not find a romantic love. I proceeded to eat my way through grief. For me, I think a lack of dating experience contributed to my thoughts and felt fear of handing the dating scene. I also didn't have any desire, at 60, to find a new special someone. What I did want was happiness in my own independence.

For three years I did move from loss to discovery mode repeatedly. I became active again, confidence in myself grew, and I began to fill the alone times with things "I" enjoyed. I learned to live in the moment, which I couldn't even define back when Don died. My relationship now, didn't fill my needs, I did. It came after five years of my life being mine and enhanced it. Sharon

My questions dealt with how to go on without him. We were a good team and we balanced the other. I went from my parent' s home to marriage. After he died, I questioned whether I would be able to go on without him, pay the bills, keep the house up etc. It has been six long years-I have paid the bills, almost completely had the house re-modeled, found a good handyman, kept my job, and created a different life. You will always have questions, but you can always find an answer-only you can decide if it is the right answer for you. Dating and remarriage is the right answer for a lot of people. Staying single is the right answer for others-neither one of these is right or wrong. To me being content in whatever you choose makes it the right answer.

Raye

I have started dating again. However for me it hasn't gone the way I had hoped. I've tried the online dating sites. I have gone out with at least 40 different people in the last 5 months. And we laugh and talk. We never get serious. I haven't even had the first one try and kiss me good night. I'll get a hug every now and then.But they all say to me, I had a wonderful or best,etc. time that I have had in a long time, I'll call you and we'll go out again. I haven't had but one even call me back. I was getting a bad complex about myself, thinking I must not be attractive or my personality must be bad,and the list goes on and on. Then I got to talking with my doctor, (pulmonary) about me getting some help with a psychatrist. And he said that it wasn't me,it was them. That a lot of men are scared of getting hurt,getting used for there money,etc. He said as we get older, most have been hurt,used, lied to. And some have lost there wife to death like us. I am a lot older than you, i'm 58 . Anyway, I don't think you will have the same problems,because you are younger and will probably have a better outlook on everything. For now I am just going to hang out with the girls and when the time is right for me to date again, I'll know it . I am also involved with the widow/widower group on FB,and quite a few of them have remarried,engaged, or in a serious relationship. And they are truly happy. So there is hope out there yet for all of us. I guess it will happen when we least expect it. Wishing you the very best. Sending hugs your way.

I have been in a relationship for over a year. We never were in love, but had fun together. I told him last night I was going to date others, because I felt like an obligation to him. He has too much going on in his life with AA and I always thought it would get better. He has volunteered for so many things, that I was feeling neglected. We agreed to see each other, but I kind of, let him off the hook. I've been reading books on living in the moment, trying to figure out what makes "me" happy. I'm going to be more active in Meet Up groups and have a Pot Luck dinner Thursday to go to. I put a profile on Plenty of Fish, but if I don't find anyone to see, it's not too big a deal. I started going to church again and actually ate lunch out by myself. It wasn't too bad. When I started dating, the best time I had, was when I was seeing 3 guys at once. It was just for dating, nothing serious, so it was fun. I decided to date the one guy after a few months. I did have quite a few first dates, with no word after, so Deanna, I know what you mean. I'm looking to make new friends and if anything becomes of it, that's great. I'll be fine, either way.

Paula

I think we all have questions and doubts. The world has changed a lot during the time we were married. My husband and I were married for over 20 years and we lived together for 2 and 1/2 years before that. I don't even want to think about dating. I'm not sure if I even want to date anyone else. I'm just trying to be me and get through one day at a time. If anyone choses to date good for you. If anyone doesn't want to date that sounds good too. I've been joking around and said that before I even think about going on a date with a guy I want to see a health record, tax return, and financial statements. My coworkers have asked if the guy is going on a date or are they applying for a loan?