I went through that experience when I was trying to decide to get married. I even counseled with my Pastor because I was feeling so strong that I was disrespecting Bill. Now that I have married, I recently found a note that my Bill had written telling someone how long I was to wait before finding someone, the type of person I should marry, how long to keep the prenuptial going (he was an attorney). So I know he wanted me to move on and that took a lot of the pressure off. Now as to getting re-married... I was a servant wife and I did not feel fulfilled without having someone to serve and I have been able to bless my new husband daily as he had never experienced that kind of love before. There are days I wish I had stayed single so I could be free to come and g, o because to get remarried is a big commitment and possible change (big change for me) that you need to be able to accept. I am so thankful for my new husband but I long for the days when our family was complete, filled with fun and laughter. So if you are hesitant, take the time you need to settle your heart. You are not in any way disrespecting your husband. Look at it with the eyes that, the love you and your husband shared is so special you want to share that with someone else- that is honoring to him not hurtful. Would you want your husband to be alone if the tables were turned- I wouldn't have. So let that thought go and make your decision on what YOU want or need. I wish you the best. Bonnie

Thanks Bonnie. Ironically, my husbands name was Bill as is the new man in my life. My husband was 12 years older than I was and was very jealous. I think that's a big reason for my hesitation. My kids keep telling me he's in a different place now where there is no jealousy and he'd want me to be happy. How long did your husband tell you to wait? When I met my husband he was a young widower (his wife died when she was 27 from a brain hemorrage) and we married within a year. I understand what you mean about family being complete. I was probably more ready to get remarried 2 years ago than I am now. I finally feel content in my new life and although it's not what I would have chosen at this point in my life, it's what I was dealt and have learned to live with it.

Judy, How long are you with this man? Are you afraid of history repeating itself once you commit? It sounds like you need more time together, before making it permanent. There's nothing wrong with that. You are free from control by anyone and you don't have to relinquish that married or not. I have always been a server, by choice. I understand the implications of that. My husband never controlled me, I chose to be a wife first. Then co-parenting our children and then a nurse. I didn't know this til my husband died and I began working on becoming me. It led me to become a community leader here to continue growing.

Set the date when you feel the time has come. Also remember finances also change with being married. Things like social security and pensions if you're in that arena. Sharon