Hello all, I'm a male and 27yrs of age. It was around July when all of this happened. I was talking to a girl I had met online, I was looking to get back into dating and I was giving online dating a chance. I came upon a girl and thought she was fairly attractive, As I started talking to her I realized that I wasn't as into her as I thought. And out of no where absolutely no where a voice inside me say "I'm gay", or was the most scary thing that had happened to me. I tried to shove it aside as a stupid thought. I eventually met this girl I had been talking to, we made out  I got hard but we didn't have sex. Next time I saw her, we had sex and all I could think about was the thought that had come into my head I wasn't able to finish and that was all I could think about. Up to this Point I have been dating women and only had girlfriends. I've never had a doubt about my attraction for women. I've had erections perfectly fine and have never had a problem being with women. Fast forward, I went on with August perfectly fine, not really paying attention to the thought. Until in September I kept thinking about it, and with this thought, came all my stress. I couldn't think about anything besides that thought "I'm gay", the images that came to mind was me being with a man, it scared me and almost made me feel nauseous, no disrespect to anyone that is gay. I wanted to get those images out of my head, I tried to test myself w h remembering times I've had sex with pat girlfriends or hookups I had. I tried to picture myself having sex with guys which would freak me out even more, I was so stressed and trying to figure out why I was feeling like this. Looking at porn wouldn't help me and it would make me feel even more sad that this is what I had to do. All I could think about was my thought, not wanting it there and why I was thinking about it, if I knew deep down that being with a woman and having a life with a wife and kids was all I wanted. I began to think that I had to watch gay porn to determine if I was gay or not. I began to feel anxious I began to get stress that even that wasn't getting me hard, so what the hell was going on with me!! I reached the very bottom, I couldn't think anymore I couldn't eat anymore. I was unhappy, I felt like I didn't want to live anymore. I thought why is this happening to me, I've had sex fine with no problem had always had a crushes on girls. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I started to cry one day thinking that this was it, I would have to come out as gay. I knew deep down that this wasn't what I wanted. Till today I'm having this problem, I saw a thing about HOCD and everything that I read was right on with what I was feeling. Ever since I read that which was about a week ago, I've been doing a bit better, reading and doing research. There's days where I do great and I feel like myself and then there are days where I feel like crap where I lose appetite and don't want to eat and feel depressed. There's days where I want to drop everything and just forget that my life is gone to crap becaus is this thought. There's days where I think just come out already it will stop your suffering, soon as I think that I start to panick and get all depressed and that's all I think about. Deep down in my heart I know that I am not gay. But all this is stronger than me and I can't beat it, it's beating me, I'm loosing this battle with my mind. I'm depressed I've dropped weight because of it. When I have days where I feel like my normal self, I'm happy I think how I'm going to get better, and when I feel at my lowest I tell myself to come out. all the thoughts about me having sex with men and dating men only come to mind and I get disturbed by the images, then I can't stop thinking about how i almost coknvinced my self to come out already and then I over think that and then I get depressed again. And I tend to check again and again, looking at guys and thinking they're attractive, I feel like my Brain forced me to say that they're good looking or hot. I want to feel like my normal self again how I did 4 months ago, I'm not happy, I put a face out for people to see, I want to tell someone what I feel, I don't want to hide this, but I feel like people won't understand what is going on with my mind. Deep down in my heart I know who I am. I am a straight man, who wishes only to find a woman to be with for the rest of my life, but my mind is beating me and thinking otherwise, please anyone, give me tips, I've tried to read articles on how to manage anxiety and unwanted thoughts, but this always gets the best of me. When I think these things I'm not happy, I don't feel like myself I feel like someone I don't even know anymore.