Sometimes I think I am doing a lot better but other times i am convinced I am gay and all this is just something I ahve made up in my head because I am in denial but I DON'T WANT TO BE GAY. It's like i have this invisible man that sits on my shaulder whispering stupid things into my ears and i just get so sick of it i feel like banging my head on the floor until blood pores out of my ears and all the while screaming get out get out but then I might be sent to a mental hospital and their is nothing mental about me. I hope. I still worry all the time and I can't even enjoy my friends any more and the time we have together. I end up venting my frustration to you in e-mails and I get sick of not being able to talk to anyone about this because nobody understands. I get soooo scared that women turn me on or something and even as I am writing it i am thinking 'maybe i am' or 'maybe i should just accept' but i can't accept becuase i don't like the idea of being gay. or do i? I feel like if i get a proper diagnosis it will be alright but it wont. I don't enjoy boys and my feelings for them either. This is taking over my whole life and i can't stop it. Please tell me you think this is OCD!!!
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