Hi guys,I'm a 20 year old heterosexual male(at least I hope to the good lord I am), I've been suffering with hocd for 3 years,it wasn't so bad in the beginning because I went to the therapist(it was still there though I just never bothered about it) that week.now its hit me hard and let me explain to you'll how it happened,it started 2 1/2 weeks ago I was browsing a porn site and I came across something,my curiosty got the better of me and I downloaded it,when I watched it,I got shocked to my core it was a porno with two brothers my anxiety acted up and my mind said to me"you liked it and you know it". I was horrified, because I thought I was attracted to it.I've never been attracted to guys sexually or emotionally,my first crush and kiss was when I was 6 years old ,and in the 7th grade I started masturbating to some of the girls in my class,My first love was in the 9th grade with the girl that use to sit with me in my N.S class,we got to know each,we started to care for each other as friends,and I started fall for her deeply to the I use to always look at her in class,and when she makes eye contact with me I used turn my head the other way.when she smiled and greeted me I used to blush and get butterflies in my stomach .and I've also had multiple crushes after.now that Hocd is acting up it making me that none of that was real and it tell me that I'm gay.when never even had a gay fantasy before I had hocd.it was always girls ,girls,girls.now I've lost my attraction to women...I'm so scared , my mind is showing of my male friends and family,I've been so depressed sometimes I even cry in shower,sometimes I get suicidal thoughts.....its also making me want to believe that I actually want to do these thought when I know I would never do that ! Its making ma stare the males around me even at their bodies,their butts,their groin etc,but on the rare occassion when I don't think about my hodc my attraction to woman comes (but wasn't as big as it was before),it also making me want to believe that I want to watch gay porn and look at gay porn pics but I don't want to! I stopped watching porn completely after that ! I was never attracted to a mans penis ! never! I've also had confidence issues from the time I was small and I used to be bullied a lot,and I was never a weak kid, I would broken many people if it wasn't for my anxiety,I use to just let them have their way with me..........can someonehelp me :(