Hi, my name is Dezza and I am 13 and live in the UK. Looking back on my short life so far it has been crippled with obsessive thourghts and behaviours. A few years back and still today I developed a fear of vomiting. I don't know where this stemmed from but now I will do anything to avoid being sick. In my mind I form strange and irrational conclusions such as if I wear the same pyjamas that I did on the night of my illness I will be ill again. If I say the same things or eat the same things for dinner or go on the same sites at the same times- I become fretful. I also get very anxious on the night of the Monday I go back to school after the summer half term. This is the last time I was sick. I get scared history will repeat itself and it escalated to every Monday of the new term and then just every Monday. I think to make myself better I will have to do all them things I did of the night a year ago and not get sick but I can't do it. There is too much stigma involved. This particular obsession ruled my life. I couldn't eat meat and I wouldn't go anywhere in a car or boat for fear of travel sickness. A few years later it was brain tumours. I decided after the seperation of my parents and the death of my brothers I was exceptionally unlucky and it would be just my luck to get cancer. I began to check my body every night until I found a lump on the back of my head. I made my Mum take me to the doctors. I feel like I am cursed which I know is very silly but I can't help myself thinking that. I get scared of fires a lot as well and so check nothing is plugged in in my room. I also fear I may be mad or that I may harm other people. When my Dad left I couldn't sleep proberly. Recently I have had a new obsession. HOCD. This is constantly questioning myself about my sexuality. It's like a question that can't be answered and I feel severely confused. Everywhere I go there are things to remind me. I test myself for reactions and am devastated if I find one. I worry about giving of gay vibes. It started after a rumour started at school. I thourght 'what if i am gay?'. Sometimes I am sure it is hocd and even now as I write doubts fill me. I nearly came out to my mum as bi. It's the first thing I think about in the morning. What if I had a gay dream? What if I am gay? what if....What do you think? P