Hoarding Community Group
A group for hoarders and/or family members of hoarders to discuss this illness and learn ways to help overcome.
Much to my surprise - in 2016 even - I searched DS for a hoarding support group and... there isn't one. This member group is it - so far - and the last post was nearly a year ago.
Does this not surprise anyone besides me? We have (exploitative) TeeVee shows about hoarding even. But this has never risen to the level of need for or interest in a support group on DS?
My story? A friend I have known for over 20 years slowly turned into a compulsive shopper and hoarder. I have tried to live with her for the last two yeas but I am at my wit's end. It's so bad being homeless - for me - would be less stressful than living with her. Not kidding.
There is a concept in hoarding called "open view" - everything has to be out in the open and nothing can be put away. Every table, every kitchen counter - EVERYTHING - is covered with crap. She has even turned the sofa into a desk of sorts - it's covered with paper and mail and catalogs of all sorts. She does have a full-size 4 drawer file cabinet - it's largely empty. Yet no one has been able to sit on that sofa since 2013 because it's buried in paper.
I'm ready to move out - and walk away from her in the process - because she can't see the difference between what's more important: Relationships with people or saving three dozen empty cottage cheese containers. Now multiply "cottage cheese containers" times an entire house choking in stuff like that and you will understand my point. The stairs going up are lined with stacks of books on the edge of every stair. The stairs going to the basement are lined with cans and jars of food that can't fit anywhere else. It's not only exasperating and stressful it's becoming unsafe.
No one - besides me - has even been inside this house in two years.
Does this not surprise anyone besides me? We have (exploitative) TeeVee shows about hoarding even. But this has never risen to the level of need for or interest in a support group on DS?
My story? A friend I have known for over 20 years slowly turned into a compulsive shopper and hoarder. I have tried to live with her for the last two yeas but I am at my wit's end. It's so bad being homeless - for me - would be less stressful than living with her. Not kidding.
There is a concept in hoarding called "open view" - everything has to be out in the open and nothing can be put away. Every table, every kitchen counter - EVERYTHING - is covered with crap. She has even turned the sofa into a desk of sorts - it's covered with paper and mail and catalogs of all sorts. She does have a full-size 4 drawer file cabinet - it's largely empty. Yet no one has been able to sit on that sofa since 2013 because it's buried in paper.
I'm ready to move out - and walk away from her in the process - because she can't see the difference between what's more important: Relationships with people or saving three dozen empty cottage cheese containers. Now multiply "cottage cheese containers" times an entire house choking in stuff like that and you will understand my point. The stairs going up are lined with stacks of books on the edge of every stair. The stairs going to the basement are lined with cans and jars of food that can't fit anywhere else. It's not only exasperating and stressful it's becoming unsafe.
No one - besides me - has even been inside this house in two years.
For me, it is my parents that have a hoarding problem and I haven't lived with them for more than 20 years. (but it started showing when I was a kid). I really wish there were more folks on here that respond to this issue, and your critique is spot on - 5 years later! I wonder if the active groups, in particular the anxiety one, really house a lot of folks attention and energy and allow some of the hoarders (assuming some of them have co-life/mental challenges because we know that is the case for hoarders), and that hoarding is just such a hard thing to address that people don't feel drawn here for support. By it's very nature hoarding is a "hiding" illness, and you DON'T ever talk about (or let people in your house). HOarders feel embarassed, and they often live in denial (of their feelings, of their personal criticisms, of the state of their existence) so why would they talk about it here?
It is very interesting isn't it?
Also, there are so few organizations or programs that help people who hoard. They are very sensitive and reactive people! You can't just take it all away and have them say "ah, shucks, someone finally cleaned everything up for me, thank you, and I'll never hoard things again." Quite the opposite effect would happen actually. So, why are there more programs to help people who hoard? It is a hard problem to figure out and it is slow and time consuming, but that can't be all. I think it is because of the very nature of our society, where we value and define ourselves by the things we buy/consume so deeply (I am a clean successful comfortable person as evidenced by my leather sofa with decorative pillows). Ok, that example sounds like I am minimizing it, but really, we all struggle with self definition and modern society ties so much of self definition to the things we have instead of the connections we have to each other as personal relationships and relationsihps to our communities. So, being defined by the things we have makes it even harder to reach the mind of a hoarder because they are caught in it, and for us to know how to deal with them. ....ok, so much more there, but postulating and theorizing on a webpage in a short message still doesn't directly help us address the problems we face with people we care about.
Since this post was 5 years ago, you are probably moved out by now. I wonder if your friend ever found or got help? I had my folks in line for a unique, well rounded program that couples therapy with a "home coach" and recognizes the need to move slowly, but as soon as they hit the top of the wait list then the second wave of covid hit hard and they chose to still wait. It's hard. And I hope you found some peace for yourself, and didn't just end up homeless.