Hoarding Community Group
A group for hoarders and/or family members of hoarders to discuss this illness and learn ways to help overcome.
On this fathers day one year ago is when my marriage fell apart. I was engaged to the mother of my children whom I still love very much. Life was good for us for many years, but the pressure of her multiple disorders compounding was too much. She is a compulsive spender, an obsessive hoarder, a serial cheater, and could possibly suffering some form of pathological lying disorder. Somehow despite all of these things she still remains the best mother that I could have ever wished for in my wildest dreams. My children are so lucky to have her.
This is an S.O.S. from a hoarding victim. I'm sending this into the internet in search of help. I believe that I have been the victim of a new and horrible disorder that is affecting more people than we may be aware of. When searching for information on how to understand this disorder it became painfully clear to me that the research is far behind this growing problem in our world. They also haven't realized that this problem is contagious!! The loved ones and children of the affected person all become victims of this disorder. There is simply no system in place for how to deal with this disorder in my area. The children are being exposed to such a high level of consumerism that they become complacent. They confuse their understanding of what is a healthy way to live. Health and sanitation problems are the only symptoms that warrant repercussions and those are usually the last symptoms to show themselves. By then the contagious area surrounding the affected individual and their loved ones are dealing with longer lasting more difficult to treat symptoms. Depression and stress levels could be manifesting harmfully adverse physical effects. There are massive financial repercussions in nearly 100% of all cases. The shear time and energy it takes to manage a hoard has robbed years from the lives of the affected area.
Please help me!!!!!! If I spend the time and energy to just “Move” the hoard to her new place. It doesn't fix the problem. I do not believe that the mother of my children is a criminal, but even if I did there is no legal ground for me to stand on. The definition of a hoarding problem is very vaguely written based on incomplete research. My only legal right is to move the hoard off my property to a new location. I want the hoard DESTROYED!! I do not want this disease to affect myself or my children any longer. I want the woman that I love and the mother of my children to get help and find happiness.
Please share this and suggest anything that might help. I live in Alberta Canada. I have ZERO money left. I cannot afford legal fees or moving assistance. I'm fighting off bankruptcy. I've reached out to the mental health community, but the problem requires more than my own therapy.
During the 6 years that I have lived with the affected loved one, I agreed to become a hoarder myself. I thought it was possible to still become a happy family within the hoard. I was wrong and now I don't know what to do.
This is an S.O.S. from a hoarding victim. I'm sending this into the internet in search of help. I believe that I have been the victim of a new and horrible disorder that is affecting more people than we may be aware of. When searching for information on how to understand this disorder it became painfully clear to me that the research is far behind this growing problem in our world. They also haven't realized that this problem is contagious!! The loved ones and children of the affected person all become victims of this disorder. There is simply no system in place for how to deal with this disorder in my area. The children are being exposed to such a high level of consumerism that they become complacent. They confuse their understanding of what is a healthy way to live. Health and sanitation problems are the only symptoms that warrant repercussions and those are usually the last symptoms to show themselves. By then the contagious area surrounding the affected individual and their loved ones are dealing with longer lasting more difficult to treat symptoms. Depression and stress levels could be manifesting harmfully adverse physical effects. There are massive financial repercussions in nearly 100% of all cases. The shear time and energy it takes to manage a hoard has robbed years from the lives of the affected area.
Please help me!!!!!! If I spend the time and energy to just “Move” the hoard to her new place. It doesn't fix the problem. I do not believe that the mother of my children is a criminal, but even if I did there is no legal ground for me to stand on. The definition of a hoarding problem is very vaguely written based on incomplete research. My only legal right is to move the hoard off my property to a new location. I want the hoard DESTROYED!! I do not want this disease to affect myself or my children any longer. I want the woman that I love and the mother of my children to get help and find happiness.
Please share this and suggest anything that might help. I live in Alberta Canada. I have ZERO money left. I cannot afford legal fees or moving assistance. I'm fighting off bankruptcy. I've reached out to the mental health community, but the problem requires more than my own therapy.
During the 6 years that I have lived with the affected loved one, I agreed to become a hoarder myself. I thought it was possible to still become a happy family within the hoard. I was wrong and now I don't know what to do.
I don't know too much about canada, but you may see if the health or social services have any programs to help with this.
As a last resort : (one I considered myself) there's always the chance of those intervention type tv shows. but it will not take care of the associated mental health issues.
Hoarding is caused by a mental health disorder, it is categorized as an obsessive or compulsive disorder and takes extensive treatment. just "removing the stuff" doesn't fix the underlying issues and actually can cause a psychotic break in the hoarder.
However, keeping them a part of it, keeping them interactive in their medical and mental care, and keeping the house cleaned or clutter free does help.
From my experience? It is an addiction... plain and simple, but not an addiction you can just "quit cold turkey" without devastating effects. The number one thing is to find out WHY...
What is the symbolism of the "Stuff" Surrounding your family.. what does it represent to the hoarder, and to you.. what can help to fill that hole instead?
Here is the bottom line. I am co-dependent and an enabler in this situation. For having let it slide and not picking up things on the lower levels of saving. And for pulling over to garage sales, buying things not on the list at the food store, IMPULSE buys which is the most important clue.
I have known others with the problem. Have cleaned up after them to help get a foot hold into a better mind set. These were all band aide ideas. Because the message suggests neatness = OK and Clutter and dirt= unhealthy. That is not always true for either and we know on paper but still fall into the misconception.
My feeling is this about changing something. Cognitive Behavioral help is available for low and no income in US. It can help manage other symptoms that can could be keeping someone from dealing with much bigger issues. So even if it seems too general to treat depression or anxiety, a person begins to practice thinking differently...With the help of someone skilled. And hopefully a healthy way of thinking. It may allow people who hoard , drink, drugs, etc..access. manage that which disables them. Well, it has been my experience at this point for my personal problems and others.
That said, I am still baffled at how my partner slipped into this pattern. I get part of it. I was gone at work a lot.
Living with my Mom is stressful. So add up the stress and things pop a gasket.
I hope revealing my thoughts can spark something for Hoodmin and others who may have similar experiences.
May you find some relief to your situation soon,
Peace