Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I am upset and frustrated.
My husband and I went over to my mom's to have dinner.
She cooked shrimp and pasta for dinner.
She wanted me to get the dirt out of the shrimp by using a knife while holding the shrimp in my hand.
I let her know that I did not feel comfortable holding a knife in my hand while doing that.
That is how I felt.
She insisted that. Her tone a voice was like this...
This will be done. You will do it. I do not care how you feel.
I tried twice to do what she wanted. It did not work.
She told me that I do not get to make the decisions in her place. She also told me that she has been up since 7 a.m. doing errands.
At that point, I did not want to be there.
I was calm while telling her. But she kept on insisting.
Dinner did not happen.
Why must things like this happen?
Why must others interpret our actions like this?
Why must others interpret our feelings like this?
My husband and I went over to my mom's to have dinner.
She cooked shrimp and pasta for dinner.
She wanted me to get the dirt out of the shrimp by using a knife while holding the shrimp in my hand.
I let her know that I did not feel comfortable holding a knife in my hand while doing that.
That is how I felt.
She insisted that. Her tone a voice was like this...
This will be done. You will do it. I do not care how you feel.
I tried twice to do what she wanted. It did not work.
She told me that I do not get to make the decisions in her place. She also told me that she has been up since 7 a.m. doing errands.
At that point, I did not want to be there.
I was calm while telling her. But she kept on insisting.
Dinner did not happen.
Why must things like this happen?
Why must others interpret our actions like this?
Why must others interpret our feelings like this?
I am tired of dealing with your moody antics
You take this situation and stand your ground. I am not comfortable cleaning the shrimp...With her tone you leave.
You do not have to put up with that type of thing EVER! From anyone.
I have always been made to feel small....esp with my family. I was forced to walk away from my family over 10 years ago...as hard as it was....I had to for my sanity and health.
You are not moody and you do not antics...you are a human that in this case did not fell like cutting your hand cleaning shrimp with a knife...not a big deal. BTW I HATE cleaning shrimp and peeling potatoes.
I would not do dinner with her for quite some time...and then ONLY at your place.
Thank you for your reply.
Turns out that my mom is pissed that I did not help her more than I did, which was to provide the pasta and to peel the shrimp. She called me to ask if I had any other pasta other than angel hair pasta, which she had.
I remember her saying the following while all 3 of us were in our kitchen regarding this situation...
I do not care about that.
Have a happy Thanks giving and hang in there!
I do not want you to even think about making this your problem. This is how you were raised....to be made 'small' your opinions, your feelings, your etc was not ever validated.
Do not just think because your mother was in a 'bad' mood makes this any better...it does not.
I was raised this way and being a HSP makes it even worst.
I am dealing with the ramifications of this trying to raise my 4 year old....and it is causing tons of issues.
Good luck. Try to take some time to process this situation and know that you did nothing wrong.
Yet she insisted that I hold a sharp knife in my hand to get the dirt out of the cooked shrimp.
Did she even listen to me? I do not know.
I let her know this several times.
Then there were her comments...
I do not care about that and you do not get to make the rules.
She is hosting Thanksgiving dinner. She let us know today that she does not want us over at her place.
She likes to cook, but it has already become difficult for her to do this due for physical reasons.
Regarding holiday meals...
She cannot afford to buy the main dish... be it turkey, ham and so on. She can only afford to make a side dish.
So she relies on others to provide everything else. The people she invites to these holiday gatherings are on a very limited income as well. Some are on government assistance.
She is also dependent on these people being available during the holidays to make the food and to attend the gathering. This is for any holiday that she celebrates.
My husband and I went out with a friend of his to have Thanksgiving dinner. All 3 of us discussed my mom's situation. We all came to the conclusion that it would be best to take mom out to dinner from now on.
This limits the stress.
The one thing I think you need to work on is Honoring the way you feel!
Ppl of German descent (like me :) often have some authoritarianism in their nature; (needing to know who is charge, and of course if possible-it is going to be them.)
My father was 1/2 German, and had a bit of that in him. On the other hand he would not be called controlling. In your original post l may have seen that hinted; dunno. . . . . / These traits of your mother's go way back. They are perhaps more pronounced now than when she was younger. Your youth would have been affected by this occasional overbearingness.
If your father is gone, that also'd be a reason why mom's limtations were not so noticable years ago
my 2%. . . . --Caleb . . . . . . . . tho Nov 27th might be cause for new reflections -- about relationships -- I hope it'll be no cause of real rift. . (((( S )))) . :)