yes hon, i get like that, i can go out in the yard when i'm upset and the fresh air makes me feel better, but out in public is a crap shoot... my husband sees that i'm feeling anxious or something and he says 'i'll take you out for coffee and you'll feel better' and i want to go i guess, but i more want to want to go

then we go sit at starbucks, and if there is rude loud people, or peeps yelling on their cell phones, or scraping the metal chairs across the cement all the time, or all the smoke is blowing toward me, YES i end up angry, downright angry... i think it's just a defense mechanism, even tho 'technically' there may be not tooooo much to defend ourselves against, i mean if we murdered someone, we would get convicted of 1st degree haha

but our bodies sure feel the need to defend ourselves... and i find it's just best to get me home as quickly as possible, and make some chamomile tea and sit in silence for a while with some comforting aromatherapy...

zoeflower: I really like your avatar! Is it from a painting. I think for me I have to prepare myself mentally in order to go out in public. If I'm in a sad mood or any type of mood I will feel defensive and angry. There's a Twilight Zone episode where this man wishes that all of the people were gone. I get like that sometimes where I just need some peace and quiet. I know it's best not to stay inside, but I have to be ready to go out. I'm not too bad for short trips. On Fridays, I spend a lot of time at the mall and go to see a movie. I think it takes me a long time to mentally prepare. Reading really helps calm me down. It used to be music but not as much anymore.

i don't remember where i got that avatar from... and yes it's good to be mentally prepared... but if i start to get angry, i find ways to express it around safe people, like my husband, he has learned to take my 'rants' in stride, and i will become humorously 'snide'... which is kind mean but funny, so as not to really hurt anyone...

i have learned that to not express these sorts of feelings causes me body pain... like the other night, when i was talking about people talking about their pain to me, i was venting, because i was in pain, i lost a friend over it, even though nobody else knew who i was talking about... still, i don't mean become violent, just to let the bad feelings OUT of your body in the safest way possible

Many times that anger slowly goes away on its own and I become numb. I feel sometimes that the anger I feel is not directed toward others but toward frustrations in my daily life. It's good that you can do that with your husband. :) I used to write journals which helped but I stopped. Sometimes poems help me too but I haven't written any in a while because I'm such a perfectionist. I wonder if my anger really went away or if I just repressed it?

I get angry. I feel I have repressed anger too.

I write journals here and vent sometimes.

I blew up at someone the other day. It is not something I do very often.
The person was wrong. Lol. I feel my anger was justified however I could have been more in control. I kind of went off. It was like a ton of other things got released, like you said Darkness, frustrations of things in my life and this guy triggered me and he got the brunt of it.
I told my husband what happened and he knows who I was talking about and my husband said
Yeah but that guy is an idiot!
Lol
Thanks Hun for being on my side.

Exercising, working out is good to release some energy if you can do it. I'm Not able to move like i use to but i try but i use to run any and that was something I would have done before. I can go on the bike and that can help.

I do feel I can communicate well enough with my husband
That whole
"When you do this...I feel this....."
"I feel hurt when you..."

But I'm not so good with other people. I just can't be like that with my family. I just stay quiet. They are crap at communicating and do not understand me one bit.

Darkness, I hope in time you and your guy can be more open and just trust each other and be honest and express feelings without getting hurt. It does take courage and trust too.
And the right words too.

I used to go to the gym but we can't afford a membership any longer. I could go for a walk somewhere. I find getting out in nature can help. I can talk to my boyfriend about mostly anything. We trust each other. I think sometimes it's because we're in the heat of the moment unable to describe how we're feeling. I find it's better to calm down then talk. Yes, I've heard of the "when you do this.... I feel this..." and "I feel hurt when you...". It's all how you phrase things.

I have a hard time with other people too. I know that I seem really outgoing online but in real life I'm really shy. My mother died two years ago, I have never met my father and I don't really talk with the rest of my family. I should try writing journals on here sometime or even just poems.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. That's sad. And not meeting your father.

Yes write. Poems, journals. It can be helpful. Just whatever you feel. You don't even have to share it with other people if you don't feel like it.
You can keep it private just for you.
I do that sometimes. I sometimes write and then delete it.

But if I do share it I know I may receive responses. And that's ok.

If you choose to write in your journal on DS. Check your account settings. if you don't just want anyone to read your profile and writing.

With DS journals there are options to choose from at the bottom of the page.
For all DS members to read.
Or DS friends only
Or keep it locked only for you

However I still don't trust the system fully and will not write about too personal private stuff that I wouldn't want anyone knowing.
I will keep it off DS.

I will definitely keep that in mind if I write something in my journal that I don't wish to share with anyone. I'm feeling much better than yesterday.

Watching a movie last night helped. I go to a movie every Friday and can't wait for tomorrow's movie! I go to the early afternoon matinee when there is less people. I always buy the kids pack, get a kitkat bar, some popcorn seasoning and I upsize to a coke zero. It's the only time I have popcorn all week! There's just something about movie theater popcorn! I know it's not healthy but I figure I have the kids size. I usually also get a smoothie. I walk around the mall and then read at the bookstore.