Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I have read a number of Carl G. Jung's texts, most of them in original language, but I never really heard of highly sensitive people, since his works were not dedicated alone to this subject. I didn't know how Elaine Aron furthered his work.
At any rate when I read about the typical characteristics of an HSP, I thought "Hey! That's me!" My two phobias at the top of my list are: ochlophobia (enochlophobia) and ligyrophobia (the fears of crowds and loud noises).
I came to DS because I was looking for objective information about how to salvage a relationship with my husband who has problems with alcohol. That sent me by default to the codepency group.
Remarkably a large number of the characteristics which classify a person as co-dependent are also the many of the same characteristic traits which mark higly sensitive people.
The interesting discovery I made is that in this group these traits are considered remarkable and unique, whereas in the co-dependent group the same traits are treated as character flaws which need "fixing" through a twelve step program fighting this undesireable "addiction", althought it appears that these characteristics are the basic make-up of a highly sensitve person. In some cases it goes so far as to accuse the higher sensitivity of HSP's being inherently "abusive", and that HSP's need to work on their recovery from these characteristics.
Needless to say, this causes utter confusion for HSP who stumble into such a group who become frettful about their innate nature, that they might be the ones who have "the abuse problem", and not just the insensitive person they are in a poor-working relationship with.
Were it not for the large number of candidates in that support group who kept on insisting, "Yeah, but... I'm don't really feel like I'm the abusive person in this relationship. I might be co-dependent, but I'm not into 'controlling' people." - I might have never looked further and would have remained doubtful about my very nature forever.
Now I begin to wonder if there aren't many more people who are innately HSP's and are trying to find treatment for an addiction they don't have - HSP can't be an addiction, as I understand it. I wonder how many people in the "Love Addicts" support group are aware they might be looking for understanding about themselves in the wrong place. Any thoughts on this?
At any rate when I read about the typical characteristics of an HSP, I thought "Hey! That's me!" My two phobias at the top of my list are: ochlophobia (enochlophobia) and ligyrophobia (the fears of crowds and loud noises).
I came to DS because I was looking for objective information about how to salvage a relationship with my husband who has problems with alcohol. That sent me by default to the codepency group.
Remarkably a large number of the characteristics which classify a person as co-dependent are also the many of the same characteristic traits which mark higly sensitive people.
The interesting discovery I made is that in this group these traits are considered remarkable and unique, whereas in the co-dependent group the same traits are treated as character flaws which need "fixing" through a twelve step program fighting this undesireable "addiction", althought it appears that these characteristics are the basic make-up of a highly sensitve person. In some cases it goes so far as to accuse the higher sensitivity of HSP's being inherently "abusive", and that HSP's need to work on their recovery from these characteristics.
Needless to say, this causes utter confusion for HSP who stumble into such a group who become frettful about their innate nature, that they might be the ones who have "the abuse problem", and not just the insensitive person they are in a poor-working relationship with.
Were it not for the large number of candidates in that support group who kept on insisting, "Yeah, but... I'm don't really feel like I'm the abusive person in this relationship. I might be co-dependent, but I'm not into 'controlling' people." - I might have never looked further and would have remained doubtful about my very nature forever.
Now I begin to wonder if there aren't many more people who are innately HSP's and are trying to find treatment for an addiction they don't have - HSP can't be an addiction, as I understand it. I wonder how many people in the "Love Addicts" support group are aware they might be looking for understanding about themselves in the wrong place. Any thoughts on this?
When I quit smoking I was a member of an online support group. I discovered I was very good at knowing what to say to help a person through a crisis. As my support evolved, I learned the closer to real-time I got (long-term post replies to quick-response post discussions to IM) the more accurate I was.
After about 9 - 10 months of this I had reached a point where I simply could not muster the will or energy to continue. I wanted badly to help, but was (unaware) deep into a depression. My (now ex) wife noticed it, too, and suggested I perhaps should seek professional help. Every evening I would sit down at the computer, read a post by someone in a crave crisis, and had to turn away even though it tore my heart out to do so.
Then I met a woman who understood what was happening. When I read a post or IM entry, I would experience the emotions the other person experienced as they typed out their words. I didn't just know what they were; the emotions actual manifested within me. She taught me how to continue to feel what I was feeling without it affecting me on such a deep level. That allowed me to continue my counseling without being drained so heavily, plus she taught me how to "recharge" afterwards.
If not for her, I would have probably gone to a shrink and ended up on anti-depressants. Who knows? Maybe I would have been diagnosed with other disorders to be treated chemically, also.
As for HSP becoming co-dependents, it be that by our highly sensitive nature, we by default become co-dependents. I don't see how that registers as an abuser since co-dependents are often the victims in an abusive relationship that may involve drugs and alcohol.
Personally, I found my voice regarding my own limitations and boundaries in therapy. I have severed some relationships this way, but they were not worth holding on to any way and by doing so, it has freed me to gravitate towards those who have positive energy.
So when people I love are unhappy or depressed its hard for me not to become unhappy or depressed also. I am fully aware of this and try to keep it under control. Still I think that for those feelings are natural. On the other hand some people would say I was too influenced by my boyfriend's moods. Still I think its only natural for people I'm close to to influence me. And since I'm an HSP I feel it all deeply. That life. That's always been life for me.
Sometimes I wonder if we are the normal ones & everyone else is not sensitive enough.
If I see on TV or read about an act of cruelty towards a dog or a cat I feel horrible emotioinal pain. I think that is normal.
The other day I saw two deer grazing in a tiny wooded area that was located in a center divider between a major highway. Somehow they managed to get there but I felt extreme fear thinking how they would be able to cross 2 lanes of heavy speeding traffic to get back to safety. The other people in the car didn't even see the deer.
These are just 2 examples of what I see as a normal reaction. I know there are some people who are not bothered by this or may they may not notice.
I see things like this every day & it never gets easier. It is exausting.
This sounds are very nice and very well, until I got to the part about "Make a list of all the people you wronged and apologise to them [for abusing] them" - and then I thought "Am I really a mean nasty evil addict? Or am I just having trouble coping with a seemingly hostile environment?"
And there were lots of other contradictory things - for instance, the very concept that if the root of the addict is dependency on other people, why can this "affliction" only be solved within a group? In other words, how are you supposed to escape an addiction in which you are dependent on other people only by joining a group, and seeking support from a group?
It took forever to decern that I was not dependent on other people's feelings; just more empathetic and more impressionable. I think I began to notice the difference when more people in such a support group complained about the pain of feeling lonely and being alone. Many found the thought of being alone by yourself for more than an hour sheer unbearable, whereas I sometimes need the whole weekend to myself without anyone around. I am not all that much into group activities, and have always preferred individual and not team sports.