I just learned a word that describes a part of the problem, I'm slow at articulating my anger/aggression/resentments or whatever it is. But I admit I've been having some breakthroughs in this, and surprising myself during, and feeling overaroused sometimes as I do so but still I know it's a good thing, it's a practice, sometimes I think if I can reach that level others have set up, I guess I can but yeah, just thinking about it ;)

It sounds so complicated, I think it differs in how extreme the aggression and how intense the conversation is how it comes out. When its yelling, angry, steaming.. then my ability to articulate goes very much down

i freeze too. Then my emotions get all pent up inside and I cry because I can't help it, it just overflows out of me.

Wow I've never met anyone else who is same as me with that, crying because of the feelings being so overflowing. I don't know how or if I can change that and I've been in therapy for years, I've learned CBT, now been learning about mindfulness and self compassion (Kristin Neff) also very much into Brene Brown, she talks a lot about vulnerability, shame and guilt.

I've felt so "alien" like being like that, been called childish. I still haven't gotten rid of the shame for this. It's nice to connect with others that relate, the shame is less when you find that.

hauth ... I can relate to what you say. I wish I could change but as the years go by I think I have to just accept myself the way I am. It does help to know there are others who struggle with the same feelings.

Thank you, I felt warm thinking about accepting it as it is. And you are right, it is truly comforting to know you're not alone experiencing these things, like Kristin Neff says, it's about experiencing the common humanity.

I think I want to keep learning as much as I can to do this, but at a certain point I think I need to just look to acceptance.

Ahh OK English isn't my first language so there are some words I haven't gotten a clear feel for yet. I used the word aggression because that was the word used in a group therapy session on YouTube, but what I really mean is assertive, I think ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yIO1_VQF3c

here's a video where we see an exercise in saying no, very nice video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZynhvBShqU

hauth it has taken me some time to understand what you are describing above. I am not sure I am clear at the moment BUT the title is about having an issue with aggression. This is interesting right here in that when I was in therapy dealing with emotional regulation and CBT all of and more.... What was worked on in terms of emotional regulation was being accepting of emotional processes and experiences. I DID have resistance to various emotional trips and one would be anger and aggression what ever the cause. Mostly because culture doesn't really say it is OK to be FEMALE and ASSERT express anger . aggression. That part of feminine power is in a bind ... denied etc. It is especially so when ones birth rights are stepped on and then when some one protest or objects or shows anger about this matter ... the person is punished. That is how a person is controlled.

What I am getting at is that all that is wrapped up in the physical emotional sensation of aggression is part of a process and my idea is that when it is not OK to have the feelings then it is tell tale sign that their is an original person that meant to control ones energy to the point of telling them what will not be tolerated ... then one grows up not being able to tolerate nor regulate one or more emotions. They have not been allowed nor exampled a healthy way of functioning. NOW This all is NOT about being super sensitive. I am not writing from that point but rather about emotional regulation and acceptance of a full emotional life ... not just the feelings that are either acceptable or even pursued like content.

Pageo, thank you for that answer, I'm going to read it over and think about it, I really like getting that sort of new perspective on things to think about, and with my intuition see how it applies to me etc. I will come back if/when there is a "conclusion" hehe, it's a new idea in my mind. But yes I love that insight you gave me and I'm grateful for that.

When I read what I wrote above I wasn't sure what I meant hahaha,, but yes, aggression, assertiveness, confrontation, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries and so on... i.e. not a doormat ;)

In the meantime I'm going to share this
A man with over 30 years experience in helping other with psychological problems helps us deal with confrontation :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wCWe92f3zs

For me it happens when things change unexpectedly, especially if that leads to me being late for something. I am not good at changes of plan and hate hate hate being late. I would rather be an hour early than ten minutes late. I know it's ridiculous, and people probably don't mind. But I can't help it.

Like, there was one time when I needed a new bookshelf. The guy in the shop said, sorry there are none in today but you can collect one on Saturday morning. Now Saturday was also when we were celebrating my stepdad's birthday. But the shop was only round the corner from my house, and I thought I would have plenty of time to get the shelf and then go out for the birthday lunch. But on the day, I went to the shop expecting to collect what I thought was my shelf, only to find the guy had sold it to a walk-in customer. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I needed the shelf, and wanted to get the collection out of the way before the birthday lunch, but I didn't want to delay the lunch or let anyone down. It came out as frustration and anger, it was awful.

Or another time, at the doctors, they messed up and forgot several patients including me. I had informed my work I would be back at a certain time for a front-desk shift. That would have been fine if the appointment had happened on time. But it didn't. I felt so stressed out at the prospect of letting my colleagues down, worried if they would have enough staff, it all just came out and I was in tears, and couldn't explain why.

And a few years back I was trying to arrange my mortgage and move into our new house. There was a delay as the surveyor had put something incorrectly on the original survey so it needed to be done again. I had originally planned to move in over the summer which would be ideal for my work as it is the quietest time. But this thing held everything back. and instead we had to move in October, the busiest time in the year. I was so stressed over the move, I hate financial decisions, and on top of that I was worried and felt I was letting down my colleagues and unsure if I could have the time I needed off work.

Or the first day of my first paid job. I planned everything, researched bus routes and left more than enough time. But that morning there was road works and the bus crawled along. I knew which bus to get, but was unfamiliar with the area and did not know if there was any alternative route, and I am not that fast a walker either. I ended up very late. But luckily the employer did not mind. And that was the first time I met my boyfriend - late, flustered and stressed out to the max. He didn't seem to mind though lol!