Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I work as a porter for a parking company. I work the first shift. I started working at 2 parking garages that were managed by the first garage manager whom I was assigned to. Then the supervisor over the entire area of parking garages where the porters and managers work decided to make some changes. She moved several of the porters, including me, to different garages. I was then assigned to another garage manager, and I reported to him until the supervisor over the entire area of parking garages hired another manager to replace one that had left. She decided to assign the garage manager I was reporting to at that time to other parking garages in the same area and have me report to the new garage manager. Each garage manager works at an office at one of the garages he/she is assigned to.
When I first started working there, I was told by the manager I reported to at that time that if the porters had anything they wanted their manager to know that we could include that information on the maintenance check list that we have to complete every day at the end of our shift. There are two actual inboxes at the parking garage office that the porters have to clock in at where we turn in our check lists at. Each inbox is assigned to a manager, and that person has to pick up what is in their inbox at least on a weekly basis. My first manager would do that.
Well… my current manager does not do that. He has been my manager for a little over a month.
So his inbox has been full several times with maintenance check lists and other paperwork. Recently I saw a time card from another employee of his in his inbox.
Last month I filled out a day off request, and I put it in his inbox. After noticing that he had not picked up what was in his inbox for a couple of days, I decided to call him. He told me that 1) he does not work at that garage office and so he does not check his inbox and 2) if there is anything important in his inbox to call him. I do not know why he feels that he does not have to check his inbox.
Last Friday there was meeting for all of the first shift porters. All three garage managers were present. The garage manager that I currently report to was in charge of the meeting. He told everyone in the room that if either one of us has anything important for him to look at, that we either have to call him and let him know to check his inbox or physically go to his office. The room was silent after he said that.
When I have had to communicate with him face to face, there have been times when he throws his weight around or is overbearing. His other employees have had the same experience. One of his employees has said that he is “too much”.
As an HSP his behavior drives me up a tree. He wants us to come to his office whenever there is a problem. I would rather keep my distance and either call him or e-mail him instead. How do I deal with his behavior without wanting to “climb the wall”?
When I first started working there, I was told by the manager I reported to at that time that if the porters had anything they wanted their manager to know that we could include that information on the maintenance check list that we have to complete every day at the end of our shift. There are two actual inboxes at the parking garage office that the porters have to clock in at where we turn in our check lists at. Each inbox is assigned to a manager, and that person has to pick up what is in their inbox at least on a weekly basis. My first manager would do that.
Well… my current manager does not do that. He has been my manager for a little over a month.
So his inbox has been full several times with maintenance check lists and other paperwork. Recently I saw a time card from another employee of his in his inbox.
Last month I filled out a day off request, and I put it in his inbox. After noticing that he had not picked up what was in his inbox for a couple of days, I decided to call him. He told me that 1) he does not work at that garage office and so he does not check his inbox and 2) if there is anything important in his inbox to call him. I do not know why he feels that he does not have to check his inbox.
Last Friday there was meeting for all of the first shift porters. All three garage managers were present. The garage manager that I currently report to was in charge of the meeting. He told everyone in the room that if either one of us has anything important for him to look at, that we either have to call him and let him know to check his inbox or physically go to his office. The room was silent after he said that.
When I have had to communicate with him face to face, there have been times when he throws his weight around or is overbearing. His other employees have had the same experience. One of his employees has said that he is “too much”.
As an HSP his behavior drives me up a tree. He wants us to come to his office whenever there is a problem. I would rather keep my distance and either call him or e-mail him instead. How do I deal with his behavior without wanting to “climb the wall”?
Any chance also of you and employees you can talk with, they might have ideas on how they handle this.
At least, I hope you are not feeling all alone, considering it appears the other employees are having problems with this too.
I feel for you, it's hard to go to work every day with this making you feel so stressed.
Have you looked into other jobs? Or could you request a transfer to a different garage, since from what you say it is common for people to move around in that job, between different garages. Unfortunately we cannot choose who we work with, we just have to get along as best we can. So just try not to involve yourself with him too much other than what you have to do, call him as he has instructed if there is anything he needs to know, and try to find a way out of there meanwhile.
At the end of the day you cannot change his behaviour. But what you can change is your reaction to it. So as CWB1 suggests, look into meditation, mindfulness, and other ways of de-stressing. Be kind to yourself and make sure you eat and sleep well.
I would be calling or writing a letter to the supervisors ;including a snap shot of the in boxes in addition to the info on porters new task of having to travel to office for all transactions instead through inbox as before. Get all porters to sign the letter. If you send this email then make sure all porters emails addresses are included with out a singular address on the incoming message.
In other words, make it a whole team effort. Do not act on the defense or express with intense emotionality but rather with the concern + goal to return to a the previous smooth well organized manner of communication . The issue will not solve even if the inbox comes back to order. This guy is lazy. Even if he clears the box it will not be addressed. His practice is to make less work for himself by intimidating you (all of you) and this way you will just shut up & go away. The main point here is to let the high ups know that there is NOT JUST DISCONTENT but actual blockage. Like constipation. Report the block / and not how the block feels. Hope this clarifies how to present information.This protects you from the bully manager making use of FEELINGS to denounce your validity. It is also called THINKING SMART and leaving the task of processing your emotions to YOU (personal).
POINT: new method of communication is not working as well as the previous format . I am making the assumption that the new method is not as fluid. is this correct?
Personally, I act on this kind of stuff and have regrets not acting in my power but allowing others distorted sense of power to remain untouched. So this is me.
Now about your own energy and attention being frayed ... I have dealt with this and I also still deal with it . In particular one manager who is a complete jerk. I will not get into the long story but in the past it has actually cost me money. So, with that kind of provocation or bug up my own butt. this here is how it works. You have to center in YOU not in the other persons actions. I still have to go through the motions the other person designs BUT it does not get to take up any more space in my life then those very moments. None of what a bad mangers does is any where related to my (your) value or potential which gets mixed up when one is feeling resentment for not being heard or cared for or typically ignored. That is the stuff ya got to pass up and get serious about being insightful about the other persons condition which I label stunted.
Do not get your sense of self shackled up with in the realms of a control / power over (lazy) head set. Those kind of persons march to an illusion of entitlement and need to control no matter what. psychotherapy does not change this condition.
In other words
Do not expect this person to change. If something does change do not see it as a prediction to further changes. It is possibly an immediate way of rewarding you like a dog.
Do contact people higher up as a GROUP REPORT.
Welcome & thank you for your helpful advice. I must say that I like your user name.
Learnt a lot in this thread. Thank you and all the repliers.