Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
Here is the second of two stories that might explain where I’m coming from and give you some insight as well.
I can’t cry your tears for you
Many years ago I went to meditation, mostly to handle stress, and I felt it gave me something spiritually. I’d been with this group for over a year and we used a variety of meditation techniques. On this particular evening, a woman came who was extremely distraught. Everything was going wrong for her. Horrible things were happening.
Eventually the group leaders got her quieted down and we tried a meditation technique. My life was actually going along quite well at the time. I just enjoyed this group. During meditation, I began to cry. Tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I couldn’t figure it out. I was sobbing. Eventually I gave up trying to control my tears and said to myself: “Let me cry this woman’s tears for her, so she won’t have to.” The tears just kept coming.
Meditation was over and I cleared my head. I never actually spoke to this woman and never saw her again. I have no way of knowing if the meditation helped her, I suspect not, since she didn’t return. I’ve never been able to make sense of the situation. I still get emotionally involved with other people’s problems, but I’ve tried to control my tears. I was described as “aloof” by a supervisor at work. It hurt to hear that, but perhaps I found it necessary. Anyway, I try not to cry other people’s tears anymore.
I can’t cry your tears for you
Many years ago I went to meditation, mostly to handle stress, and I felt it gave me something spiritually. I’d been with this group for over a year and we used a variety of meditation techniques. On this particular evening, a woman came who was extremely distraught. Everything was going wrong for her. Horrible things were happening.
Eventually the group leaders got her quieted down and we tried a meditation technique. My life was actually going along quite well at the time. I just enjoyed this group. During meditation, I began to cry. Tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I couldn’t figure it out. I was sobbing. Eventually I gave up trying to control my tears and said to myself: “Let me cry this woman’s tears for her, so she won’t have to.” The tears just kept coming.
Meditation was over and I cleared my head. I never actually spoke to this woman and never saw her again. I have no way of knowing if the meditation helped her, I suspect not, since she didn’t return. I’ve never been able to make sense of the situation. I still get emotionally involved with other people’s problems, but I’ve tried to control my tears. I was described as “aloof” by a supervisor at work. It hurt to hear that, but perhaps I found it necessary. Anyway, I try not to cry other people’s tears anymore.
I say, spray some cooking spray on yourself and try to let the comment slide off o' ya! lol. Just kidding, I know that's a hell of a lot easier said than done!!
I cry other people's tears all the time. I try to stop and ask myself if my crying for them is actually going to make one iota of difference for them in what they have to experience. Usually, the answer is no, and I have only added to my own burdens. It doesn't mean I am not a caring person if I stop the thoughts that lead to my crying for them. It just means I am taking care of myself, which is very important for me to do for my own sake as well as the sake of those close to me.
It's nice to hear of someone else who enjoys meditation. I haven't had the opportunity to join a group yet, but what I have been able to do on my own has really helped a lot. I cannot imagine it not being of help to that woman either, unless of course she was just so distraught that she COULDN'T stop thinking stressful thoughts and focus only on the sensations of breathing and just "being." Some people just arent' there yet.
I hope you don't feel bad about your decision not to cry others' tears for them anymore. I think that is a strong stance to take and I respect you for it. Save that energy, if you can, for those who will benefit from your sympathies, such as someone who comes to you personally for support or a listening ear.
:)
Unfortunately, I have also been termed "aloof" at work because I just cannot put myself into "harm's way" by allowing people to either dump on me emotionally or exhibit moody (i.e., mean) behavior to me. (I'm already under way too much stress under the job as it is with a high workload under which I'm continuously scrutinized.) The only person on my job who knows how I "cry tears" for many, many people and situations in this world is my spouse, who also works with me. I'm sure the rest of the people at work think I'm a b!tch, but I just cannot subject myself to their irratic behaviors - plus they trigger migraines as well.