Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
My husband is friends with one of his exes whom he dated twice, once in the 1990’s and once in the 2000’s. From what he told me, she has the emotional maturity of a teenager. She is a teenager living in an adult body. From his own personal experience, she is selfish and she does what she wants to do when she wants to do it and when it suits her. She would act like a diva. She broke up a while ago with a friend of my husband, but this is not the first time this has happened. According to my husband, they have a long history of dating and breaking up. According to him, she has come to him in the past after her breakups wanting a shoulder to cry on. She also has had a difficult time getting over the breakup. She would wallow in her pain I have met her. All of us are in our forties.
Her biological mother has sole guardianship over her. She lives at home with her mother.
The last time she broke up with the friend of my husband, she sent him a text stating that. His response was ‘Why are you texting me? What do you want me to do? I am married. There is not much that I can do. I am a Christian. You keep on dating him and breaking up with him. I would not know how to help you except to pray for you.’ She continued to text him over and over for several weeks when he and I were at home. Her texts included… hi, what are you doing? Good night. Have you spoken to *person*? He would just read the text and then delete it. According to my husband, she would also text him at work… good morning, hi, how are you? And so on.
According to my husband, she has not texted him about her breakup.
Recently she texted about the fact that her niece was admitted to the hospital. Turns out her niece has lymphoma. She has been texting my husband updates regarding her niece. She also asked him to pray for her niece.
He told me that he wants to show his ex-girlfriend what it means to be a Christian and treat her the way that Jesus would treat her.
My husband spoke to the friend of his whom she was dating. He told him that she should not be texting my husband about her relationship breakup or about any relationship advice. Her relationship breakups or relationship problems should be of no concern to him. He let me know this, and that she should go to a female instead. He asked me to text her that.
She is also needy, which is a problem. He and I spoke to the guy whom she was dating about 1) her neediness, 2) her lack of boundaries, 3) her causing drama and so on. His response was this....
As for her lack of boundaries, there was a time when he needed space from her due to her neediness, and so he asked her to stop texting him for a while. She did not stop texting him. She continued texting him for two months before she stopped. Her own mother asked her to stop texting another friend of hers because she had the same problem that my husband's friend had regarding her neediness, & she had asked her mom to tell her daughter to stop texting her so much. She would not listen to her own mother. She continued to text the other friend.
As for her neediness... She has always been like that. She does not want to change. She will not change.
She has a mind of her own. She does what she wants to do when she wants to do it regardless of how anyone else feels.
Her behavior causes drama for others.
Here are some traits of an emotionally immature person…
Emotions:
Cannot handle frustration or criticism; jealous, unwilling to forgive, fluctuating moods. Temper tantrums. Fears change.
Give & Take:
May be willing to give, but not take; or willing to take, but not give.
Feedback:
Does not learn from experience. Good or bad experiences are caused by luck, or fate. Little personal responsibility.
Stress:
Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry, attacks people when frustrated. Often anxious.
Relating:
Dependent, easily influenced, indecisive, or snap judgments. Is not responsible for own actions or deficiencies. Hyper-sensitive to criticism but insensitive to others' feelings.
They are often self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be the best
Taking no responsibility for what happens. If a person consistently plays “victim” about events and is unable to reflect on what he or she did to contribute to the result, it’s a red light.
Talk more than listen. Authentic listening requires one to learn about the views and thoughts of others. As a result of it, people deepen their understanding, compassion and empathy. An immature person does not take the time to do this. As a result, they cannot deepen their emotional awareness.
Quick to anger or blow a fuse. Emotionally immature people react impatiently, throw a tantrum, swear, act out or get belligerent when things don’t go the way they want or expect. They do not mange frustration with the realities of life well, nor manage easily unexpected transitions in processes or routines. Rather than draw on inner tolerance or belief in oneself to manage change, the emotionally immature have a melt-down.
She displays many of the above traits. According to my husband, she does have some good qualities.
She still wants to be friends with my husband. He wants me to be friends with her.
I am on the fence with this. How does an HSP deal with someone like her?
Her biological mother has sole guardianship over her. She lives at home with her mother.
The last time she broke up with the friend of my husband, she sent him a text stating that. His response was ‘Why are you texting me? What do you want me to do? I am married. There is not much that I can do. I am a Christian. You keep on dating him and breaking up with him. I would not know how to help you except to pray for you.’ She continued to text him over and over for several weeks when he and I were at home. Her texts included… hi, what are you doing? Good night. Have you spoken to *person*? He would just read the text and then delete it. According to my husband, she would also text him at work… good morning, hi, how are you? And so on.
According to my husband, she has not texted him about her breakup.
Recently she texted about the fact that her niece was admitted to the hospital. Turns out her niece has lymphoma. She has been texting my husband updates regarding her niece. She also asked him to pray for her niece.
He told me that he wants to show his ex-girlfriend what it means to be a Christian and treat her the way that Jesus would treat her.
My husband spoke to the friend of his whom she was dating. He told him that she should not be texting my husband about her relationship breakup or about any relationship advice. Her relationship breakups or relationship problems should be of no concern to him. He let me know this, and that she should go to a female instead. He asked me to text her that.
She is also needy, which is a problem. He and I spoke to the guy whom she was dating about 1) her neediness, 2) her lack of boundaries, 3) her causing drama and so on. His response was this....
As for her lack of boundaries, there was a time when he needed space from her due to her neediness, and so he asked her to stop texting him for a while. She did not stop texting him. She continued texting him for two months before she stopped. Her own mother asked her to stop texting another friend of hers because she had the same problem that my husband's friend had regarding her neediness, & she had asked her mom to tell her daughter to stop texting her so much. She would not listen to her own mother. She continued to text the other friend.
As for her neediness... She has always been like that. She does not want to change. She will not change.
She has a mind of her own. She does what she wants to do when she wants to do it regardless of how anyone else feels.
Her behavior causes drama for others.
Here are some traits of an emotionally immature person…
Emotions:
Cannot handle frustration or criticism; jealous, unwilling to forgive, fluctuating moods. Temper tantrums. Fears change.
Give & Take:
May be willing to give, but not take; or willing to take, but not give.
Feedback:
Does not learn from experience. Good or bad experiences are caused by luck, or fate. Little personal responsibility.
Stress:
Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry, attacks people when frustrated. Often anxious.
Relating:
Dependent, easily influenced, indecisive, or snap judgments. Is not responsible for own actions or deficiencies. Hyper-sensitive to criticism but insensitive to others' feelings.
They are often self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be the best
Taking no responsibility for what happens. If a person consistently plays “victim” about events and is unable to reflect on what he or she did to contribute to the result, it’s a red light.
Talk more than listen. Authentic listening requires one to learn about the views and thoughts of others. As a result of it, people deepen their understanding, compassion and empathy. An immature person does not take the time to do this. As a result, they cannot deepen their emotional awareness.
Quick to anger or blow a fuse. Emotionally immature people react impatiently, throw a tantrum, swear, act out or get belligerent when things don’t go the way they want or expect. They do not mange frustration with the realities of life well, nor manage easily unexpected transitions in processes or routines. Rather than draw on inner tolerance or belief in oneself to manage change, the emotionally immature have a melt-down.
She displays many of the above traits. According to my husband, she does have some good qualities.
She still wants to be friends with my husband. He wants me to be friends with her.
I am on the fence with this. How does an HSP deal with someone like her?
Choose wisely who you let in your life- emotions are contagious.
The end all deal is that your Husband can be a wise Jesus and point his finger in the direction of a therapist. This immature person needs help and unless your husband has his credentials in clinical psychotherapy ... he will not actually be of much help given this person is dysfunctional.
Along with Lizzie has to say which is change number ... basically just block the number.Boundaries across the board here.
this woman is targeting into other persons need to be vital and necessary.
My husband and his male friend who dated my husband's ex-girlfriend are both encouraging me to be her friend. Both of them know that I am an HSP. Both of them know from me what it is like to be an HSP. Both of them know from me what I need to be able to function as an HSP.
Both of them want me to tolerate her behavior temporarily until she changes. How long temporary is... I do not know. If she changes... I do not know.
I wanted to get some practical information to give to them explaining why it is NOT a good idea for me to be too friendly with her.