Hi...This has happened to me may times. There are signs that something is wrong but subtle and hard to pick up right away even though you are intuitive. I've read a lot of books on how to deal with difficult people, and also signs to look for on abusive people, and its very interesting. This is how I've adjusted to picking people who I can trust. Its good that you picked up on things that you don't want to put up with and ended the relationship...I know its hurtful and it'll take time to heal but don't think about the what-if's...Its better that you move on. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you deserve someone who truly cares for you and don't settle for less. Hugs....

dreamyHope I'm so sorry you have been hurt. That sux. Hugs xx

hi nabby1, it will really be kind of you to recommend me the books or anything you got to deal with this delicate issue. The thing is that she is in my class as well, so i will not be getting rid of her this soon. And then, it's really painful... i tried to keep a kind and good friendship even after knowing what she was up-to. I tried to ignore things, maybe where I have faltered, but such people do not amend their ways of doing things so easily. I am always nice...maybe that's my mistake, they get to step over you with no difficulty at all.
thanks :)

dreamyHope, I also know how you feel. I have had similar experiences. I always like to think the best of people & I am very trusting ... so I feel sad & hurt when I am betrayed.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

yea, exactly..i also think the best of people, i like being with people, good people...i always have been until recently, only one bad person, i do not know if i am being too harsh over here, by referring to that person as bad, and i don't know if I have the right to judge any person like that, but really this is the second time that she hurt me deeply to the point that it makes me cry. The first one was exactly last month and now...she is really bothering me as I have got exams in a week and that's real mental torture.
What happened is that we got to do an assignment and it was very tough. I succeeded somehow in doing it. Earlier, I have helped her to begin with the work. Now, i said to her to extend it further for the presentation not to be the same...i will help if she is getting any kind of troubles but no, she needs the work that I have done. Now, that I am not giving her, she is finding some other things to hurt me. If I give her what I have done, what will I present..it should be different because it's not a group work, an individual work. I can help of course, but now after what she's done, no help can be expected from me.
I will still keep my distance until the course is not over. Only a month away,
God help me stay away from her.
This is so difficult since I cannot focus on anything else apart from her taunts,hypocrisy and harsh behavior.

Challenge your inner demand for uniform, fair, or kind treatment, and recognize that some people will always be obnoxious. Once you lower your expectations, you can reduce obsession to a healthy annoyance. Think of a difficult person as obstacles in the road to swerve around them instead of colliding with. You'll want to change the way you respond to them. Be assertive, not aggressive. Stand up for yourself by sticking to the facts without getting personal and remember to take deep breaths and remind yourself that their behavior is about them. Hugs...Nabby

Don't allow yourself to be charmed. Make it clear to people that although you care for their problems, you're not the kind of person to go too far out of your way out of the goodness of your own heart. Don't allow people to flatter you. I'm not saying to accuse anyone as soon as they tell you how great you look today, but just be aware of their tactics. As far as why people are like that, I think it's just because it happens to work. If you're a good person, if you happen to have a soul, you're easy prey.

Be careful you are not accused of plagiarism - if your work is similar to hers, the teacher may not know who worked hard and who copied, they will be likely to accuse you both and if she is the kind of person you say, she will try to shift blame onto you if she can. So be aware of this and it may even be worth alerting the teacher to it before the work is handed in. Not in a tattling way but just warning them that this girl may hand in work which has been copied from you and is exerting a lot of pressure to force you to let her see your work.

Otherwise, try and avoid her, sit far away in class. If she says anything just ignore it. As nabby says it is her issue. If she is struggling to understand or complete the work she should speak to the teacher, not copy her classmates. How will she do the exam (if there is one)?

I had an experience like that at university. I started talking to a boy who lived on the floor below. He seemed nice and we were on the same course and shared our taste in books. He then asked to borrow my computer. Stupidly I agreed. I know it could have been worse, he could have stolen it. As it turned out he read all my personal documents and diaries on it and made fun of me when he returned the computer.

So sorry you've been hurt deeply. This has happened to me also. Lots of good advice posted above. I look for red flags such as if the person acts too good to be true, she is. Mostly I go by my gut feeling..how do I feel around her? One could look at her friends, does she tell the truth? Does she want to use me? Does she respect my boundaries? There is no reason to keep any kind of friendship with one who treats you shabbily. Discernment is the beginning of wisdom. We don't have the right to judge, but it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves. I am older and it took me a long time to realize my pattern of picking users for friends. I hope you do well and are feeling better.

Hello everyone, thank you so much for your invaluable advice. Yea, it has cleared things very well for me. As you are all very experienced people, it is a great honor and pleasure for me to share my feelings in this forum with the very kind expectation that there is someone to help me out and here there are lots to me out. I am so glad to be part of DS and "meet" you, people.

As you said, avoid her. Yea, true. I was, but yesterday I went to class normally as I go. There she was. She came down the stairs, greeting the others and not me. I was down. I felt really hurt again, I do not know why. Yea, I was going to talk to her about what happened, not to be personal. I tried to explain why I could not give my work to her and that if she showed more interest, I could have helped but not handed the work. I guess because I did not give her what she wanted, she just ignored me.
The problem is not about who ignores who. I am confused why she reacted that way. I do not think that I made a mistake in not giving my work straightaway. If she asked me to explain the assignment, i would have but not the work itself.
Possibly, I will not be able to understand her. She hurts me, talks harshly and now is avoiding me because I did not let her copy. What is this?
Now, the problem is that, we have done a project together, and we need to do a presentation. I wonder how we will work on that together, now that her behavior has changes abruptly.
She badmouths me with my other friends, she back stabs me. I really do not know, how this last phase of the semester will go on.
Well. as for now I have exams, finals..i will focus on that only and tries not to think about that any longer.
But it is really difficult to actually do than to tell. We are human beings, we get affected by these kind of things, it is really difficult to ignore but i know time is a great healer. Hope things go on well for me.
And, most of all I will try to follow some of the advice given to me over here by my great friends :)) thank you a tonne for that :))
Really, it relieves me while reading and find wisdom in dealing with certain things that otherwise I would not have known.

I think that we are so good at giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that we find ourselves in these types of situations.

I have finally been able to stop giving people benefit of the doubt. I look at them for who they are and not what I wish them to be, or only look at their good points. And suprise, suprise they have some flaws that I do not wish to have to deal with since I have taken them into my heart so readily.I feel dupped and not only by the person I trusted for them to be good since my intentions are honorable, but that I am blind and should have been able to recognize all the signs they were waving at me.

But, also hypocrites and leechers are not going to seek out people that are going to readily judge them for their foul actions, they are going to go to people who will accept them and take them into their hearts and sometimes even into their families.

No more benefit od the doubt is the best action. See things for what they are and you do not have to be mean to these people, but you don't have to let them past your door either.