i wish that i could help u with that but i am in the same boat.. what i do is i just tell myself it is there problem not mine and then i try to just let it go..

Well this is a good question...

One of my strategies is to cast off the belief that what other people feel, want and need is more important than what I feel, want and need.

It took awhile, and the help of a cognitive psycho-therapy to learn to pay attention and distinguish what I really feel, and not what I am "supposed to feel" or worry about the enmeshed impressions I derive from what others feel.

I think one of the major anxieities of HSP's has its roots in the essential conflict of what an HSP feels is normal and what everyone else thinks is normal, and because we are more sensitive, we allow other people who seem more self-confident to define what is normal, althought that doesn't quite fit in with our personal views of the world.

It's like with my ability to actually hear bats. Because most people cannot do this, then "nobody can", and when it becomes evident that I am an acception to the rule, the others feel insecure, yes, maybe even threatened by this deviation, and reassure themselves that they are not defective by saying, "That's weird" or "That's not normal".

You can feel like forever standing on the outside of society looking in, unless you are willing to go that extra step, and love yourself for your special abilities. Then you can stand up for yourself, and say to those rude insensitive comments, "I sorry you have lost your human sensitivity that was once available to every person during the stone age, and helped us survives all of these centuries. I just guess that my instincts still function better than yours. Oh well, I guess there is nothing you can do about. I guess that's just the way you are - a vicitm of civilisation."

It really helps if you move away from the standpoint that you are not normal - to the standpoint that most other people have an inborn birth defect that they are not even aware of. It was enlightening to find out that I am normal and most other people are sensory cripples.

Most anthropologists say that if you brought a stone age person into our century they would probably die of a heart attack inside of a weekend from the shear amount of input that would overwhelm them - and that even though the human intelligence has not noticeably increased since the stone age - just our technology and the amount of record information we have available now.

Weissdorn...thanks very very much...I'll be printing that one out. I'm just leaving the house but I will check back later. I'm so pleased I read this before I left.

Still trying to figure out that coping mechanism. Tried to grow "tougher skin" few years back, didnt work, just made me unhappy and confused about who I am. I am starting to speak out and up a lot more since I turned 50.....meno madness I call it.....dont just sit there and take it anymore thats for sure......I try to reach out first with kindness and empathy but some just wont have it and I wont take it from them either......franny

But when I try to speak out, people don't relate in a kind, respectful way. Most people lash out and then walk away not caring one bit how their words made me feel. They are only concerned about how they feel! It is so exasperating. I find insensitive people kind of pathetic. It makes me so mad. But it seems to me that they do better in this world with their ability to look out for themselves, not care what people say or think of them, and say whatever they want without any regard for who it hurts.

Botton line is that it seems to me that people who are most selfish and self absorbed get more in this life....I find this so unfair!

I know how it makes you feel angry when people treat you disrepectful and unkind.

And you know what? You have every right to feel angry. And getting angry about this is good! Because becoming angry is the way your delicate emotions inform you that those sort of people "suck big-time". This might seem obvious, but anger is sooooo important for you. Otherwise how will you ever know that this person is nice, and the other person isn't?

And even though this seems so elementary, it's hard to deal with this in an adult world, because we have taken on the assignment to "play nice" and "play fair" - even when so many other people don't.

So, now I going to pass you a magick wand to you, Supportplease, and cast a spell over you to allow you to treat everybody else just like they treat you. Say the words at the bottom when you go to bed at night, and you will teach them to respect you.

I am dead serious about this, though this might seem silly to read. But you need just a tiny portion of selfishness for yourself. Not too much, mind you, but just enough to show them that they are not the centre of the universe. The centre of your universe is you, and that is your birthright. I wish you in the future to treat only people who treat you fair with fairness, and those who treat you unfairly, you will be unkind and less merciful.

Like onto like
Kind onto kindness
Love onto the loving
so mote it be
I shall treat thee
as thou treatest me

You have a great point Weissdorn. I DO treat everyone kindly no matter how they treat me. And I walk away feeling mad and upset and they feel fine.