Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I've always wanted to be more assertive instead of passive. I always worry about upsetting other people and apologize all of the time. I'd like to be able to just be forthright instead of just not saying anything at all. I tend to go with the flow instead of making waves. I guess it has more to do with my strong dislike for confrontation.
but i DID buy a little sign that now hangs above where my husband sits and stares endlessly into my iPad... the sign has little hearts on it, and it says 'for a minute there... you bored me to death' and the little heart flat lines then starts beating again
i'm normally not mean, but i couldn't help it hahahaha
so i like us quiet people better :)
A counselor told me-it's none of my business what other people think of me. I see other people who are assertive and think "How can I be like that? What is it that I'm missing? That they have?"
Zoeflower, what you wrote-about the nobody cares what I think anyway-that's good! That lets it off the hook and nobody is keeping tabs on what I said wrong or messed up on or did not do.
As for being forth right, the being assertive, I worry that I will be aggressive, and so I shrink from saying what's on my mind. That balance is always hard, to do it just so.
Finally though I am realizing that although I may go with the flow and that's alright sometimes!
HUGS! to you DarknessE.
Z. I like quiet people too. :-)
There might be some who do, so they are the ones who matter.
I want out! ha ha
I want out of this, but then that thought makes me nervous. (thinking of confrontation) I guess we just do as much as we feel comfortable, and gradually we assert ourselves yet still stay in a comfort zone. Now I'm thinking maybe it's that safety of that comfort zone of avoidance that keepes me passive even though I may want to be more assertive.
I sure hope you can get to a place where you feel you are assertive as you want to be D.
Keep reading!
Hugs back to you LadyBug :)
Ladybug: I agree with you about wanting to stay in my comfort zone. It's safe in that zone, in that zone we are protected. At least if we're passive we know the outcome whereas if we're assertive we don't know how the other person will react.
Forever: I never look people in the eye unless I know them really well and even then I can still feel uncomfortable. I don't want that amount of connection with people I don't know. I never speak unless someone speaks to me. We all have a right to be who we are not who we think society wants or expects us to be!
I think we have a right to be heard though with some people whatever you say or do is wrong. Those people are no longer a part of my life either (friends and past intimate partners both). With some people on different subjects if you don't agree with them by expressing a different opinion they take it personally or their nose is put out of joint. That is their problem yet I've learned to leave those subjects alone with certain people. I have gotten to a point in my life that I've become very selective in those I'm friends with, having put up with so much aggressiveness and controlling behaviors from people in the past. That is why I'd much rather spend time here as a person can have an openness of opinion and not get jumped on.
As far as passivity though I have learned this the hard way over the years. I'd much rather be mellow and not put people in their place. However, whenever somebody made a snide remark or was pushy in someway and I didn't firmly yet calmly speak up about it, it was guaranteed they'd do it again and more severely later. It was kind of like being tested by people as to how far they could go. By letting others get away with their crap, we are setting the groundwork for abuse (in its many forms) in the future. In our actions or lack thereof, we teach others how to treat us.
Like all of us here, I've gained my share of lessons and how not to live "credits" from "Screw U." or the "School of Hard Knocks". In life we are lifetime students of both.
This is just my opinion guys for whatever it is worth:)
Oh yeah, I just thought of something else. Life pushed me into a place where I look people in the eye very directly when I need to in order to get my point across. Living through several major traumas in life I believe brought me to this place of reckoning. I don't say this from a standpoint of "poor me". It is a matter of how the traumas shaped me in order to survive and get people off my back. I don't welcome aggression and try to avoid it unless it is brought to my door too directly. Yet at the same time because of the way the other 80% act, I choose less and less to be in the world or of the world as it just isn't who I am now or in the past. I used to apologize all the time for stuff and try to catch myself before doing it anymore. I do believe this is a result of living through abuse. Finding out I was a HSP is setting me free more and more. May you all find that gift and then some.
I have been in short term positions of leadership, and felt I did well and noticed details non HSP leaders would not. But generally, I felt like I was ran roughshod in the workplace. People didnt have TIME nor INCLINATION to listen to me. I often sat back and watched disasters in the making because the administration couldnt connect how THIS decision resulted in THAT outcome to another department.
Ive been a caregiver off and on for five years. Finances dictate that I may be looking for work soon. It is a daunting thought to start over.