Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
Hi everyone, I recently came across the HSP concept and completely relate!
At the moment I am struggling with my housing arrangement, actually I have struggled my whole life having lived with a variety of toxic and draining people and this having a massive effect on me. I'm sure many of you can relate and wonder if you have any tips on how to cope with this.
Currently I live on my own, however I have got into the situation where I am living in my landlord's home, on paper she is a live in landlord however she doesn't live here. It does mean that she can come and go as if she does live here and she sometimes likes to comment on the cleanliness of the place and she can be quite abrupt and 'tell me off' if things aren't to her liking and of course I pick up on this very easily and it upsets me.
I had 2 rabbits when I moved in (which my landlady knew about) but one of them got pregnant (when she was at rabbit boarding and not my fault) and now I have 8 rabbits, I have been open with her about this and been trying to find good homes for them but I haven't been able to find people I trust to look after them properly and I'm not willing to just give them to anybody because I feel deeply for these animals and know how most people treat them as pets. My landlady of course is not happy about this at all and has been demanding they go ASAP. I guess it's fair enough but the situation isn't my fault and I'm not going to put her demands above my rabbit's welfare.
I'm moving out so I can live somewhere with a garage where they can all live and also to a place that will feel more like my own home. I can't wait. However, I still have a month here and I'm having a lot more contact with my landlady due to the move, for example she contacted me yesterday morning just as I woke up to tell me she was coming round with a load of work men in less than an hour and a half. I told her it wasn't fair and she didn't come round but I'm living in constant fear of her showing up and invading my space or sending me a stroppy e-mail about something. I feel like this isn't my home and I'm not welcome here and my rabbits aren't welcome here and it's stressing me out beyond belief.
People I talk to about this think I'm over reacting and it's not a big deal but I feel like it's this massive black cloud over my whole life. My home should be my safe space where I can retreat from the stresses of life but it's most definitely not. I've had chronic headaches for the past few months which I think in part are to do with this. I feel so tense and am trying epsom salt baths, yoga, meditation but they only do so much as I am doing them in this house!
So I know I am getting out of the situation but does anyone have any tips or advice for coping in the meantime? I find myself self medicating with food and to a much lesser extent alcohol but I know this isn't healthy. I just feel like I have to ride out the next month and wait for it all to be over, though would be nice if I could stop stressing and being so tense!
At the moment I am struggling with my housing arrangement, actually I have struggled my whole life having lived with a variety of toxic and draining people and this having a massive effect on me. I'm sure many of you can relate and wonder if you have any tips on how to cope with this.
Currently I live on my own, however I have got into the situation where I am living in my landlord's home, on paper she is a live in landlord however she doesn't live here. It does mean that she can come and go as if she does live here and she sometimes likes to comment on the cleanliness of the place and she can be quite abrupt and 'tell me off' if things aren't to her liking and of course I pick up on this very easily and it upsets me.
I had 2 rabbits when I moved in (which my landlady knew about) but one of them got pregnant (when she was at rabbit boarding and not my fault) and now I have 8 rabbits, I have been open with her about this and been trying to find good homes for them but I haven't been able to find people I trust to look after them properly and I'm not willing to just give them to anybody because I feel deeply for these animals and know how most people treat them as pets. My landlady of course is not happy about this at all and has been demanding they go ASAP. I guess it's fair enough but the situation isn't my fault and I'm not going to put her demands above my rabbit's welfare.
I'm moving out so I can live somewhere with a garage where they can all live and also to a place that will feel more like my own home. I can't wait. However, I still have a month here and I'm having a lot more contact with my landlady due to the move, for example she contacted me yesterday morning just as I woke up to tell me she was coming round with a load of work men in less than an hour and a half. I told her it wasn't fair and she didn't come round but I'm living in constant fear of her showing up and invading my space or sending me a stroppy e-mail about something. I feel like this isn't my home and I'm not welcome here and my rabbits aren't welcome here and it's stressing me out beyond belief.
People I talk to about this think I'm over reacting and it's not a big deal but I feel like it's this massive black cloud over my whole life. My home should be my safe space where I can retreat from the stresses of life but it's most definitely not. I've had chronic headaches for the past few months which I think in part are to do with this. I feel so tense and am trying epsom salt baths, yoga, meditation but they only do so much as I am doing them in this house!
So I know I am getting out of the situation but does anyone have any tips or advice for coping in the meantime? I find myself self medicating with food and to a much lesser extent alcohol but I know this isn't healthy. I just feel like I have to ride out the next month and wait for it all to be over, though would be nice if I could stop stressing and being so tense!
As for trying to find a good home for your bunnies; I fully understand as there are many people out there that should never have pets or even their own children for that matter. As an HSP we are more concerned about matters like this than the non-HSP. Good luck to you and pet all your bunnies for me:)
Now for the lame land lady person. What you are talking about would up set most if not all people because it is an invasion of privacy and poor boundaries. You are in her cage and she gets to be verbally abusive or rather interrogate you which is not cool and unhealthy to the max!
To be upset about this is understandable 100%. No matter your level of sencitivity ... boundaries are boundaries and they are a statement on what is my space and what is yours. The land lady has taken over your space in terms of her method of tending to the property. I would be at the renters union making a statement. i remember having to report property management to a renters organization when I was young person new to city life. Not sure if you have anything like that where you live but that kind of thing can exist but likely not every where. not sure.
Now for the rabbit ordeal ... thing is even if the rabbits breeding process is not your fault you did take responsibility of the rabbit and that means the conditions you moved in with do apply. It might be time to take the animals to a shelter . The reality is that it is her property and if she is not ok with that many animals under one roof then you are responsible to change that condition no matter how you feel about the animals. This would not win in court but then either would the land ladys lack of notice to drop by.
So in a public sense ... both of you have to do the same thing ... honor one another ... and she like your self do require boundaries for balance. right now both of you are walking on the other persons toes.
This is to say that I don't understand your point of view about the caring of animals yet it is her call on that matter given her boundary on animals. Find a shelter for the animals or expect that she will not consider your voice in that you do not consider hers. The situation lacks boundaries and mutuality. That is not a good spot for any one.
I do wish you the best on tending to those rabbits. It is not unreasonable to not want a liter of animals nor is it unreasonable to want to find homes except that you are not the home owner.
Best to you in terms of getting to a better space so you can live your life fully and accordingly to your values.
These might be useful with a soon-to-be landlord.
I'd think U want to be digging out a snail-mail address for Inland Revenue (have all this on paper). Then confront landlady : reference letter immediately or letter to I.R. in a jiffy. (And see if I.R. can give protection..to your belongings.)
My landlady sent a list of demands saying she will not give me a reference until I've agreed to them. This includes paying her the full amount of the damages to the house based on the quotes provided by her, which she has not furnished me with despite 2 requests. She expects me to pay this on top of the deposit she has for me, and then she will send me the deposit back after the house inspection and after I have left. The thing is, I realise she did not protect my bond which she is required to legally on an Assured Shorthold Tenancy, which is what I signed. She amended the contract to say she would keep the bond, but this is illegal (I didn't realise this at the time). If taken to court she would have to return the bond to me and between 1-3x the amount as compensation. I'm not going to go down that route but it does mean that I'm not willing to give her extra money to 'top up' the deposit after the damages as I would not be protected in any way. The bond should be held in a guaranteed scheme which would mean any disputes would be dealt with by a third party before the money is released to either the tenant or landlord. As it is, she could take off whatever she felt like and I would have to take her to court if I didn't agree with it.
She has not replied to my last 3 e-mails and it's been 3 days since I contacted her, to let her know I wouldn't be able to pay her the deposit on top but that I would cover the full cost of repairs. She is holding up my moving process as a result, so I guess it's time to let her know that I'm ready to get things moving with the tax office etc.