I am careful who I talk with about being HSP because I've experienced negative feed-back. Some people do not understand at all. Some people see me as just being "too soft" or just anti-social & unfriendly. Some people see being "highly sensitive" as an excuse to avoid things. As a child & when I was a young person I always felt that "something was wrong with me" … because I didn't fit in. So I am still cautious.

Hi Janvier. Am so glad I joined this great group last year. Had made quite some progress since. Thank you so much for starting it and years' maintenance.

My mom has started spreading her doubts to some family friends... e.g. "she is so different and closes her door a lot of time surfing the internet" (I just need to be left alone and uninterrupted and even put a "knock first please" notice on my door couple of days back).

Wondering if it's better for me to tell her this strait about me while risking she misunderstood it further... She's not empathy.

Or I should just wait till am more confident and less vulnerable to hurtful comments since I don't have much intersection with her friends at the moment anyway.

I think I would print out some HSP information from the Internet … Elaine N. Aron Phd. is an excellent site. If you have Elaine's book "The Highly Sensitive Person" then I would offer that … maybe just tag a few important pages so she won't think it will take too much time to read. I suggest this because in my own experience, I have not been taken seriously so I think it is more affective to see HSP information in writing.

(affective or effective … I'm never sure about that word)

I have just a few close friends who know about my personality type, though I believe they understand it more as just a group of "triggers" for my migraines rather than being an HSP - emotional situations, loud noise/groups, bright light, odors, STRESS, etc., which also happen to be HSP-related issues. (Sometimes, unfortunately but true, it comes in handy for me to have chronic migraines as it can be a great excuse to sit in quiet room in my house instead of having to force myself to go out into social situations that I really would rather not take part in!) But my small group friends are a pretty "evolved" group of folks who are the more artistic type of people. I have far more problems at work because the folks there definitely wonder why I don't join in activties, go to firm functions, etc. It's VERY difficult for me at work because I DON'T like being conspicuous at all and I'm married to another co-worker (and we're gay women as well), so we kind of "stand out." It's difficult because, though I'm sure it would be a NON ISSUE if my co-workers' husbands were the quiet type--there would be no problem accepting them. But people just don't understand really that a woman might be quiet and not want to get into gossiping and/or discussing another worker's personal business - they just assume that, because you're a woman and that my spouse is outgoing, that I should be outgoing, too. The firm I worked for forced us to work rolling shifts, so my only option besides reporting to work at 5:00 a.m. or 6:00 a.m. was to work 4:00 p.m. to midnight. I took the late shift so I am now by myself for most of the evening, which helps (though it doesn't do much for my family life). THANKS for listening everyone!!!

I've finally embraced being an HSP and an introvert. I feel unique and consider them both a blessed "awakening". I dislike labels because they've turned negative in society and in my own mind, and that's not what I want my experience to be. Having said that, those "labels" have educated and changed my life. I finally realized that I have assets to compliment other people's personality types, and that I have the perfect opportunity to be true to myself. This realization opened and freed my world. The people closest to me know how I tick and respect my ways. It's a little more tricky at work. I tend to be the one who listens (a lot) and who happens to be the idea person. I just need peace and time alone to think. I've learned to respect myself and to let people know this. Communication without guilt is key. What's funny is I can tell in people's eyes that they're intrigued by me, and this makes me feel like I have a wonderful secret. I dismiss the ones who don't get me. Maybe they will some day, but that's their path, not mine. Peace to your hearts and don't be afraid to pass on who you are.

Thanks Janiver, great and practical suggestions. You were right. If the person we talk to happen to be unsensitive or even self involved, very likely we gonna get our needs neglected or even marked with "weird"...

Since my mom kindda of narcissitic (fits most of criteria of NPD unfortunately), I probably need to be very careful about how to present the information and set boundaries. Maybe starting with clear boundaries or stuff to pay attention to first... Observe if that goes well...

Yeah, it DOES demands a lot of time and energy for the non-HSP to understand the whole concept. Hence better be presented formally when the timing is right.

Hi HSP Major. I can only imagine how much extra effort you have put in to deal with the situation.

Am an introvert who happened to be responsible for quite some extra curriculum activities. Had no problem finishing those tasks well, but once it's over, I felt soooo exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

Couldn't understand myself (peers disbelieve I prefer quite and uninterrupted space) for a long time till reading Dr. Aron's book. It seems that introverts are better charged when left to themselves while dealing with the outside world consumes their energy. Extroverts, on the other side, feeds of meeting the outside world.

If one belongs to certain MBTI type, very likely he/she prefers deep conversations and meaningful relationship instead of careless gossiping.

Guess it's just how it gonna be since very often it's the majority forming the mainstream culture. We probably have to plan in much more decompression time and leave more buffer time on our calendar than others. Not sure if one better disguises a bit to dodge potential harms... Still working on the time management part and will keep all updated.

Hi Zakki, thank you for the exprience and insights shared. Um...yup, the same word "sensitive" could imply various traits to different audience. Relatives do ask for my opinions and advices and what I offered seems to be working for most of time... Hope I reach the stage of embracing being who I am soon.

I haven't read any of the replies. I can not figure out why I should need to go about telling others about my level of sensitivity.What is the importance?

I was also wondering about the need to tell other people. It's very valuable information for me to know about myself, how I tick and why I feel the way I do, but I don't need accommodations or permission to be the way I am. As I continued with Dr. Aron's book, and some threads here, I started to see that I view my hyper- sensitive nature differently than most members. I don't see my sensitivity as a "special" trait that requires extra understanding and consideration. I have been sensing (there I go again) a general, borderline, victim and/or martyr attitude that I'm unable to identify with. Dr. Aron also got into religion way too much for my needs, and even promoted paranormal activities. That is her opinion, and I'm sure many HSP's agree with it, but for me, dreams and religion (whether organized or not) have nothing to do with being highly sensitive. I have learned about my trait and it is helping me, but it doesn't make me special, gifted or handicapped, just different. Also, I don't believe I will ever be able to figure out the differences between INFP, INTF, IFPT. I will have to live out the rest of my life never knowing which one I am, or if I am a combination of two or three. All I really need to know is that certain situations can easily upset my balance and that it greatly helps to be aware of them. I have thought a lot about this and decided there is nothing I can do about being viewed negatively, i.e., as unfriendly or anti-social. I would probably think that about HSP's if I wasn't one, too. Non-HSP's also have negative labels they have to deal with too.

Janvier, thanks again for hosting the discussion group about a good topic.

Zhee & Dabar … you both make a good point about why the subject should even come up. Speaking for myself … family members & friends have brought the subject up to me & I have felt I needed to "explain" myself. Some people are pushy & blunt & ask personal questions. Of course I don't HAVE to explain myself but I have often made the mistake of trying.

I don't like labels either but I do think they help me to understand myself more. It would probably be a good idea if I just did not share too much information with others.

I think saying I'm wired funny, or quirky or the quiet type sounds better than sensitive. Connecting with people is hard enough without making others feel like they have to walk on eggshells when around me. Here's a question. Who would you rather live with: Oscar Madison or the highly sensitive Felix Unger? I would rather live with Oscar, but we would have a lot of tension, too. :-)

First I had to look up who Oscar & Felix were. Of course, "The Odd Couple". I think I would rather live with Oscar … less stress than living with Felix (I think…not sure)

I know for sure I am very difficult to live with. My husband of 40 years calls me "a piece of work".

Oh yes, I think it is better to be more vague if possible. After all, everyone is quirky in one way or another.