Thank you TrickyMom for telling your story. I feel that is the first step to overcoming this. I remember getting ready to go to the movies with my Dad and, soon-to-be, Step-Mom and stopped by a mirror that was leaning on a wall in my room. I was just checking out how I looked when I thought to myself, " Why do I have these?" as I was touching my eyebrows and eyelashes. Next thing I knew I was pulling them out. I went from having beautiful eyebrows and eyelashes to practically nothing at the age of 10. No one said anything until we were at the movie theater. I don't think it took that long for my Dad to notice because he didn't notice, but more because he was trying to figure out what was so different. Ever since that night I've been struggling. Now I only pull my eyebrows, but not like I used to. I don't pull till I have nothing anymore. Maybe close to it, but not totally. I don't know why I all of a sudden stopped pulling my eyelashes, but I did and now I can go out of the house with no mascara. I wear eyebrow pencil, but I'm trying to get to the point where I can leave the house with no make-up and not feel uncomfortable. I'm also a Mom of a 2 year old. That's the other reason I need to stop. I don't want him exposed to it either. Thank God I have an extremely supportive husband.

DawnMY, thank you for taking the time and courage to share your personal beginning with Trichotillomania! As I continue my research on this disorder, I'm stunned by the amount of people who just suddenly one day began to pull their hair. I wonder if this is purely a coincidence that we all chose to pull our hair to cope with the anxiety we were feeling in that moment? Or is this some genetic component that doesn't arise in individuals until we reach a certain age or stage in our growth? I'm very curious and eager to hear (read, haha =) ) your thoughts on this. Thanks again for sharing your story, I persoanlly believe that everyone has a story to tell and it's therapeutic to share our stories.

I also wanted to congratulate you on overcoming your eyelash pulling! I personally have always focused my pulling to my eyelashes which I've found to be extremely noticeable. When I see myself without eyelashes, I don't feel feminine or beautiful. Sadly I've associated feminine beauty through having long eyelashes, so to help off-set this self-esteem burden I've invested in false eyelashes. These have definitely helped me feel better emotionally but on the contradicting side, being able to conceal my pulling has allowed me to give into my pulling urges more often.

Sincerely,
TrichyMom

As I'm reading other's stories, I'm also finding that it seems like they started out of nowhere. I can't say I did it out of boredom, but it did start out of the blue. I have done some reading up on it myself and read it may be genetic and there may be a predisposition to it. Wikipedia has some interesting info. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania

From what I see from your picture, you're beautiful. Eyelashes would only enhance that, but they wouldn't be what makes you pretty. I understand what you mean though as far as the false eyelashes acting as a crutch. They don't solve the problem. Sometimes when we break a habit long enough, we get used to not doing it. It's like our skin having a memory. It's the same with our movements. Maybe you wearing false eyelashes will help you with that.

It's great having someone to talk with. Thank you.

- DawnMY

DawnMy,

Thank you for the Wikipedia link.. very fascinating indeed! I can say that I have bought dozens of books in order to help me come to terms with what sparked my trichotillomania onset. I believe you are correct when you stated "there may be a genetic predisposition to this disorder". Anxiety seems to be the underlying trigger for hair pulling. The act of hair pulling is, from what I have read, and obsessive compulsive behavior, in which attempts to alleviate the abnormally high levels of anxiety. For me, I underwent three years of EMDR therapy to uncover not only my inherited genetic traits of anxiety but also have uprooted traumas that I endured as a child, teenager, and young adult. Although I recommend EMDR therapy to all trichotillomania sufferers, before the attempt to balance anxiety with medication, I do have two books that I have found extremely helpful. The first is titled "The Hair-Pulling Problem; A complete Guide to Trichotillomania" written by Fred Penzel. Author Fred Penzel has done extensive research in anxiety induced behaviors and rituals. The next book I recommend as more of a pocket guide is titled "Help for Hair Pullers; Understanding and Coping with Trichotillomania" written by Nancy J. Keuthen Ph.D., Dan J. Stein M.D., and Gary A. Christenson M.D.

As for my attempt to help decrease my plucking by wearing fasle eyelashes, I can now admit that this cover-up is simply that, a cover-up. This merely sweeps my disorder under the rug, rather than facing my disorder. False eyelashes offer a sense of comfort and even a sense of belonging but have not helped me stop plucking. I have actually found plucking easier, simply because I have warped my thoughts to believe that it doesn't matter if I pluck or not because I can cover the bald spots up with false lashes. Although I identify false eyelashes as an obstacle hindering my ability to overcome this trichotillomania disorder, I do still wear them. I have noticed that I tend to lean towards wearing them when I am feeling a desire to fit-in with my peers as well as to help offset some depressive feelings. For me, my red flag is when I want to wear my false eyelashes because I know negative emotions drive my need to wear lashes.

Have you ventured into the false eyelashes world? If so, what are your experiences, thoughts, and personal discoveries?

-TrichyMom

My story is a little different. It didn't start out of boredom for me. I was sexually abused by my father for most of my childhood. I have pulled at my eyelashes for as long as I can remember. The memories were repressed and have been coming out as my own daughter was the age that I was when the particular event happened. Let's just say that it grew in perverseness. I have been in therapy and have dealt with a lot of emotional issues. But for some reason, I can't seem to stop pulling all of my eyelashes out. Stress for me seems to be a big factor. I am aware that I am doing it. I don't want to do it. I think on some level I do it so that the 'ugliness' I feel on the inside is visible to the world. But I just feel like a freak. I find myself not wanting to venture out into society because I know I look like a freak. Eye liners don't really 'cover up' the problem. And I hate it when people notice. I have tried the vaseline trick, but I'm just messed up enough to use tweezers. For so long I thought I was the only person who did this. It's nice to know that there are others out there and a place I can go to be understood.

Baldeyes,
First of all, welcome Baldeyes! I am so pleased that you chose to share your story, which I must say is truly remarkable as you have come a long way in your journey with not only your trichotillomania but also with your sexual abuse trauma. Although my story is not your story, I can relate with you to some degree as I was also a victim of sexual abuse. Because of my own feelings of shame and personal hatred for what I believed was allowing and even encouraging the abuse to occur are the grounds for my ability to relate. I do believe that your feelings of ugliness are entirely unfounded as you were not the cause in any: way, shape, or form for the abuse that you endured. No person should encounter such physical and psychological trauma as you had. The shame/anger/guilt/hurt (if these are the incorrect feelings please correct me) inside that you feel is more than valid. I personally, even with the years of dedicated counselors that I spoke with about my abuse, still feel at fault for the traumas I endured. Although the memories and more specifically the triggers will be reminders of the abuse I believe that it is up to the victims to re-take control of our bodies and our minds. There is no set time-frame that this transformation occurs but from my own experience I can say that I have honestly begun my own transformation from the victim to the one in control. With that said and redirecting myself back to the trichotillomania topic; I still have my days, even weeks at a time that I feel the urge to pluck my eyelashes and eyebrows. I know that I have the tools to restrain myself from these urges but sometimes I just do not refrain and let myself pluck. After my plucking session I feel shame, guilt, and ugliness as I anticipated but because I expect these negative feelings I remind myself that tomorrow is another day 1 and reassure myself that I am still lovable and worthy. Plucking my eyelashes does not control who I am but is simply a sliver of the unique, clever, and witty person that I am.
I do hope that my own experience with both sexual trauma and trichotillomania will offer you some insight to your own struggles. Your story is an incredible story that I deeply appreciate you sharing. In fact, your story has added a puzzle piece to the reason for my first pluck. Maybe my own repression of the trauma I faced is truly the culprit for my reason to pluck… Please feel free to expand on our discussion and again, welcome to “Hi I’m a Hair Puller” support group.
Sincerely,
TrichyMom