Oh crap, sorry for the language :( i hope i didnt offend anyone.

You did the hard thing....and it's scary....but trust me, the devil you don't know will be better than the one you do. The devastation is from acknowledging that the dream is over, that the man you thought you loved didn't really exist. So many hard realizations...but just keep one foot in front of the other. It will get better....it really will, and now you have an opportunity to create a life of JOY for yourself....

Hugs to you....Hang in there....

thank you so much for the support. this is so hard. i guess ur right, its just the loss of a dream.. of one that didnt really exist. the thing that scares and hurts me the most tho, is that he's going to move on and im going to be stuck here always wondering what could have been. one of the hardest things about it all too, is that he has two little girls that i got very attached too and they were very attached to me. thinking of them with a new 'stepmom' just kills me. not being able to see them is killing me. him being with someone new kills me. im just feeling very lonely and sad right now :(

jamie, I joined this group because I saw you were in it. I had no idea you were struggling so before the holidays. There is nothing wrong with you. When you go through something like this your body reacts like it is in detox. You can have all of the physicals that come with extreme upset and detoxification of the nervous system. Jamie you are a young and talented woman who deserves all of the "Good" in life and that includes a good relationship. Be patient...work on yourself, prepare yourself like the "goddess" you are so that when the moment is right...you will be ready...L

jamie how is everything?

things are still tough. :( im still having a hard time with it. i got back with him for a little while.. i was having such a hard time and i was just feeling so sick, i couldnt take it anymore. then about a week ago we got into it really bad and it turned physical. i havent seen him since but he keeps texting me with how much he loves me and missses me and pleeeaaase will i see him. i've refused everytime but it hasnt been easy.. i have 2 broken fingers. i feel my strength slipping because the sadness and lonliness is starting to hit me, but theres no way i could ever go back. this is really hard and i dont know what to do to keep myself busy enough to not feel lonely and bored and want to be with him. i dont know.. this is all just so SAD. i lost my 2 little step daughters that meant the world to me and brought a smile to my face everytime i saw them. but i know i cant be with him just so i can stay with them. :( i dont know, i could still lots of support if anyones out there.

and thank you guys for your replys. they really mean the world.

Jamie, I am so sorry about this. Unfortunately, the common path of abuse is that it escalates....and it obviously did. I am so sorry about the girls...Maybe you can stay in contact with them through another path? Like through their grandparents....

It's hard...when I moved out I had to leave my 15 yr old son w/ him, and then had to repair that relationship too, tho it is now better than ever, without my ex's intervention and influence. But I know that it's different w/ little ones, they don't have cell phones or any autonomy to allow you access to them. Just try to stay in touch any way you can....I know of people who have become friends w/ their ex's ex's (previous wives of ex's) and have relationships with the kids that way.

Hugs....you are in my prayers...

Hi Jamie -- Just wondering how you are doing now that you are months out? I am trying it like you and let me tell you I can relate!! So wondering how you are doing. i am okay but it is very hard.... hard to stick to your guns.... stick to what your mind and body wants you to do.