Hi all, I'm new to DS and to this group. I think it is great to have a place to go to get support. I am with a boyfriend I have been with for eight years now. I am unsure if he is abusive, but from checking around sadly i think he is. He hasn't hit me..yet but he has slapped me, thrown things, broken things, threatened me, my family, my pets, he grabbed me once and squeezed until i had finger shaped bruises on my arm :( . The worst thing he does is the negativity. He calls me fat, lazy, stupid, he has called me every bad name in the book, in front of his kids, and he has talked bad to me in public at a restaurant in front of the server and at our friend's house. It is so humiliating, I feel like his kid. He gets so mad if I tell him no, I'm not allowed to do that. He tells me my family doesn't love me and I have no friends. I don't have many friends, really just 2 ladies i talk to once in a while. I feel like it's a dead end on top of all the emotional/verbal abuse (?) because we have been together for eight years and he has told me he won't marry me and he is never having any more kids. Not really fair to tell a young woman who has never had either. He doesn't support me and makes me feel guilty if i try to do anything for myself. He calls me lazy because I am going to school and not working, and when i try to loose weight he makes it impossible for me to go exercise. He always needs me to babysit his two kids and gets soo mad if i am not going to be home to watch them. we live next door to him mom,dad,grandma, and sister but it's always up to me to care for his kids or it's a fight. He won't even let me get a puppy. I brought home a cat and he threatened to kick me out because he hates animals. I feel so sad, and alone. I think about leaving all the time, think about how wonderful it would be to have my own space, a puppy :), no one to answer to and no one telling me what to do. but then i get so scared. can i afford it? i only have my financial aid to live on, and cant' even afford health insurance, and i dont' qualify for programs b/c i do not have kids. how will i pay my bills? what if i dont' have enough money? can i find a job and work and go to school at the same time? what if my schooling suffers? I always get so afraid that i submit and beg for his forgiveness, i try to make him happy so i can stay here. i do love him but i dont' think i can make it on my own. i feel like i am betraying myself when i submit, but i can't break the cycle, i am so terrified i can't make that step to leave. can anyone give some advice to help me leave? i know in my heart that is what i really need to do, before things get worse...
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